Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "Chapter Eight, part 1"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
56 total reviews
Comment from Nicnac
Ohh... I wonder if Leya is suddenly going to feel weak in the shower and need Steven's help. LOL Hmmm...
I bet Steven is going to get some of his pj pants and a t-shirt for her to sleep in. ;)
I enjoyed this chapter, and I'm glad all the guys are supportive and protective of Leya. I'm estatic that Peggy is getting her butt kicked out of there. She's an ugly person.
A few little spaggies:
I'm glad she come to that decision (came)
,I>I knew she'd have the same effect on the team as Dani did (looks like the editor added a few extra things at the beginning. lol)
He glanced at Matt and teased,(;) "I think Ralph has a crush on her."
I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
Loved it, Barbara.
Nic
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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Ohh... I wonder if Leya is suddenly going to feel weak in the shower and need Steven's help. LOL Hmmm...
I bet Steven is going to get some of his pj pants and a t-shirt for her to sleep in. ;)
I enjoyed this chapter, and I'm glad all the guys are supportive and protective of Leya. I'm estatic that Peggy is getting her butt kicked out of there. She's an ugly person.
A few little spaggies:
I'm glad she come to that decision (came)
,I>I knew she'd have the same effect on the team as Dani did (looks like the editor added a few extra things at the beginning. lol)
He glanced at Matt and teased,(;) "I think Ralph has a crush on her."
I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
Loved it, Barbara.
Nic
Comment Written 23-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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I must have been fixing those errors while you were reading. I rushed to post. I know better, but did it anyway. No one caught the ; I will take care of that.
Comment from Begin Again
,I>I knew she'd
Great job as usual, Barbara. Glad Peggy finally got what's coming to her...she deserves more...
Smiles to you, Carol
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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,I>I knew she'd
Great job as usual, Barbara. Glad Peggy finally got what's coming to her...she deserves more...
Smiles to you, Carol
Comment Written 23-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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I was correcting this as you were reading. Thank you for your review.
Comment from bookishfabler
Hmm, what the idea? Though there are some nits to fix, I still think it's excellent.
The doc said the only place Leya can be moved to, is the hospital." (I don't think you need the comma)
"I know you've been sick since we last spoke but I told you we wouldn't hold you against your will. (comma before but)
I'm glad she come to that decision. (either she had come or she came)
and teased, "I think Ralph has a crush on her."
(I'm not sure teased is a speech tag, therefore I wouldn't put a comma, but a period.)
Steven stepped into the hall, where Bob stood guard. No comma) You're like me, I put commas everywehre too.)
,I>I knew she'd (A little editor mishap here)
clenched jaw, and the veins in his neck popped out one at a time.
(pop out)
hope this helps
hugs
book
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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Hmm, what the idea? Though there are some nits to fix, I still think it's excellent.
The doc said the only place Leya can be moved to, is the hospital." (I don't think you need the comma)
"I know you've been sick since we last spoke but I told you we wouldn't hold you against your will. (comma before but)
I'm glad she come to that decision. (either she had come or she came)
and teased, "I think Ralph has a crush on her."
(I'm not sure teased is a speech tag, therefore I wouldn't put a comma, but a period.)
Steven stepped into the hall, where Bob stood guard. No comma) You're like me, I put commas everywehre too.)
,I>I knew she'd (A little editor mishap here)
clenched jaw, and the veins in his neck popped out one at a time.
(pop out)
hope this helps
hugs
book
Comment Written 23-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review and catching these. I knew I posted too soon.
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No matter how many times I check mine, and think I got it all. I didn't. Last one, two of my freinds caught totally different nits. That's what we are here for. I hope I was helpful. that's all.
hugs Heidi
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Very helpful. I hate making mistakes. I edit and edit and edit. Thank you so much.
Comment from missy98writer
Barbara,
Another well written chapter. I was engrossed from the first paragraph to the last. Jeez, you had to bring Peggy back, what a bitch. Who doesn't like a good trouble maker it adds tension. Leya and Steven need to get healthy. Peggy needs to be run out on a rail. Your dialogue and descriptive scheme are spot on. I hope part 2 gets posted this weekend.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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Barbara,
Another well written chapter. I was engrossed from the first paragraph to the last. Jeez, you had to bring Peggy back, what a bitch. Who doesn't like a good trouble maker it adds tension. Leya and Steven need to get healthy. Peggy needs to be run out on a rail. Your dialogue and descriptive scheme are spot on. I hope part 2 gets posted this weekend.
Melissa.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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No, way it'll get posted this weekend. I have about $2.00. I have to review to get $.
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There are some great poems, stories and chapters to read and make the $.
Melissa.
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written, Peggy has overplayed her hand and alienated Matt. Steven is beginning to show his feelings toward Leyla. Good job.
A couple of formatting problems.
thought, ,I>I knew (extra comma is interferring with HTML.
Leya would look beautiful in this. (this should be in italics)
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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This is very well written, Peggy has overplayed her hand and alienated Matt. Steven is beginning to show his feelings toward Leyla. Good job.
A couple of formatting problems.
thought, ,I>I knew (extra comma is interferring with HTML.
Leya would look beautiful in this. (this should be in italics)
Comment Written 23-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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I am off to fix those errors. Thank you for finding them for me. I appreciate your support.
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YOu're welcome, Barbara. Charlie
Comment from Thomas Raine
Kind of stumbling into this way into the story, so I focused mostly on the dialogue and I liked what I saw - none of it sounded forced or as if it was being used to further the plot along, in that kind of sense. Thanks for sharing,
TR
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reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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Kind of stumbling into this way into the story, so I focused mostly on the dialogue and I liked what I saw - none of it sounded forced or as if it was being used to further the plot along, in that kind of sense. Thanks for sharing,
TR
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review.
