Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Chapter 7; part 4"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
50 total reviews
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
THE STRENGTH AND SALVATION - YOU'RE STEVEN!
I liked this fiction.
I enjoyed the perfect blend, mix and match of the realistic and passionate dialogues, characters, and message and plot development of the storyline.
Here atmospheric capture, locale and setting concordance in progression of the episode and organised intermingling of thematic percolation in thought percolation is interesting like the catchy introduction and curious conclusiveness.
It was a pleasant welcoming read.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2010
  |
THE STRENGTH AND SALVATION - YOU'RE STEVEN!
I liked this fiction.
I enjoyed the perfect blend, mix and match of the realistic and passionate dialogues, characters, and message and plot development of the storyline.
Here atmospheric capture, locale and setting concordance in progression of the episode and organised intermingling of thematic percolation in thought percolation is interesting like the catchy introduction and curious conclusiveness.
It was a pleasant welcoming read.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2010
-
Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate your support.
Comment from JudeC
This is intriguing. The dialog seems real and moves the story along well.
Even though I haven't read every posting, I was able to gather what was happening.
Good job. :)
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2010
|
This is intriguing. The dialog seems real and moves the story along well.
Even though I haven't read every posting, I was able to gather what was happening.
Good job. :)
Comment Written 19-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from FanDan
I don't usually review book chapters, as it is usually difficult to evaluate a portion of a longer piece without having read what came before. I expected yours to be of a high quality, and am not disappointed.
I have only one thing I noticed for you to check, and that is only a typo.
"Would Father have order that attack?"
Have order[ed]
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2010
|
I don't usually review book chapters, as it is usually difficult to evaluate a portion of a longer piece without having read what came before. I expected yours to be of a high quality, and am not disappointed.
I have only one thing I noticed for you to check, and that is only a typo.
"Would Father have order that attack?"
Have order[ed]
Comment Written 19-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2010
-
Thank you for catching that. Can you believe out of all the reviews I've received you are the only one that noticed. Thank you again.
Comment from pugdogy
just one thing==
would father have order that attack?--ordered
excellent job here, this book chapter grabs the readers attention and holds it through to the very end.
keep up the excellent writing!!!
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2010
|
just one thing==
would father have order that attack?--ordered
excellent job here, this book chapter grabs the readers attention and holds it through to the very end.
keep up the excellent writing!!!
Comment Written 19-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2010
-
Thank you for your review. I appreciate it and have made the correction.
Comment from jayesnb
This was an enjoyable read..no errors that I saw..
I liked the little note at the end from Leya.. Things are really picking up between her and steven....great job..
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2010
|
This was an enjoyable read..no errors that I saw..
I liked the little note at the end from Leya.. Things are really picking up between her and steven....great job..
Comment Written 19-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2010
-
Thank you for the review.
Comment from Rick Koestler
I've read several other chapters and this one is as engaging as the others. You keep the story quite interesting but I think the dialogue is a little heavy. Also one typo
"Would Father have order(ed) that attack?"
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2010
|
I've read several other chapters and this one is as engaging as the others. You keep the story quite interesting but I think the dialogue is a little heavy. Also one typo
"Would Father have order(ed) that attack?"
Comment Written 19-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2010
-
I have already made the correction. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Mariela Parache
I now see why your a recognized writer, good language, good imagery, good read. i like your use of dialog, i am always interested in how authors use this differently
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2010
|
I now see why your a recognized writer, good language, good imagery, good read. i like your use of dialog, i am always interested in how authors use this differently
Comment Written 19-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2010
-
Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from Freeflyer
It is sad that these two lovers have so many complications around them that they cannot be together to enjoy their new-found love.
Great writing.
Maz.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2010
|
It is sad that these two lovers have so many complications around them that they cannot be together to enjoy their new-found love.
Great writing.
Maz.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2010
-
Thank you for your kind words. These two will fight struggles through the entire story.
Comment from Arkine
Hmmm, so I'm wondering if they are going to stay married after all this is said and done, or if something is going to come between them along the way. Didn't see any nits. Nice chapter! :)
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2010
|
Hmmm, so I'm wondering if they are going to stay married after all this is said and done, or if something is going to come between them along the way. Didn't see any nits. Nice chapter! :)
Comment Written 18-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2010
-
Thank you for your review.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
This is an excellent and engrossing chapter. So Leya has yellow fever, and that is a serious matter. I'm not sure if there's any treatment for that, although there is for malaria. And yes, Steven and Leya have a complicated situation.
I enjoyed this read and have one suggestion:
"Mesmerized by each other's eyes, silence filled the room." This is a dangling participle. The silence that filled the room was not mesmerized. Steven and Leya were. Actually, I don't think you need that hackneyed phrase. You could just say, "Silence filled the room." The note Steven finds says it all much better.
Dave
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2010
|
Barbara,
This is an excellent and engrossing chapter. So Leya has yellow fever, and that is a serious matter. I'm not sure if there's any treatment for that, although there is for malaria. And yes, Steven and Leya have a complicated situation.
I enjoyed this read and have one suggestion:
"Mesmerized by each other's eyes, silence filled the room." This is a dangling participle. The silence that filled the room was not mesmerized. Steven and Leya were. Actually, I don't think you need that hackneyed phrase. You could just say, "Silence filled the room." The note Steven finds says it all much better.
Dave
Comment Written 17-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2010
-
Thank I have struggled with that sentence forever. Thank you for giving me an easy way to fix it.
