Day and Night
a tanka23 total reviews
Comment from fictionwriter
Oh I liked this one. There is wonder to everything that He does. I love the sun, but the moon holds a special place in my heart. Great job.
reply by the author on 08-May-2010
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Oh I liked this one. There is wonder to everything that He does. I love the sun, but the moon holds a special place in my heart. Great job.
Comment Written 04-May-2010
reply by the author on 08-May-2010
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Yes, I really like this tanka. The pivot to me works extremely well. Thanks for a great review.
Comment from fionageorge
A lovely, actually, beautiful Tanka you have penned here, Al. I love the colour scheme and artwork, but your words conjure up the visual imagery. They stand on their own. Good luck in the contest, and warmest regards, Marijke
reply by the author on 08-May-2010
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A lovely, actually, beautiful Tanka you have penned here, Al. I love the colour scheme and artwork, but your words conjure up the visual imagery. They stand on their own. Good luck in the contest, and warmest regards, Marijke
Comment Written 04-May-2010
reply by the author on 08-May-2010
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Well, I had help from the book of Genesis. Thanks for a great review.
Comment from anabellapongasi
He separates the
Dome of Heaven from the Seas;
He is the LORD God.
His greater light rules the day;
His lesser light rules the night.
I like the theme of this piece because it is about God and the creation, and taken from the Bible.
I'm sorry about the low rating. This is due to the following consideration: Words/phrases used are too similar/close to those used in the Scripture ref.:
Genesis 1:6-8 ...So God made a dome, and it separated the water under it and above it. He named the dome "Sky"...(Today' English version)
Genesis 1:16 ...God made two great lights -the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. (New International Version)(Today's English version uses "rule" instead of govern)
I love the message from these verses from the Bible.
Anabella
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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He separates the
Dome of Heaven from the Seas;
He is the LORD God.
His greater light rules the day;
His lesser light rules the night.
I like the theme of this piece because it is about God and the creation, and taken from the Bible.
I'm sorry about the low rating. This is due to the following consideration: Words/phrases used are too similar/close to those used in the Scripture ref.:
Genesis 1:6-8 ...So God made a dome, and it separated the water under it and above it. He named the dome "Sky"...(Today' English version)
Genesis 1:16 ...God made two great lights -the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. (New International Version)(Today's English version uses "rule" instead of govern)
I love the message from these verses from the Bible.
Anabella
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-May-2010
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from MizKat
Alvin - I really like your tanka poem because it is about God. When a person gives Him glory, it is my favorite kind of poetry. Great job on this. Kat
reply by the author on 09-May-2010
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Alvin - I really like your tanka poem because it is about God. When a person gives Him glory, it is my favorite kind of poetry. Great job on this. Kat
Comment Written 03-May-2010
reply by the author on 09-May-2010
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Thanks. I am glad you enjoyed the poem.
Comment from Lena Borghi
A natural phenomenon expressed in such beautiful language. The poem is inspiring and in good Tanka form. I enjoyed it very much. Lena
reply by the author on 09-May-2010
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A natural phenomenon expressed in such beautiful language. The poem is inspiring and in good Tanka form. I enjoyed it very much. Lena
Comment Written 03-May-2010
reply by the author on 09-May-2010
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Thanks for a good review.
Comment from findingmyroom
What a beautiful sentiment you express. I didn't know the tanka had so many nuances, but yours has a fine example of the pivot-point. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-May-2010
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What a beautiful sentiment you express. I didn't know the tanka had so many nuances, but yours has a fine example of the pivot-point. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-May-2010
reply by the author on 09-May-2010
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Yes, tanka are extremely hard to write. Thanks for a good review.
Comment from skye
Your imagery within this well-constructed tanka is strong, vibrant, and so true. Based on scripture, your words speak of creation and His infinite purposes and great plan.
Very well done.
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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Your imagery within this well-constructed tanka is strong, vibrant, and so true. Based on scripture, your words speak of creation and His infinite purposes and great plan.
Very well done.
Comment Written 03-May-2010
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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Thank you for so well understanding what I wanted to convey.
Comment from Joan E.
I admired your 5-7-5-7-7 model tanka form with effective pivot. It conveys a strong declaration of faith, and I enjoyed the contrasting elements in the final lines. I am writing you from New York where we will pick up our flight on Austrian Airlines to Israel.
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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I admired your 5-7-5-7-7 model tanka form with effective pivot. It conveys a strong declaration of faith, and I enjoyed the contrasting elements in the final lines. I am writing you from New York where we will pick up our flight on Austrian Airlines to Israel.
Comment Written 03-May-2010
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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I had good inspiration--the first chapter of Genesis. Thanks for a good review.
Comment from Kingsland
This is a very good piece of poetic art. Even if I don't agree with its thoughts. The poetic verve of it was just great. This was my pleasure to have read and written a review for... John
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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This is a very good piece of poetic art. Even if I don't agree with its thoughts. The poetic verve of it was just great. This was my pleasure to have read and written a review for... John
Comment Written 03-May-2010
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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Thanks for a good review; I appreciate it.
Comment from AnnaLinda
Hi Alvin,
Your tanka poem has the correct syllable count.
It also seems to be in the spirit of the tanka
form. It also reflects that scripture very well.
I might suggest putting the scripture reference
in your author notes.
Genesis 1:16
"God made two great lights--the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars"
Although this is a perfect reflection of that scripture,
It is almost a word for word copy of it.
Linda
(p.s. no need to send me a thanks for
this as you rarely do)
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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Hi Alvin,
Your tanka poem has the correct syllable count.
It also seems to be in the spirit of the tanka
form. It also reflects that scripture very well.
I might suggest putting the scripture reference
in your author notes.
Genesis 1:16
"God made two great lights--the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars"
Although this is a perfect reflection of that scripture,
It is almost a word for word copy of it.
Linda
(p.s. no need to send me a thanks for
this as you rarely do)
Comment Written 03-May-2010
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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I thought I always sent thanks. I am sorry. However, you are probably right about putting the Scriptural reference in--I debated a long time about it. I do run about two weeks behind because of my professional work.
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You are welcome Alvin. I know that the replies are very time consuming.
Linda
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Yes, especially when one does this for a living.
