Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "Chapter 9; part two"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
53 total reviews
Comment from ZigzagMLT
This is the turning point for their relationship. What was she thinking about? We want to know.
I wonder what will happen now as two different stories go around about the safe house location... will there be a need for a plan C?
I like the plot thickening in this chapter too - subtle and thout provoking.
Zigzagmlt
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2010
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This is the turning point for their relationship. What was she thinking about? We want to know.
I wonder what will happen now as two different stories go around about the safe house location... will there be a need for a plan C?
I like the plot thickening in this chapter too - subtle and thout provoking.
Zigzagmlt
Comment Written 28-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2010
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I can't tell you what she was thinking, because of a POV switch. I would like to, but...... Thank you for your review.
Comment from Nicnac
Smooth flowing chapter. I could picture Steven's stubble and rumpled appearance. (yummy)
I didn't notice any errors or discrepancies. Everything is moving along nicely. Conversation is natural.
I laughed when Steven misunderstood Leya about the first floor window. :)
I'm glad Leya is feeling much better.
'Major Albright, I need to run some tests on Mrs. Albright' <--Perhaps the doctor would say 'tests on your wife' - since they know they are married. ;)
I enjoyed!
On to the next chapter... :)
Nic
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Smooth flowing chapter. I could picture Steven's stubble and rumpled appearance. (yummy)
I didn't notice any errors or discrepancies. Everything is moving along nicely. Conversation is natural.
I laughed when Steven misunderstood Leya about the first floor window. :)
I'm glad Leya is feeling much better.
'Major Albright, I need to run some tests on Mrs. Albright' <--Perhaps the doctor would say 'tests on your wife' - since they know they are married. ;)
I enjoyed!
On to the next chapter... :)
Nic
Comment Written 27-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I changed the wife thing. I think you are right about it.
Comment from Sarah_Goldwell
You writing is excellent. I cannot fault it in any way. I have read a lot of your work over the years. It is always consistent with a professional feel. There is a lot to be learned from presentation and style, keep up the good work
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2010
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You writing is excellent. I cannot fault it in any way. I have read a lot of your work over the years. It is always consistent with a professional feel. There is a lot to be learned from presentation and style, keep up the good work
Comment Written 24-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate your continued support
Comment from Sherry S
Hey barbara I think I told you how much I loved this the other day but it say I can still send a review. so I will say it again great stuff I like it
I didn't really joined Fanstory to write. I was more interested in reading and supporting my husband who is also on Fanstory, but after having a discussion with a couple of the girls on the subject of my story. I promised I would write one
But I like reading the new stuff before it on the shelves even more
Sherry
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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Hey barbara I think I told you how much I loved this the other day but it say I can still send a review. so I will say it again great stuff I like it
I didn't really joined Fanstory to write. I was more interested in reading and supporting my husband who is also on Fanstory, but after having a discussion with a couple of the girls on the subject of my story. I promised I would write one
But I like reading the new stuff before it on the shelves even more
Sherry
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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I really hope you write your own. I can't imagine it would be well worth reading. Thank you for the review.
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I don't know I just did a flash story don't know if it is any good I have never written any of this stuff, read 1000s but putting it on paper is really intimidating
Sherry
Comment from Tamatha Joyce
I really enjoyed your story, it was very easy to read and the flow was great.
I have a feeling Major is going to get in trouble with Leya soon.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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I really enjoyed your story, it was very easy to read and the flow was great.
I have a feeling Major is going to get in trouble with Leya soon.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Mariea
Good morning Barbara. Another good fast moving chapter. Characters are consistent throughout and no glitches are apparent. I look forward to the next one.
Have a great day. Rgds Mia
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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Good morning Barbara. Another good fast moving chapter. Characters are consistent throughout and no glitches are apparent. I look forward to the next one.
Have a great day. Rgds Mia
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from despiser
Barbara
well written chapter overall. Descriptive portrayal of emotions. Teased is used in back-to-back paragraphs. Razor stubble - Ive never heard this context, just stubble should suffice.
Two separate povs indicated in this paragraph:
Her eyes captivated him. Again, they searched his soul, before she said, "I completely trust you."
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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Barbara
well written chapter overall. Descriptive portrayal of emotions. Teased is used in back-to-back paragraphs. Razor stubble - Ive never heard this context, just stubble should suffice.
Two separate povs indicated in this paragraph:
Her eyes captivated him. Again, they searched his soul, before she said, "I completely trust you."
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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I will take a look at them. Thank you for your eagle eye.
Comment from wierdgrace
I have always loved your characters in this story, your never lose who they are and where the story is, but your describtions in this story is the best, I loved it, his face, I could see it, needing a shave, I look forward to more of your writing.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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I have always loved your characters in this story, your never lose who they are and where the story is, but your describtions in this story is the best, I loved it, his face, I could see it, needing a shave, I look forward to more of your writing.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind words and continued support.
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u r welcome
Comment from Queenise
Barbara,I love this chapter as well as the others. Love the chemistry between the two and the story has a good flow and pace,the scene is so life like. Blessings. Queenise
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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Barbara,I love this chapter as well as the others. Love the chemistry between the two and the story has a good flow and pace,the scene is so life like. Blessings. Queenise
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind words and continued support.
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You're welcome,Barbara. Blessings. Queenise
Comment from laurelp
Excellent chapter. Leaves open the fact she could describe the place to bring someone there. Allows suspicion to remain on her as well as others. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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Excellent chapter. Leaves open the fact she could describe the place to bring someone there. Allows suspicion to remain on her as well as others. Nicely done.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your review.
