Letter From a Distant Battlefield
A soldier's message to a never-forgotten love.37 total reviews
Comment from clbechtold
wow, is this true? It seems hard to write from "his" (I'm thinking male) prespective. Such longing and the life changing decisions battling inside him on the battlefield. Flag shrouded coffin makes me cry.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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wow, is this true? It seems hard to write from "his" (I'm thinking male) prespective. Such longing and the life changing decisions battling inside him on the battlefield. Flag shrouded coffin makes me cry.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Not true... Whenever I write something true, it will say at the top that it is "biographical" (either story or poem.) I'm afraid my imagination is out of control. I need to build a fence around it. It is running wild. I'm sorry.
Comment from irishauthorme
I am not surprised that you won this contest, the scope and depth of your poem was unsurpassed by any other entry.
The courage and regret of the dying warrior was real and touching, hids look into his homecomming brought tears to my eyes.
A wonderful, bittersweet poem.
irish
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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I am not surprised that you won this contest, the scope and depth of your poem was unsurpassed by any other entry.
The courage and regret of the dying warrior was real and touching, hids look into his homecomming brought tears to my eyes.
A wonderful, bittersweet poem.
irish
Comment Written 06-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2010
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Thank you, Irish, for your very specific review. I'm touched that you liked it so much.
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Full coffers make casual offers,
Acceptable. :) Congrats again!
Comment from amada
This is a beautiful, and touching poem of someone who is no sure if he is coming back home or no. I hope this theme happens very much in these times. Congratulations!
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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This is a beautiful, and touching poem of someone who is no sure if he is coming back home or no. I hope this theme happens very much in these times. Congratulations!
Comment Written 04-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind comments on my poem. Thank you for taking time to read and review. Thank you for the congrats.
Comment from Sharesy
This poem was so powerful that it made my heart ache, it made me cry a little. It's flow was clean and direct, the rhyme fit nicely. I read it three times, I liked it that much. Well done.
sharesy.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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This poem was so powerful that it made my heart ache, it made me cry a little. It's flow was clean and direct, the rhyme fit nicely. I read it three times, I liked it that much. Well done.
sharesy.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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You say the kindest things! I'm so glad you liked this poem. Come back soon.
Comment from skye
I love the feeling of sorrow, love, anguish, and also of service.
Your poem is well constructed, rhymes are consistent, and the images strong and memorable.
Very well done.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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I love the feeling of sorrow, love, anguish, and also of service.
Your poem is well constructed, rhymes are consistent, and the images strong and memorable.
Very well done.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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Thank you SO much skye, for your wonderful review, and also for the good wishes. The luck held. : )
Comment from fictionwriter
I'll never understand why people let the one they love slip through their hands, but I read about it over and over. Great little poem. Well done.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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I'll never understand why people let the one they love slip through their hands, but I read about it over and over. Great little poem. Well done.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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Thank you so much for your sympathetic read. I appreciate your comments.
Comment from mountainwriter49
This is a most beautiful poem and one that raises
the question of these "wars." The poem is well developed
and tells a good story. I like the resolve in the last two lines
of everlasting love.
May I offer several thoughts for you to consider?
I'm stationed so far from my [delete my] home,
still fighting this hell of a war. [hellacious war]
I left you one night, right [delete the comma and right]
after a fight, to find comfort in somebody's[someone's] bed.
These suggestions may help tighten up your poem without changing the intent of your verse. Good luck with the writing prompt. Thanks for sharing your poem. -ray
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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This is a most beautiful poem and one that raises
the question of these "wars." The poem is well developed
and tells a good story. I like the resolve in the last two lines
of everlasting love.
May I offer several thoughts for you to consider?
I'm stationed so far from my [delete my] home,
still fighting this hell of a war. [hellacious war]
I left you one night, right [delete the comma and right]
after a fight, to find comfort in somebody's[someone's] bed.
These suggestions may help tighten up your poem without changing the intent of your verse. Good luck with the writing prompt. Thanks for sharing your poem. -ray
Comment Written 03-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your kind words and helpful suggestions. I do need to learn to "tighten the writing." Your ideas are good, but difficult to incorporate without changing the meter. I will certainly try, however. Thank you so much.
Comment from Abba Lin
Wow what a sad, beautiful poem. words of love, words of passion, words of regret.. You are a sweetheart I can tell... Thank you for serving your country, I honor you and pray God blesses you mightily.. We are free today, because of ones like you...Thank you from the bottom of my heart...Love Lin
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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Wow what a sad, beautiful poem. words of love, words of passion, words of regret.. You are a sweetheart I can tell... Thank you for serving your country, I honor you and pray God blesses you mightily.. We are free today, because of ones like you...Thank you from the bottom of my heart...Love Lin
Comment Written 03-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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Thank you for your most kind and empathetic comments. I am often going "inside another's head," much as an actor would, to write a story or poem. This just happens to be one of those times. I rarely write autobiographically, though when I do, I say so in the author notes. You are obviously a sensitive and kind reader and I thank you so much.
Comment from nora arjuna
hi there, i love your entry to this contest. it's sad and i can't picture how people going to war and leaving their loved ones feel. wish you all the best with this.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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hi there, i love your entry to this contest. it's sad and i can't picture how people going to war and leaving their loved ones feel. wish you all the best with this.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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Thank you so much for reading and for your good wishes. I too, feel for the ones who have to leave their loves behind.
Comment from adewpearl
MissMerri, your quatrains have good cadence and abcb rhyme scheme - the second verse where it ends up being abbb stuck out a bit for me since it broke that pattern, but certainly not enough to detract from the emotion of your poem or its overall effect. One can truly feel the remorse of this errant lover as he is living in peril, always aware of his own mortality, and wishing he could live to get a second chance. Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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MissMerri, your quatrains have good cadence and abcb rhyme scheme - the second verse where it ends up being abbb stuck out a bit for me since it broke that pattern, but certainly not enough to detract from the emotion of your poem or its overall effect. One can truly feel the remorse of this errant lover as he is living in peril, always aware of his own mortality, and wishing he could live to get a second chance. Brooke :-)
Comment Written 03-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2010
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Dear Brooke, I am always anxious to make a poem better, and looked long and hard at that second verse after reading your review. The truth is, to me, endure rhymes with sure, but not with war or more. Perhaps it is my California accent at work, but I couldn't hear what you are hearing, so decided not to worry about it. Thank you, as always, for your gracious and perceptive comments. I'm always glad to have your reviews.
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that is definitely our accents at work because all those words are pure rhymes to me. It is fascinating to learn the way people pronounce words from writing and reviewing on this site - both rhyming sounds and syllable counts are a constant source of surprise. :-)
