Bridge to Fantasy
a Puente poem26 total reviews
Comment from closetpoetjester
Ah, fairy tales...don't we all love 'em! This was an excellent job. Rhyming beautiful and meter near perfect.
It was a thoroughly good read from start to finish and took me straight back to my childhood to all those nursery rhymes I know and love...thanks for sharing your wonderful talent.
Cheers closetpoetjester
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2010
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Ah, fairy tales...don't we all love 'em! This was an excellent job. Rhyming beautiful and meter near perfect.
It was a thoroughly good read from start to finish and took me straight back to my childhood to all those nursery rhymes I know and love...thanks for sharing your wonderful talent.
Cheers closetpoetjester
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2010
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Thanks for the wonderful review, closetpoetjester.
I've changed a couple of lines to smooth out the meter, which was off kilter. Glad you enjoyed this Puente poem, and that it could take you back to some fun childhood memories.
Appreciate all your comments ... ;0) starkat
Comment from Amfunny
excellent poem and great writing evidenced in your poem. I enjoyed reading and reviewing it very much. Especially liked: Our lives are stories in the end
that greet each other 'round the bend.
Though roots are part of printed page,
imagination sets the stage.
Well done.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2010
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excellent poem and great writing evidenced in your poem. I enjoyed reading and reviewing it very much. Especially liked: Our lives are stories in the end
that greet each other 'round the bend.
Though roots are part of printed page,
imagination sets the stage.
Well done.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2010
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Thanks, Amfunny. Glad you enjoyed this poem. Appreciate your comments ... ;0)
Comment from ms. cardshark
Your poem goes wonderfully with the picture. Great words, like the line, "to build a bridge where children climb..."
Nicely done.
MM
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2010
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Your poem goes wonderfully with the picture. Great words, like the line, "to build a bridge where children climb..."
Nicely done.
MM
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2010
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Thanks, MM. Glad you enjoyed this poem as it goes with the artwork. Appreciate your review ...;0) Art
Comment from miss joyce
An idealistic write of how the tree is a part of all aspects of life helping us to cross bridges and much more. This is an excellent contest entry meeting all requirements. Best of luck!
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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An idealistic write of how the tree is a part of all aspects of life helping us to cross bridges and much more. This is an excellent contest entry meeting all requirements. Best of luck!
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Thanks, miss joyce. Glad you enjoyed this poem. Appreciate your thoughts and comments. Cheers ... ;0)
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My pleasure to review!
Comment from IndianaIrish
Dearest PuenteKat! What a wonderful poem this is. I read it twice--the second time out loud and what a delight it is. All writers are a part of your poem as our words join us together in a land of dreams and fantasy. I loved climbing on your bridge, magicspellkitty! Best wishes with this outstanding poem in the contest!
CahootsIndy :>)
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Dearest PuenteKat! What a wonderful poem this is. I read it twice--the second time out loud and what a delight it is. All writers are a part of your poem as our words join us together in a land of dreams and fantasy. I loved climbing on your bridge, magicspellkitty! Best wishes with this outstanding poem in the contest!
CahootsIndy :>)
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Hello CahootsIndy ... Thanks for the wonderful review and awesome rating! Glad you enjoyed this Puente, and that it made your Irish eyes smile. Appreciate all your thoughts and commenst on this poem. I had some fun creating it ... magicspellskitty ;0)
Hope you had a fabulous St. Paddy's Day. After I posted, I went to our annual parade with some friends and their kids. As I've told you before, we have a huge Irish population here. The parade is a huge hit every year with hundreds of thousands attending. So, I've been partying all day ... lots of Irish Pubs and music, dancing, etc. You would have loved it. There are dozens of Irish Pubs and restauants within walking distance of where I live. I definitely had my share of Guinness and good times today. Actually, the partying here in Westport is still going on. They really get into it ... ;>) greendressedkitty
Comment from Sally Carter
What a super poem and great interpretation of the picture! I thought about having a go at this, but felt daunted by the task.
I enjoyed the whole poem, but specially the first stanza. The way you captured the idea of the tree talking to the gnome was wonderful.
I also liked the clever way you used the bridge from the first to the second stanza.
Overall the meter was excellent, but I hope you don't mind me mentioning a couple of places where you might make it even better.
"so fantasies flourish on earth". To make this scan, you would have to say "flou-RISH", which is not natural. I don't know if there is another word or phrase where the stress falls on the second syllable, eg "are BORN on EARTH.. burst FORTH?
The other line is: "that lead readers to fairy tales". Again, to make it scan you would have to say "reaDERS". I can't immediately think of a "diDUM" word, I'm afraid.
Hope this is helpful. That is certainly my intention.
Thank you so much for the pleasure of reading this charming poem.
Sally
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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What a super poem and great interpretation of the picture! I thought about having a go at this, but felt daunted by the task.
I enjoyed the whole poem, but specially the first stanza. The way you captured the idea of the tree talking to the gnome was wonderful.
I also liked the clever way you used the bridge from the first to the second stanza.
Overall the meter was excellent, but I hope you don't mind me mentioning a couple of places where you might make it even better.
"so fantasies flourish on earth". To make this scan, you would have to say "flou-RISH", which is not natural. I don't know if there is another word or phrase where the stress falls on the second syllable, eg "are BORN on EARTH.. burst FORTH?
The other line is: "that lead readers to fairy tales". Again, to make it scan you would have to say "reaDERS". I can't immediately think of a "diDUM" word, I'm afraid.
Hope this is helpful. That is certainly my intention.
Thank you so much for the pleasure of reading this charming poem.
Sally
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Thanks for the wonderful review, Sally. Glad you enjoyed this Puente poem. I like trying out new forms. I agree with you on those lines that don't scan correctly. I've changed 'that lead readers to fairy tales' to 'that show the way to fairy tales'. I still need to think about the 'fantasies flourish' line.. hmmm, 'so fantasies will thrive on earth'...something like that would scan better.
Yes... your review is very helpful as I would like this poem to flow smoothly from start to finish. There are lots of challenges in a poem like this one...with rhythm, rhyme and storyline.
Appreciate all your comments. Cheers ...;0) Art
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Art, thank you for your gracious reply, and for that wonderful reviewing vote. That is much appreciated, and it is terrific to meet another writer who welcomes suggestions. I am delighted if I was helpful, and certainly the first amendment reads perfectly now. The second one is harder, and I couldn't immediately come up with an alternative, but it will be there, somewhere, and you will find it. With best wishes. Sally
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what would you think about the 'fantasies flourish' line if I changed it to ...
From special seeds we've grown since birth
to link our legacy on earth.
(this idea came to me and seems to fit)
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Spot on! I knew it was there somewhere. Great poem, and I hope it gets its due recognition. Sally
Comment from joemass
G'day starcat
Lovely, imaginative piece of writing, though I was left a little uncertain as to who speaker and listener were. Neither the words nor the illustration seemed to relate particularly to "Bridge to Fantasy.'
Cheers
Joemass
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2010
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G'day starcat
Lovely, imaginative piece of writing, though I was left a little uncertain as to who speaker and listener were. Neither the words nor the illustration seemed to relate particularly to "Bridge to Fantasy.'
Cheers
Joemass
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2010
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Hi Joemass... The speaker is the talking tree, and the listener is the elf, or gnome that sits on its trunk. The artwork leaves a lot for the imagination to work with. The Puente form was a fun challenge.
Appreciate your review ... ;0) starkat
Comment from luna
Ahhhhhhhhhh.....I love it! This was music to my ears, my form buddy, each and every word. There was only one spot that sort of tripped me up as I was reading aloud, and that was "that lead readers to fairy tales" - it just seemed to be a small tad out of kilter with the rest of the rhythm - how about "that show the way to fairy tales" - just a thought - it's your poem and it's WONDERFUL. I do believe I may be reading the winner of the contest. Thanks so much for entering, Art, and good luck in the booth.
Love,
Jen *smile*
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Ahhhhhhhhhh.....I love it! This was music to my ears, my form buddy, each and every word. There was only one spot that sort of tripped me up as I was reading aloud, and that was "that lead readers to fairy tales" - it just seemed to be a small tad out of kilter with the rest of the rhythm - how about "that show the way to fairy tales" - just a thought - it's your poem and it's WONDERFUL. I do believe I may be reading the winner of the contest. Thanks so much for entering, Art, and good luck in the booth.
Love,
Jen *smile*
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Thanks again, Jen, for the wonderful review and awesome rating. 'that show the way to fairy tales' is so much better than what I wrote. There are some other lines that I may need to work on the rhythm ...the 'fantasies flouish' line is off kilter a bit. Anyway, I'm thrilled you liked my Puente. I had some fun creating it. Thanks again for creating this contest.
Appreciate all your comments.
Your form buddy... ;0) Art
Comment from harleyangelbrat
You are so talented. I love this. This is one of the best Puente poems I have ever read. It is an awesome story and you wrote it so well. I enjoyed reading this. It is cute and beautiful. If I could give a 6 I would. Great job! God bless you.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2010
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You are so talented. I love this. This is one of the best Puente poems I have ever read. It is an awesome story and you wrote it so well. I enjoyed reading this. It is cute and beautiful. If I could give a 6 I would. Great job! God bless you.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2010
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Thanks for the wonderful review, harleyangelbrat. Glad you enjoyed this Puente poem, and I'm honored with the thought of a 'sixer'. Appreciate all your comments. Hope you have a marvelous day. Cheers ... ;0) starkat
Comment from Judian James
Oh Art, I have no sixes but this is so deserving. Just a fabulous piece of verse with a charming storyline and perfect rhyme and meter. I loved it. The best one yet for this contest in my eyes. Superb!! "While you were gone, I traced our roots,
and now know why we're in cahoots" I LOVED it!!
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2010
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Oh Art, I have no sixes but this is so deserving. Just a fabulous piece of verse with a charming storyline and perfect rhyme and meter. I loved it. The best one yet for this contest in my eyes. Superb!! "While you were gone, I traced our roots,
and now know why we're in cahoots" I LOVED it!!
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2010
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So glad you liked this poem and the storyline, Jude. Appreciate the thought of a 'sixer'!! The meter was off in a couple of places, but I've now fixed those so the poem flows smoothly. I had some fun creating this poem using the Puente form.
Appreciate all your comments!! ... ;0) Art
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I didn't notice any meter glitches but I was so taken almost immediately with where you were going, I either missed them or I reviewed after your fixes! Did you have a chance to go back and take a look at my
"sky-gazing" just for a minute?
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just took another look at it... I like the changes you made in enjambment and meaning...helps me understand how 'define' fits in.
If it were mine, I'd consider putting the last two lines together with the 'Oh please return to me' lines ...
Oh please return to me
on angel wings so dear
as I wait patiently
for any sign your near
{all those lines seem to fit together}
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Thanks Art. I value your opinions very much. I have a foolish post coming up later today.
