Thieves And Liars
Flash Fiction69 total reviews
Comment from wierdgrace
Well written, and well said, this has great characters, and I felt like I was involved in your story, no errors and no revisions, a great entry for this contest, good luck in this voting booth.
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Well written, and well said, this has great characters, and I felt like I was involved in your story, no errors and no revisions, a great entry for this contest, good luck in this voting booth.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thank you so much. I sincerely appreciate the feedback, and I'm glad you enjoyed reading this.
Jani
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welcome
Comment from Thesis
Cool story, Jan. I enjoyed the calculating moves on the part of Chuck. You lead the readers to believe he was just another homeless guy, not an undercover cop.
Great ending twist. You concealed the ending well. - Thesis
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Cool story, Jan. I enjoyed the calculating moves on the part of Chuck. You lead the readers to believe he was just another homeless guy, not an undercover cop.
Great ending twist. You concealed the ending well. - Thesis
Comment Written 13-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thank you so much. I sincerely appreciate the feedback, and I'm glad you enjoyed reading this.
Jani
Comment from InHisownwrite
Love the build up to this ending, which you don't expect... love the characters as well... my favorite line
(he waited like a cobra ready to strike the insuspecting woman) sometimes what appears to be the villian is actually the hero.. and vice versa.... Good job! Bryan
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Love the build up to this ending, which you don't expect... love the characters as well... my favorite line
(he waited like a cobra ready to strike the insuspecting woman) sometimes what appears to be the villian is actually the hero.. and vice versa.... Good job! Bryan
Comment Written 13-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thank you so much. I sincerely appreciate the feedback, and I'm glad you enjoyed reading this.
Jani
Comment from DrCarter2001
Great job, Janilou! You played out this story well and came up with the best twist of an ending for this contest I've read yet. I might suggest tightening up the last couple of paragraphs just a little:
A man in a tattered trench coat lumbered toward them.
"What took you so long?" Chuck snapped... (it's not essential to the story that he look up)
...He plucked the gun from her handbag (clarifying where it came from) and handed his partner a pair of handcuffs.
Oh, I also think veteran is abbreviated with a capital "Vet", whereas vet lowercase is veterinarian, but I'm not 100% sure. Maybe you can check that (I'm having internet problems here or I'd look it up). Best of luck in the contest; you have a winner in my book!
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2010
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Great job, Janilou! You played out this story well and came up with the best twist of an ending for this contest I've read yet. I might suggest tightening up the last couple of paragraphs just a little:
A man in a tattered trench coat lumbered toward them.
"What took you so long?" Chuck snapped... (it's not essential to the story that he look up)
...He plucked the gun from her handbag (clarifying where it came from) and handed his partner a pair of handcuffs.
Oh, I also think veteran is abbreviated with a capital "Vet", whereas vet lowercase is veterinarian, but I'm not 100% sure. Maybe you can check that (I'm having internet problems here or I'd look it up). Best of luck in the contest; you have a winner in my book!
Comment Written 13-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2010
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Fabulous suggestions! Thank you. I implemented them. Many thanks for the wonderful review. :-)
Jani
Comment from Shirley McLain
Very good and what a surprise ending. It was well written and full of action. You brought out emotion in me while I was reading. Very good job.
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Very good and what a surprise ending. It was well written and full of action. You brought out emotion in me while I was reading. Very good job.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thank you so much. I sincerely appreciate the feedback, and I'm glad you enjoyed reading this.
Jani
Comment from IrisD
I seldom give six stars but this flash fiction is very deserving. I hope you win the contest. Great job. I like the irony.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2010
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I seldom give six stars but this flash fiction is very deserving. I hope you win the contest. Great job. I like the irony.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2010
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Wow. Thank you so much. I deeply appreciate both your comments and the exceptional rating. Many thanks for the honor.
Jani
Comment from bob cullen
The art of the short story is in providing the last second twist. You have done that superbly.
You writing style has no flaws. The reader is taken in by your characterisation. It is so easy to picture the old 'derelict.'
Great job
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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The art of the short story is in providing the last second twist. You have done that superbly.
You writing style has no flaws. The reader is taken in by your characterisation. It is so easy to picture the old 'derelict.'
Great job
Comment Written 13-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 20-May-2010
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Thank you so much. I sincerely appreciate the feedback, and I'm glad you enjoyed reading this.
Jani
Comment from RenieReader
Aha!! You sure fooled me on this one, Jani. I just knew he was going to rob her and maybe do other unseemly things to her. What a life. Ya just never know who's the good guy and who's the bad. Great job.
Kudos and Hugs,
Renie
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2010
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Aha!! You sure fooled me on this one, Jani. I just knew he was going to rob her and maybe do other unseemly things to her. What a life. Ya just never know who's the good guy and who's the bad. Great job.
Kudos and Hugs,
Renie
Comment Written 12-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2010
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Wow! Renie, bless your heart! I'm about to hit the hay, and thought I'd check my reviews one last time tonight. lol You are too kind, but I'm so glad you enjoyed it this much. I'm honored.
Hugs,
Jani
Comment from Shirley B
Okay you had me, I jumped to conclusions, I will admit it. You did a great job with the imagery of this story. The action was step by step and I really enjoyed it. Good luck to you in the contest, Shirley
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2010
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Okay you had me, I jumped to conclusions, I will admit it. You did a great job with the imagery of this story. The action was step by step and I really enjoyed it. Good luck to you in the contest, Shirley
Comment Written 12-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2010
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Thank you so much, Shirley! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. :-)
Jani
Comment from janna777
What can i say? Surprising. Entertaining. And this is great, since I honest to god don't know who reads those slow depressing stories that are supposed to be... what? Showing me how bad some people have it? Like I don't know. So, entertaining is great. Also, I have this habit reading fast, skipping lines, and when it works, I'm actually disappointed. It means the writing is not condensed enough. this is. So... My only question is: is there anything you can do with th flash fiction beyond this site?
--- janna
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2010
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What can i say? Surprising. Entertaining. And this is great, since I honest to god don't know who reads those slow depressing stories that are supposed to be... what? Showing me how bad some people have it? Like I don't know. So, entertaining is great. Also, I have this habit reading fast, skipping lines, and when it works, I'm actually disappointed. It means the writing is not condensed enough. this is. So... My only question is: is there anything you can do with th flash fiction beyond this site?
--- janna
Comment Written 12-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2010
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Thank you so much, Janna. I very much appreciate your comments, and I understand what you mean. :-) I do know there is a wonderful e-zine run by Suneagle, called . . . geeze, I'm going to have to look it up and get back to you!
:-)
Jani
