Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 " Chapter 10; part three"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
62 total reviews
Comment from dragonqueen1983
you have another well writen chapter here. it might be longer than most of your other but the picture makes it stand out. well done
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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you have another well writen chapter here. it might be longer than most of your other but the picture makes it stand out. well done
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your review. I had a complaint about that artwork. The reviewer thought it was too much.
Comment from hyway94
It's been awhile sense I read one of your chapters. I loved this one I guess I'll have to go back and see if I can catch up. In reading this I found no mistakes and I really like the word flow.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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It's been awhile sense I read one of your chapters. I loved this one I guess I'll have to go back and see if I can catch up. In reading this I found no mistakes and I really like the word flow.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Thank you very much for your review.
Comment from RebelRose
I loved this. They are getting closer and closer. All the rest of the guys already know what Leya and Steven are soon (I hope) to admit to each other.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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I loved this. They are getting closer and closer. All the rest of the guys already know what Leya and Steven are soon (I hope) to admit to each other.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Yes, they do admit their love very soon. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from nora arjuna
so steven's finally admitting he's in love. high time i think. nothing's wrong since they're married.
see some suggestions:
As she neared the basement, she heard men's voices, opened the door, and walked down the stairs following the sound.
Reaching the basement, she heard men's voices. She opened the door and walked down the stairs in the direction of the sound.
[There she saw] an Olympic size pool. - She came upon...
I've been watching the monitors.["]
[She turned] toward the men and smiled. "I haven't even been here for twenty-four hours. I doubt I'm in any real danger." [She turned] back to Ralph. - close repetition. maybe adjust the first:
She watched the men and smiled.
He removed the premedical book from her hand. He opened the folded bookmark and read,
He removed the premedical book from her hand, opened the folded bookmark and read,
hope those help somehow.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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so steven's finally admitting he's in love. high time i think. nothing's wrong since they're married.
see some suggestions:
As she neared the basement, she heard men's voices, opened the door, and walked down the stairs following the sound.
Reaching the basement, she heard men's voices. She opened the door and walked down the stairs in the direction of the sound.
[There she saw] an Olympic size pool. - She came upon...
I've been watching the monitors.["]
[She turned] toward the men and smiled. "I haven't even been here for twenty-four hours. I doubt I'm in any real danger." [She turned] back to Ralph. - close repetition. maybe adjust the first:
She watched the men and smiled.
He removed the premedical book from her hand. He opened the folded bookmark and read,
He removed the premedical book from her hand, opened the folded bookmark and read,
hope those help somehow.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Thank you for point these out. I will take care of them. I appreciate your support.
Comment from Valkarie
Excellent piece of writing I wanted it to go on when it had reached the end...Your words flowed with a visual and concise element about them making for a great plot. I found the piece very creative both in vocaburary and imagery, a very creative piece of writing with words that flowed eloquently.
Valkarie...
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Excellent piece of writing I wanted it to go on when it had reached the end...Your words flowed with a visual and concise element about them making for a great plot. I found the piece very creative both in vocaburary and imagery, a very creative piece of writing with words that flowed eloquently.
Valkarie...
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from bookishfabler
He fell for her because she's hot. LOL. and vice versa. I see your innocent profile picture and read about nipples and hardon's it makes me smile.
I'm not possitive, but is it
hyphened?
absent(-) mindedly.
An unusual silence pervaded the house as she returned the tray to the kitchen. When she searched the house and found no one, she began worrying. As she neared the basement, she heard men's voices, opened the door, and walked down the stairs following the sound
(in this paragraph you say shee often and I have no idea who she is. Since this is a new scene, I would mention her name once here.)
hugs
book
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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He fell for her because she's hot. LOL. and vice versa. I see your innocent profile picture and read about nipples and hardon's it makes me smile.
I'm not possitive, but is it
hyphened?
absent(-) mindedly.
An unusual silence pervaded the house as she returned the tray to the kitchen. When she searched the house and found no one, she began worrying. As she neared the basement, she heard men's voices, opened the door, and walked down the stairs following the sound
(in this paragraph you say shee often and I have no idea who she is. Since this is a new scene, I would mention her name once here.)
hugs
book
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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I took care of both issues. I just assumed since Leya is the only female in the house, it was understood who it was, but then again you should never assume. Thank you for your kind review and support.
Comment from Angelite
Great chapter.
Kept a good pace.
Easy to read, keeps the interest.
Good dialogue.
No obvious nits
Looking forward to the next chapter
Angel
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Great chapter.
Kept a good pace.
Easy to read, keeps the interest.
Good dialogue.
No obvious nits
Looking forward to the next chapter
Angel
Comment Written 15-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
This is definitely romance, and aroused men are at a real disadvantage compared to aroused women, especially out in public. But why did the security system break down? Also, that is quite a picture you borrowed from Fan Art Review, but I picture Leya as a bit taller and less bouncy than that.
I thoroughly enjoyed this read and have several comments:
"I knew he was muscular but, his muscles bulge." The comma should go before the "but," not after.
"I still haven't got use [used] to your green eyes."
"The security system's broken. It needs [to be] repaired ASAP."
Dave
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2010
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Barbara,
This is definitely romance, and aroused men are at a real disadvantage compared to aroused women, especially out in public. But why did the security system break down? Also, that is quite a picture you borrowed from Fan Art Review, but I picture Leya as a bit taller and less bouncy than that.
I thoroughly enjoyed this read and have several comments:
"I knew he was muscular but, his muscles bulge." The comma should go before the "but," not after.
"I still haven't got use [used] to your green eyes."
"The security system's broken. It needs [to be] repaired ASAP."
Dave
Comment Written 14-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2010
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I agree with your assumption of Leya, but that's all I could find at the time in a swimsuit. I have sense found a photo, that I like much better. It will be on my next post. Thank you for catching those errors. I am on them
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Barbara,
These things happen. At times, I have to choose the photo that best fits, not one that I would think is ideal.
Dave
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Hey, May I ask a question? I just reviewed you and C_Lucas. You two look a lot alike are distant cousins or something?
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Barbara,
That is strictly coincidence. We're not related at all, although we are of the same age. His real last name isn't Lucas, but I've seen it, and none of my relatives have that name. But who knows? Maybe we are related distantly.
Dave
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Not a problem. coincidences happen all the time.
Comment from vandawalker
This is seductive writing and the romance is building between the two main characters.
Just mostly some commas needed:
-"You needed a jacket(,) and you need to rest.
-the pool(,) and then addressed the men;
-two thirds of my team's in love(,) so we're at a disadvantage."
they were at (a) disadvantage.
You accomplished your goal. The picture is a little too much.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2010
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This is seductive writing and the romance is building between the two main characters.
Just mostly some commas needed:
-"You needed a jacket(,) and you need to rest.
-the pool(,) and then addressed the men;
-two thirds of my team's in love(,) so we're at a disadvantage."
they were at (a) disadvantage.
You accomplished your goal. The picture is a little too much.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2010
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I've got many compliments on the picture. I don't normally use them, but some of my fans have been asking. Sorry. Thank you for your review. I will recheck those areas.
Comment from BJean
Sounds like they are starting to really swoon. Maybe the marriage will become a real one. Hope no one else gets past the security system. Well written and kept my interest. Good job. Love, Jean
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2010
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Sounds like they are starting to really swoon. Maybe the marriage will become a real one. Hope no one else gets past the security system. Well written and kept my interest. Good job. Love, Jean
Comment Written 14-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
