Trailer Trash
a non-fiction experience35 total reviews
Comment from poetknowit
A truly heart-touching story!
Your spelling and use of quotation marks needs a little touch-up, though.
For example, in the 2nd paragraph, Wednesday should be capitalized,and "inherited"is misspelled.
In the 8th paragraph, the quote marks around Ted's quote end too quickly and should be moved to end after "What do you think I should d0o?"
There are a few other errors but nothing that a good read-through will not correct.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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A truly heart-touching story!
Your spelling and use of quotation marks needs a little touch-up, though.
For example, in the 2nd paragraph, Wednesday should be capitalized,and "inherited"is misspelled.
In the 8th paragraph, the quote marks around Ted's quote end too quickly and should be moved to end after "What do you think I should d0o?"
There are a few other errors but nothing that a good read-through will not correct.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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Thank you, I'm glad U enjoyed it. And yes, there are some things to clean up. It was late. May have to wait till tomorrow.
Comment from BethShelby
I love the down-to-earth way you told this story. It sounded as though you were just talking to your golf buddies. It did give me a little insight into what goes on at Men's Day at the club. I think you did a wonderful job for this lady. It seemed to be a real self-esteem booster. Now I'm thinking I need to see my dentist.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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I love the down-to-earth way you told this story. It sounded as though you were just talking to your golf buddies. It did give me a little insight into what goes on at Men's Day at the club. I think you did a wonderful job for this lady. It seemed to be a real self-esteem booster. Now I'm thinking I need to see my dentist.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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Dear Beth, thank you for a wonderful review. Tell your dentist to send me a thank you card for the referral. lol
Comment from Aislinge
What a neat story! Love the 'good ole boy' tone of this piece; it was almost like a character in and of itself.
SPAGs:
wednesday should be capitalized
Now pecking order doesn't... --comma after 'Now'
sucess = success
...be do on the tee... --'do' should be 'due'
... the reigns and then... --'reigns' (to rule) should be 'reins' (part of a bridle to control a horse) Also, there are further appearances of 'reigns' that should be changed to 'reins'
...these pass the reigns on episodes. --'pass-the-reins-on', the hyphens turn the four separate words into a 'single' word adjective
Now it ws about the time, Janie our young-old lady had... --ws ='was'; move the comma after 'Janie', and add a comma after 'lady'
...or prioritize this to the for. --?? this sentence is missing something, I think
...are all at the bottom. --question mark instead of period because the sentence is a question
...the picture. and I... --capital And since it is the beginning of a sentence
This was a heartwarming story. The ending really leaves the reader with one of those 'ahhh' feelings, the one that you feel when there's a really good happy ending.
Thanks for a great read!
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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What a neat story! Love the 'good ole boy' tone of this piece; it was almost like a character in and of itself.
SPAGs:
wednesday should be capitalized
Now pecking order doesn't... --comma after 'Now'
sucess = success
...be do on the tee... --'do' should be 'due'
... the reigns and then... --'reigns' (to rule) should be 'reins' (part of a bridle to control a horse) Also, there are further appearances of 'reigns' that should be changed to 'reins'
...these pass the reigns on episodes. --'pass-the-reins-on', the hyphens turn the four separate words into a 'single' word adjective
Now it ws about the time, Janie our young-old lady had... --ws ='was'; move the comma after 'Janie', and add a comma after 'lady'
...or prioritize this to the for. --?? this sentence is missing something, I think
...are all at the bottom. --question mark instead of period because the sentence is a question
...the picture. and I... --capital And since it is the beginning of a sentence
This was a heartwarming story. The ending really leaves the reader with one of those 'ahhh' feelings, the one that you feel when there's a really good happy ending.
Thanks for a great read!
Comment Written 02-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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Thank you so much. Yes, I apologize for all the spags. I was soo tired.
Comment from Alison Williams
I really enjoyed this, what a wonderful things to do, and to take the time to notice a person who so few notice, do something for someone who will really appreciate it. It is a life changing thing you did.
I have to admit, I was a quite horrified at the attitude of the golf buddies to the woman, and blase way they all seemed so accepting of mistresses. Also at the way it seemed quite acceptable to pass someone around. I thought that only happened in movies! (Naive me, lol)
Thanks for sharing a well written narrative. I was caught up in it.
I didn't spot any major SPAGs, except that maybe on a visual scale, in terms of adding more 'white space'. Separate some of the longer paragraphs so its a bit easier to read, I found my eyes got a bit lost in the big block of text, particularly when you used some of the professional terminology (Mainly the second last paragraph)
Cheers, Alison
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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I really enjoyed this, what a wonderful things to do, and to take the time to notice a person who so few notice, do something for someone who will really appreciate it. It is a life changing thing you did.
I have to admit, I was a quite horrified at the attitude of the golf buddies to the woman, and blase way they all seemed so accepting of mistresses. Also at the way it seemed quite acceptable to pass someone around. I thought that only happened in movies! (Naive me, lol)
Thanks for sharing a well written narrative. I was caught up in it.
I didn't spot any major SPAGs, except that maybe on a visual scale, in terms of adding more 'white space'. Separate some of the longer paragraphs so its a bit easier to read, I found my eyes got a bit lost in the big block of text, particularly when you used some of the professional terminology (Mainly the second last paragraph)
Cheers, Alison
Comment Written 02-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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A very nice review Alison. Yes, I worried a bit the attitudes displayed in the story may reflect back on me. But u know of course they are simply what I encountered. Thanks again.
victortouche
Comment from sweetwoodjax
i like your story--you showed the emotions of a woman that a lot of people wouldn't even bother to notice--i wish you
luck with future writings you have on this website
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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i like your story--you showed the emotions of a woman that a lot of people wouldn't even bother to notice--i wish you
luck with future writings you have on this website
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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Nice of u to read the whole thing. Thank u for ur comments.
