Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 " Chapter 10; part three"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
62 total reviews
Comment from Frankeddy
Interesting chapter. Beautiful picture. Does Peggy come into the story in another
chapter ? The chapter was easy to read and very descriptive. Characters well
explained, but for Peggy. Enjoyable chapter and I will watch for more.
Good work. Frankeddy
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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Interesting chapter. Beautiful picture. Does Peggy come into the story in another
chapter ? The chapter was easy to read and very descriptive. Characters well
explained, but for Peggy. Enjoyable chapter and I will watch for more.
Good work. Frankeddy
Comment Written 13-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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Peggy will be out on bail and return to cause trouble very soon. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
No problem with the length; I didn't even notice. In fact, no problems at all. Not one nit did I spot.
I can't believe her family has held off for so long?
Roberta
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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No problem with the length; I didn't even notice. In fact, no problems at all. Not one nit did I spot.
I can't believe her family has held off for so long?
Roberta
Comment Written 13-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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They will be back in full force before long. They are waiting for a mistake.
Comment from Alaskastory
Chapter 10 gives us a new view and some 'tantalizing' scenes. I felt a need to learn more detail.
Did she close the door to be rude and did Ralph say this from behind the door? "Your eyes did."
Where is the 'there' indoors or outdoors in: 'There she saw an Olympic size pool.' ? What sounds to we hear from the pool if she is right next to it? Or is she looking at the monitor and the pool is outside?
'Bob gently dunked her' How does one 'gently' dunk someone? I suggest he just splash her.
'The security system's broken' Should say if this is more than just Ralph leaving his post.
Good story, Barbara.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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Chapter 10 gives us a new view and some 'tantalizing' scenes. I felt a need to learn more detail.
Did she close the door to be rude and did Ralph say this from behind the door? "Your eyes did."
Where is the 'there' indoors or outdoors in: 'There she saw an Olympic size pool.' ? What sounds to we hear from the pool if she is right next to it? Or is she looking at the monitor and the pool is outside?
'Bob gently dunked her' How does one 'gently' dunk someone? I suggest he just splash her.
'The security system's broken' Should say if this is more than just Ralph leaving his post.
Good story, Barbara.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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In a previous chapter when I described the house the pool area was also described. Ralph did not leave his post, but he was not notified by the computer monitors that someone had entered. Thank you for the review.
Comment from Begin Again
Barbara,
It's sure heating up now isn't it? Everyone seems to know that they are in love, except them...not too bright! Great job!
Carol
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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Barbara,
It's sure heating up now isn't it? Everyone seems to know that they are in love, except them...not too bright! Great job!
Carol
Comment Written 13-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your review and support. I appreciate both.
Comment from CKLA
Things are starting to heat up between Steve and Leyla. Loved this chapter.
One line read a little awkward to me,
maybe they'll help (keep) you from getting bored - just a thought :)
Collette
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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Things are starting to heat up between Steve and Leyla. Loved this chapter.
One line read a little awkward to me,
maybe they'll help (keep) you from getting bored - just a thought :)
Collette
Comment Written 13-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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I fixed it. Thank youf or catching the error. I appreciate your review.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Barbara,
A good chapter with some amusingly touching moments. This team certainy has their hands full, I just hope the broken security system hasn't let someone in with bad intentions.
Patrick
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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Hi Barbara,
A good chapter with some amusingly touching moments. This team certainy has their hands full, I just hope the broken security system hasn't let someone in with bad intentions.
Patrick
Comment Written 13-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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We shall see. Thank you for your review and continued support.
Comment from ladybird
A nice, fun filled chapter, one to take the reader away from the worry of Lela getting caught, or killed. Has it only been twenty-three days since Steven met Lela, it seems longer. Well written, as expected.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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A nice, fun filled chapter, one to take the reader away from the worry of Lela getting caught, or killed. Has it only been twenty-three days since Steven met Lela, it seems longer. Well written, as expected.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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Yes, it has. I hope seeming longer isn't a bad thing. Thank you for your review.
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No, it isn't,lol. I'm enjoying the read.
Comment from Sarah_Goldwell
This is another excellent chapter, I could feel the chemistry oozing between Steven and Leya and those muscles!! where is he i wanna meet him lol.
I thought this bit sounded a little awkward with start and started in the same sentence.
[Start the game. Leya's thirty minutes are running out, and the game hasn't started."]
It's only a minor thing though and the rest was excellent x
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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This is another excellent chapter, I could feel the chemistry oozing between Steven and Leya and those muscles!! where is he i wanna meet him lol.
I thought this bit sounded a little awkward with start and started in the same sentence.
[Start the game. Leya's thirty minutes are running out, and the game hasn't started."]
It's only a minor thing though and the rest was excellent x
Comment Written 13-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your review and I will recheck that area. Thank you for your support.
Comment from scottmaiorca
Well done. Overall the story was paced well and believable. Some time I felt the prose could use a little work, it clunked in spots. Here's an example.
Jim ran over to dunk Leya. "Did you call me a gringo?"
Leya eluded him, but Bob grabbed her. "I think she called all of us gringos."
Bob gently dunked her.
The short choppy action sentences are very distracting. I think more descriptive complex sentences would help with the flow.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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Well done. Overall the story was paced well and believable. Some time I felt the prose could use a little work, it clunked in spots. Here's an example.
Jim ran over to dunk Leya. "Did you call me a gringo?"
Leya eluded him, but Bob grabbed her. "I think she called all of us gringos."
Bob gently dunked her.
The short choppy action sentences are very distracting. I think more descriptive complex sentences would help with the flow.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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I think under the circumstances of the fun and banter they were having short sentences would work. During this type of banter people don't speak in complex sentences. Thank you for your review. I appreciate your input.
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Wasn't referring to the dialogue, I agree with you there, more the actions surrounding it. Either way trust your insticts.
Comment from missy98writer
Barbara,
Your latest chapter of 'Tantalizing Eyes' is outstanding. I'd give you a six but I game my last one to Jada a few minutes ago for her erotic purple prose III story - my eyes are burning from her Penthouse sex scene. Leya noticed Steven in his swimming trunks. And she distracted all the guys with her one piece bathing suit. Great descriptive writing and wonderful dialogue as always. Steven has a six pack that would make Usher jealous. Leya was also looking at the lump in his suit, naughty woman. I loved the ending with Steven standing over Leya as she slept remembering how she looked during the volleyball game.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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Barbara,
Your latest chapter of 'Tantalizing Eyes' is outstanding. I'd give you a six but I game my last one to Jada a few minutes ago for her erotic purple prose III story - my eyes are burning from her Penthouse sex scene. Leya noticed Steven in his swimming trunks. And she distracted all the guys with her one piece bathing suit. Great descriptive writing and wonderful dialogue as always. Steven has a six pack that would make Usher jealous. Leya was also looking at the lump in his suit, naughty woman. I loved the ending with Steven standing over Leya as she slept remembering how she looked during the volleyball game.
Melissa.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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Thank you for the wonderful review. I appreciate your support. I promise Leya and Steven will get together, not in the next post, but in the following one.
