Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 " Chapter 10; part three"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
62 total reviews
Comment from Donna Thompson
I wanted to give this six stars but I did not have them available as I loved every sentence as I read along. I fell in love myself with the characters and fell in love with the flirty natured tone of the story.lol. Great job in enticing the reader along....
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2010
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I wanted to give this six stars but I did not have them available as I loved every sentence as I read along. I fell in love myself with the characters and fell in love with the flirty natured tone of the story.lol. Great job in enticing the reader along....
Comment Written 14-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate the virtual stars.
Comment from Readywriter52
She enjoyed playing water volleyball with the guys. She clearly is a distraction. She enjoys teasing the guys. She is in love with Steve. But does this love have a chance. Her father is a drug lord, and Steve is a federal agent. There does seem to be a conflict of interest.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2010
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She enjoyed playing water volleyball with the guys. She clearly is a distraction. She enjoys teasing the guys. She is in love with Steve. But does this love have a chance. Her father is a drug lord, and Steve is a federal agent. There does seem to be a conflict of interest.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2010
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There is a huge conflict of interest and it gets worse. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Ann Smith
I like the continuing story of Leya. The voices in the story are all strong and the dialogue is believeable. I can see the pool and the activities that are going on. Leya seems like a nice young lady, but doesn't realize what she has gotten herself into. I especially like the humor that you spread throughout the story. ann
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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I like the continuing story of Leya. The voices in the story are all strong and the dialogue is believeable. I can see the pool and the activities that are going on. Leya seems like a nice young lady, but doesn't realize what she has gotten herself into. I especially like the humor that you spread throughout the story. ann
Comment Written 13-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from mshugh
Okay - here I come after a two week absence
Here we go - remember - we are working on powerful versb for the next two chapters - on Leya's door holding a breakfast tray - now I like balancing a breakfast tray - because that is what women expect clumsy men to do - I might even bend my rule and use and adverb like balancing precaruiously a breakfast tray
She leaned around Ralph - leaned?
How about peered? craned?
She lifted a piece of toast to her mouth and nibbled at it. - Ouch!
More agressive, Barbara - you can do it - how about - she nibbled at a piece of toast absent mindedly - that give the reader the impression that she has something else on her mind.
Or she wolfed down the first slice of toas - signifies hunger.
After Leya finished eating, she brought the tray downstairs and noticed an unusual silence in the house. - We know she would finish the tray -so let's change it to - An unusual silence pervaded the huse as she returned the tray to the kitchen
Great write as always - now get agressive with those verbs.
Michael
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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Okay - here I come after a two week absence
Here we go - remember - we are working on powerful versb for the next two chapters - on Leya's door holding a breakfast tray - now I like balancing a breakfast tray - because that is what women expect clumsy men to do - I might even bend my rule and use and adverb like balancing precaruiously a breakfast tray
She leaned around Ralph - leaned?
How about peered? craned?
She lifted a piece of toast to her mouth and nibbled at it. - Ouch!
More agressive, Barbara - you can do it - how about - she nibbled at a piece of toast absent mindedly - that give the reader the impression that she has something else on her mind.
Or she wolfed down the first slice of toas - signifies hunger.
After Leya finished eating, she brought the tray downstairs and noticed an unusual silence in the house. - We know she would finish the tray -so let's change it to - An unusual silence pervaded the huse as she returned the tray to the kitchen
Great write as always - now get agressive with those verbs.
Michael
Comment Written 13-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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Fiddle fart, I actually thought I had done better. Darn you, but I am glad for your time and the effort you put forward.
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You have done much better!
Didn't I say that
It's just every week I hold you to a much higher standard!
And will continue to do so!
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I do look forward to them, but it still ouches.
Comment from Deanita
I'm sorry I haven't read the other chapters of this very interesting book.I enjoyed this chapter. I'm sure Leya and Steven will fall in love.
Leya must be beautiful since the men keep looking at her and Stvens comment to himself "It's amazing what a pretty face can do to a team, isn't it? I think he's right. Steven should't wonder why he's falling in love so fast.
I will be looking for your next chapter.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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I'm sorry I haven't read the other chapters of this very interesting book.I enjoyed this chapter. I'm sure Leya and Steven will fall in love.
Leya must be beautiful since the men keep looking at her and Stvens comment to himself "It's amazing what a pretty face can do to a team, isn't it? I think he's right. Steven should't wonder why he's falling in love so fast.
I will be looking for your next chapter.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Rama Rao
Excellent chapter as usual.
Good thing you didn't break it up into smaller parts as the reader's understanding would have been interrupted.
You're bringing out the love between Steven and Leya in a subtle manner.
Great job.
Two typos, used to your green eyes and needs repairs.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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Excellent chapter as usual.
Good thing you didn't break it up into smaller parts as the reader's understanding would have been interrupted.
You're bringing out the love between Steven and Leya in a subtle manner.
Great job.
Two typos, used to your green eyes and needs repairs.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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I will take a look at it. No one has mentioned, but they could have missed it. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Helen Tan
Popped in for a read, easy to read chapter and no SPAG noted. The desire is definitely building as you have more vivid descriptions of their body reactions.
She opened the door wider and accepted the tray.
She lifted a piece of toast to her mouth and nibbled at it.
The last image I have of Leya is of her accepting the tray and standing at the door and now she's nibbling the toast. Where is she? Still standing at the door? In which case it would be difficult for her to lift the toast when she still has the tray in her hands. Unless you state she accepts the tray with one hand leaving one hand free. I hope you see what I'm getting at.
"I've known Leya for twenty-three days. How could I fall in love with her so fast?"
I'm wondering whether he's saying this aloud or is this just internal dialogue. If it's the latter, suggest italic font and removing the quote marks. If not, just ignore this comment.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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Popped in for a read, easy to read chapter and no SPAG noted. The desire is definitely building as you have more vivid descriptions of their body reactions.
She opened the door wider and accepted the tray.
She lifted a piece of toast to her mouth and nibbled at it.
The last image I have of Leya is of her accepting the tray and standing at the door and now she's nibbling the toast. Where is she? Still standing at the door? In which case it would be difficult for her to lift the toast when she still has the tray in her hands. Unless you state she accepts the tray with one hand leaving one hand free. I hope you see what I'm getting at.
"I've known Leya for twenty-three days. How could I fall in love with her so fast?"
I'm wondering whether he's saying this aloud or is this just internal dialogue. If it's the latter, suggest italic font and removing the quote marks. If not, just ignore this comment.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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I will take a look at both areas. Thank you for bringing them to my attention and you support.
Comment from laurelp
It needs (to be) repaired ASAP." - only error I found.
Very good description yet still on the PG side which works fine for me. Good use of details and very nicely written. Another excellent chapter. Thank you.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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It needs (to be) repaired ASAP." - only error I found.
Very good description yet still on the PG side which works fine for me. Good use of details and very nicely written. Another excellent chapter. Thank you.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind words and support. I appreciate both.
Comment from Belinda
Hey, Barbara, you have describe the physical attraction of Leya to Steven and vise versa so well in this chapter. So the length is worth it ...:) Interesting chapter.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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Hey, Barbara, you have describe the physical attraction of Leya to Steven and vise versa so well in this chapter. So the length is worth it ...:) Interesting chapter.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your support and the review.
Comment from wierdgrace
I learn more everytime I read a chapter of your books, this is great and the phote of the beauty is perfect, your character Leya is so real, and I could see her, thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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I learn more everytime I read a chapter of your books, this is great and the phote of the beauty is perfect, your character Leya is so real, and I could see her, thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your support and the kind review.
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always welcome
