Challenge Me
Viewing comments for Chapter 59 "she is hungry"I dare you....
7 total reviews
Comment from mmichelle97219
I see this shift in your work a change in style that is interesting and yet still so very you. I loved this post it is so perfect
Michelle
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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I see this shift in your work a change in style that is interesting and yet still so very you. I loved this post it is so perfect
Michelle
Comment Written 17-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2010
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lol thanx! :)
Comment from The Highlander
She's certainly not hungry for the biscuits, i would say she is hungry for life, as the one she is running from never let her live. Delightful read.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2010
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She's certainly not hungry for the biscuits, i would say she is hungry for life, as the one she is running from never let her live. Delightful read.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2010
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thank you - may i ask what you think "needs improvement"?
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Apologies, i am new on here today and i am just getting to grips with the navigation. I honestly liked your poem, James
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no problem! welcome to fanstory! maybe check out the forums (under "community") you'll learn a lot about fs there too :)
Comment from Nicki_Mist
Very creative in describing how a spouse, lover or even a child might leave home thinking they will find something better elsewhere. You wrote this very well with imagery.
Nicole
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2010
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Very creative in describing how a spouse, lover or even a child might leave home thinking they will find something better elsewhere. You wrote this very well with imagery.
Nicole
Comment Written 16-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2010
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thank you nicole :)
Comment from Mcivers
I like the way you make her suitcase personelised, making it waiting by the door. I like the goodbye and hello at the end too!
I don't understand why there is so much space below your poem....
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2010
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I like the way you make her suitcase personelised, making it waiting by the door. I like the goodbye and hello at the end too!
I don't understand why there is so much space below your poem....
Comment Written 16-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2010
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no idea either - probably just a site glitch - thanx for dropping by :)
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in fanstory ratings, a rating of 3 means "needs work" - could you please explain what needs work?
thank you
shelley :)
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I think the first part is to long, and i feel the mid-section 'she is hungry' is out of connection. I'm new here, and maybe I'm to careful with my stars? No offence..?
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no problem i just like detailed reviews :)
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hi shelley,
sounds like you are really hungry for a new venture in your future life what is with the ( shortbread highlanders)] never heard of them?
Gert
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2010
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Hi shelley,
sounds like you are really hungry for a new venture in your future life what is with the ( shortbread highlanders)] never heard of them?
Gert
Comment Written 16-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2010
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yea i had to ask about them too - they are crispy shortbread cookies :)
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You are welcome shelley
Take care.
Gert
Comment from AnnaLinda
Shelley,
I really like this poem that you have
written using those specific words! You
have some great imagery in it and I
especially your positive ending:
"and says hello
to a smile of future wonders"
Well done!
Linda
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2010
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Shelley,
I really like this poem that you have
written using those specific words! You
have some great imagery in it and I
especially your positive ending:
"and says hello
to a smile of future wonders"
Well done!
Linda
Comment Written 16-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2010
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hehe thank you linda! :)
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You are welcome!
Comment from Border Reiver
Yay!
Good job. You could have been talking about me! (I wonder why). Actually the suitcase is on the bed not by the door and so far it's just full of Easter eggs--I haven't got round to eating them yet. But the Highlander's were finished this morning.
And yes there is a tear in my eye as tommorrow I head back down to London after the Easter holidays and to my super intensive course that will significantly reduce the time I spend on FanStory.
Instead of package of highlanders I'd go for packet.
There does seem to be a problem with the formatting --probably Eddie's fault as there does seem to be a good mile's distance between the poem and the reviewing box.
Thank you for using my prompt, I feel honoured.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2010
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Yay!
Good job. You could have been talking about me! (I wonder why). Actually the suitcase is on the bed not by the door and so far it's just full of Easter eggs--I haven't got round to eating them yet. But the Highlander's were finished this morning.
And yes there is a tear in my eye as tommorrow I head back down to London after the Easter holidays and to my super intensive course that will significantly reduce the time I spend on FanStory.
Instead of package of highlanders I'd go for packet.
There does seem to be a problem with the formatting --probably Eddie's fault as there does seem to be a good mile's distance between the poem and the reviewing box.
Thank you for using my prompt, I feel honoured.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2010
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thanks for the challenge! i'll check out that formatting and change package :)
