Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "Chapter 9; part 1"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
49 total reviews
Comment from ZigzagMLT
I like the way you've brought Peggy back in, and the plot thickens.
Love the way you're working on the love angle, and the family aspect of the two men has come out in full force.
Some of it is rather light on the surface, in terms of dealing with the prejudice, but perhaps it works as you're dealing with a hospital situation.
Thanks,
Zigzagmlt
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2010
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I like the way you've brought Peggy back in, and the plot thickens.
Love the way you're working on the love angle, and the family aspect of the two men has come out in full force.
Some of it is rather light on the surface, in terms of dealing with the prejudice, but perhaps it works as you're dealing with a hospital situation.
Thanks,
Zigzagmlt
Comment Written 28-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2010
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The prejudice issue will be revisited very soon. Thank you for your review.
Comment from tammipratt
Good read, well done. Would probably suggest you just break this para up a little for readability:
Matt grinned. "Could make for some interesting discussions. Imagine how much fun Congress could have with that, especially when future funding's discussed?" He thought for a few seconds, then said, "Steven, that's not your problem, it's mine. I'll support any decision you make where Leya's concerned, one hundred percent. You know you're like family to me, don't you? Do what's right for you and Leya, and I'll take care of Congress. I'm always ready for a good battle."
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2010
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Good read, well done. Would probably suggest you just break this para up a little for readability:
Matt grinned. "Could make for some interesting discussions. Imagine how much fun Congress could have with that, especially when future funding's discussed?" He thought for a few seconds, then said, "Steven, that's not your problem, it's mine. I'll support any decision you make where Leya's concerned, one hundred percent. You know you're like family to me, don't you? Do what's right for you and Leya, and I'll take care of Congress. I'm always ready for a good battle."
Comment Written 17-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2010
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I will take another look at it. Thank you for your review and suggestion.
Comment from Balladeer
Hi,I just came back new to the site so unfortunately I haven't read anything of you previous work. I found this chapter to flow rather well and managed to get caught up in the story. Nice work. Be well, Skye
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2010
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Hi,I just came back new to the site so unfortunately I haven't read anything of you previous work. I found this chapter to flow rather well and managed to get caught up in the story. Nice work. Be well, Skye
Comment Written 16-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Laidy
it has been a while since i have been on to review. my inbox was fuller then youd think. this was an absolutely lovely chapter and always inviting the reader to read the next. great job! love this story
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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it has been a while since i have been on to review. my inbox was fuller then youd think. this was an absolutely lovely chapter and always inviting the reader to read the next. great job! love this story
Comment Written 16-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from anabelle
Ah hah! Someone's finally gotten smart with Peggy. I was pretty sure she instigated the last attack, but since it went nowhere, I began to wonder.
Great job on this chapter. Leya's going to live and Steven admitted his feelings for her to Matt.
Thanks for the lovely read.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Ah hah! Someone's finally gotten smart with Peggy. I was pretty sure she instigated the last attack, but since it went nowhere, I began to wonder.
Great job on this chapter. Leya's going to live and Steven admitted his feelings for her to Matt.
Thanks for the lovely read.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 16-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your review
Comment from Heidixoxo
This was a great story to read and you have done such a nice job writing it. You have such good characters that felt so real and alive. No need for any change here. Good luck to you with this......xoxo
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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This was a great story to read and you have done such a nice job writing it. You have such good characters that felt so real and alive. No need for any change here. Good luck to you with this......xoxo
Comment Written 15-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your review
Comment from nora arjuna
hi barb. another interesting chapter, but i think it's time you get leya out of sickness and move on to the next plot, which looks interesting with the possibility of peggy's involvement.
He hesitated before [he said], "I want to go back to your first statement. - saying, or just 'He hesitated.' avoid repetition of 'he' here
As Matt [walked out] the door, he said, "I'll be back later, if Steven doesn't occupy all your time."
-'As Matt headed towards the door' sounds more appropriate while he's talking.
Their marriage isn't real. Why hasn't someone told the doctor?" - peggy sounds too childlike here and not intelligent enough as an agent. but maybe jealousy can do that to a woman.
looking forward to the next read.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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hi barb. another interesting chapter, but i think it's time you get leya out of sickness and move on to the next plot, which looks interesting with the possibility of peggy's involvement.
He hesitated before [he said], "I want to go back to your first statement. - saying, or just 'He hesitated.' avoid repetition of 'he' here
As Matt [walked out] the door, he said, "I'll be back later, if Steven doesn't occupy all your time."
-'As Matt headed towards the door' sounds more appropriate while he's talking.
Their marriage isn't real. Why hasn't someone told the doctor?" - peggy sounds too childlike here and not intelligent enough as an agent. but maybe jealousy can do that to a woman.
looking forward to the next read.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2010
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Leya prepares to go home in the next post. Thank you for your review. I will get on those corrections.
Comment from Queenise
Barbara, Honey don't apologize for this chapter. It was so worth every word. It was not too long to me. Very intriguing and emotional. I felt as if I was a part of this great story. Keep up the good work. Blessings to you. Looking forward to the next chapter. Queenise
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2010
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Barbara, Honey don't apologize for this chapter. It was so worth every word. It was not too long to me. Very intriguing and emotional. I felt as if I was a part of this great story. Keep up the good work. Blessings to you. Looking forward to the next chapter. Queenise
Comment Written 15-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate you continueing to read.
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You're so welcome,Barbara. Queenise
Comment from apelle
I love your stuff Barbara, it is so precise, every T is crossed and every I is dotted...
This is as expected a very good chapter. I don't mind longer chapters, you can get more immersed in it.
A good ending, making the reader think Peggy was involved in the attack.
Adina
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2010
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I love your stuff Barbara, it is so precise, every T is crossed and every I is dotted...
This is as expected a very good chapter. I don't mind longer chapters, you can get more immersed in it.
A good ending, making the reader think Peggy was involved in the attack.
Adina
Comment Written 15-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your continued support.
Comment from RazberryBullet
Got a chuckle here: ... You seem almost normal ;p
suggestions: As I watched her /lay>lying/ comatose in bed..."No reason, just /curious>wondered/." Matt listened curiously. (repetition here)
YES!!!..."Find some way that only Peggy knows we're moving Leya to a safe house at 117 Maple Street Saturday around 1100 hours."
I think Peggy is too besotted with Steven to understand she is compromising the whole team because of her jealousy.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2010
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Got a chuckle here: ... You seem almost normal ;p
suggestions: As I watched her /lay>lying/ comatose in bed..."No reason, just /curious>wondered/." Matt listened curiously. (repetition here)
YES!!!..."Find some way that only Peggy knows we're moving Leya to a safe house at 117 Maple Street Saturday around 1100 hours."
I think Peggy is too besotted with Steven to understand she is compromising the whole team because of her jealousy.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your review. I thought I'd ficed the lay, lying one. I know I did, I think everybody has a suggestion on how that one should be written. I better get out my grammar books.
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Lay and lie are tough.
Present tense: lay
I always lay the table for dinner. (noun-table)
I lie on the sofa for a nap every day. (article-on)
Past tense:lay
I laid the table yesterday too. (noun)
Past tense:lie
I lay down for a nap yesterday too. (article)
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As it reads right now, "As I watched her lay comatose in bed" Now lay is the past tense of lie and lie means 'to recline or rest on a surface' so I would say I am correct or I could us lying, but I am not sure I want the present participle because it happened years ago. I don't have a clue.
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Believe me, I know it's confusing. But you use the past tense here: As I watched her...therefore, the verb has to be past tense too.
