Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "Combat soldier"A book of Poetry & Writing
48 total reviews
Comment from wierdgrace
Ur have my attention and this is exellent, I loved this type of story and it kept my attention with the character from the start, no errors and no revisions, your a great writer.
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Ur have my attention and this is exellent, I loved this type of story and it kept my attention with the character from the start, no errors and no revisions, your a great writer.
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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thank you again for reading my work Wierdgrace just a new somebody tryin to write
Gary
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you are welcome
Comment from smilshor
Reading your work made me feel like i was beside the men. I really like how it tells a story and shows the day to day life of the soldiers life. The only thing that I didnt get was what the 22a and 21b meant. Other than that overall it was great.
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Reading your work made me feel like i was beside the men. I really like how it tells a story and shows the day to day life of the soldiers life. The only thing that I didnt get was what the 22a and 21b meant. Other than that overall it was great.
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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22A and 22B are unit call signs Smilshor, thanks for reading
Comment from Lou67
This is a very well written chapter. The storyline flows well and is easy to follow. The dialogue is good and flows naturally. It is well edited and easy to read.
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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This is a very well written chapter. The storyline flows well and is easy to follow. The dialogue is good and flows naturally. It is well edited and easy to read.
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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thank you
Comment from Ponder
Hi Deepwater,
I thought this was an interesting topic and I liked that you didn't go into the politics of the North. I found the style of the story a bit jarring, more poetic than prose. I see that the format suits the present tense, one night experience of the soldier, but it's not to my taste.
here are a couple of suggestions
Setup(set up) the jeep and barriers to block the road.
Fingers on the safety's (safeties/ safetys), call sign 22A on location.
Jules
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Hi Deepwater,
I thought this was an interesting topic and I liked that you didn't go into the politics of the North. I found the style of the story a bit jarring, more poetic than prose. I see that the format suits the present tense, one night experience of the soldier, but it's not to my taste.
here are a couple of suggestions
Setup(set up) the jeep and barriers to block the road.
Fingers on the safety's (safeties/ safetys), call sign 22A on location.
Jules
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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thanks for your comments
Comment from Suzie B
Gary, I like the way this has been presented. War is like this story, stark, unembellished. Cold hard death staring you in the face doesn't allow for flowery descriptions.
This is so clearly written, not emotionless, rather it speaks of too many emotions...all held in check until another night in Belfast is over.
I enjoyed the piece immensely.
Suzie
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Gary, I like the way this has been presented. War is like this story, stark, unembellished. Cold hard death staring you in the face doesn't allow for flowery descriptions.
This is so clearly written, not emotionless, rather it speaks of too many emotions...all held in check until another night in Belfast is over.
I enjoyed the piece immensely.
Suzie
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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thank you suzie for reading Gary
Comment from Shirley McLain
Good story with a lot of action which kept me reading until the end. Its a sad story and written well. I did not see any spag.
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Good story with a lot of action which kept me reading until the end. Its a sad story and written well. I did not see any spag.
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Thank you Texas Gal from an old cowboy in Texas
Comment from c_lucas
Warfare is in a constant state of change. The lone warrior who can live off the land, attack and disappear has the advantage. Good job of writing.
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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Warfare is in a constant state of change. The lone warrior who can live off the land, attack and disappear has the advantage. Good job of writing.
Comment Written 05-May-2010
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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Thank you C
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You're welcome, Gary. Charlie
Comment from spellbound
(Rain and fog was on the ground.)'was' should be 'were'
(We joke about bombs and sniper shots that
Always turn atheist back into God-fearing men.)'Always' should be always
(I hate automatic correct sometimes because I get caught with this one lots)
Loved the way you expressed the tension and fear. Your last sentence 'Just one more night in Belfast.' sums this up very well.
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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(Rain and fog was on the ground.)'was' should be 'were'
(We joke about bombs and sniper shots that
Always turn atheist back into God-fearing men.)'Always' should be always
(I hate automatic correct sometimes because I get caught with this one lots)
Loved the way you expressed the tension and fear. Your last sentence 'Just one more night in Belfast.' sums this up very well.
Comment Written 05-May-2010
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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thanks for reading
Comment from Dall
Well, that was scary, You know, as I have said so many times, war is just so stupid. I always think about the people that actually have to live it and I say God protect them. So cold war.. Well done!
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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Well, that was scary, You know, as I have said so many times, war is just so stupid. I always think about the people that actually have to live it and I say God protect them. So cold war.. Well done!
Comment Written 05-May-2010
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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thank you Dall
Comment from Metal Head
Hi Deepwater.
I'm confused. Top of the page says this is a war and history fiction, yet I feel as if I'm reading a poem.
I don't do poems, I've not an ounce of poetry in my body, so if it is one I can't comment.
If it's a story then the presentation does nothing for me. There is no dialogue, and no characterisation, with a basic conflict that's resolved by 21A simply turning up. All the basic requirements of a story are missing. Their is nothing to make me want to read more, if their is more to come
You mention fog on two occasions, so a helicopter with nightlight would be no good.
If it's supposed to be poetry let me know and I'll remove my score, if possible. If not I'll happily re-rate so as not to impact your rating.
Regards
Michael D
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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Hi Deepwater.
I'm confused. Top of the page says this is a war and history fiction, yet I feel as if I'm reading a poem.
I don't do poems, I've not an ounce of poetry in my body, so if it is one I can't comment.
If it's a story then the presentation does nothing for me. There is no dialogue, and no characterisation, with a basic conflict that's resolved by 21A simply turning up. All the basic requirements of a story are missing. Their is nothing to make me want to read more, if their is more to come
You mention fog on two occasions, so a helicopter with nightlight would be no good.
If it's supposed to be poetry let me know and I'll remove my score, if possible. If not I'll happily re-rate so as not to impact your rating.
Regards
Michael D
Comment Written 05-May-2010
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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its a story Michael thanks for the comments some you love some you don't Gary
