Trailer Trash
a non-fiction experience35 total reviews
Comment from WRITER1
A truly remarkable story. This was well done and it gives hope that human beings can be better than what they were and are. I enjoyed this story.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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A truly remarkable story. This was well done and it gives hope that human beings can be better than what they were and are. I enjoyed this story.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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I sincerely thank U Ms. Writer. As U can see, I hold this experience close to my heart.
Comment from FredCollingwood
Whoo-Boy! This one is really ragged. It's a great story and I love your writing style, but it's full of errors. Here are a few from the first half alone. I feel badly, but it needs no much work, it needs more than simple adjustments.
Now (w)ednesdays are "Men's" day. > upper case
Now the other part of the club is, never, (never, under no circumstances) talk about any sexual (liasons) discussed, seen, or otherwise. > "never under no circumstances = double negative. > liaisons
Financial sucess? > success
Yea, he'd be (do) on the tee() and the boys would holler up, > due >> add comma before a coordinating conjunction joining independent clauses.
You have to have earned it, not (inhererited). > inherited
We played at an away location()(Wednesday, naturally). And the whole day, this gentleman()(we'll call him Ted) had been over exuberant about us meeting his mistress(we'll call her Janie). > add spaces. You need spaces in several other areas, throughout.
A little light went off behind his eyes(,) that's a good idea > comma splice error. Need a semi-colon or period. not a comma
it is unlikely they would realize or prioritize this to the for. > needs re-writing
Have you ever noticed the nicest people in the world are all at the bottom(.) Question mark. Not period.
So Ted pays me (regurlarly) and without hesitation. > regularly
(w)ell after ()8,ooo, I was pretty sure although Ted may not tell me to stop(), he wasn't figuring to be in on this kind of ride. Three errors in this sentence alone 1) Upper case, 2) needs dollar sign, 3) another comma splice error. Needs a coordinating conjunction, semi-colon or period.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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Whoo-Boy! This one is really ragged. It's a great story and I love your writing style, but it's full of errors. Here are a few from the first half alone. I feel badly, but it needs no much work, it needs more than simple adjustments.
Now (w)ednesdays are "Men's" day. > upper case
Now the other part of the club is, never, (never, under no circumstances) talk about any sexual (liasons) discussed, seen, or otherwise. > "never under no circumstances = double negative. > liaisons
Financial sucess? > success
Yea, he'd be (do) on the tee() and the boys would holler up, > due >> add comma before a coordinating conjunction joining independent clauses.
You have to have earned it, not (inhererited). > inherited
We played at an away location()(Wednesday, naturally). And the whole day, this gentleman()(we'll call him Ted) had been over exuberant about us meeting his mistress(we'll call her Janie). > add spaces. You need spaces in several other areas, throughout.
A little light went off behind his eyes(,) that's a good idea > comma splice error. Need a semi-colon or period. not a comma
it is unlikely they would realize or prioritize this to the for. > needs re-writing
Have you ever noticed the nicest people in the world are all at the bottom(.) Question mark. Not period.
So Ted pays me (regurlarly) and without hesitation. > regularly
(w)ell after ()8,ooo, I was pretty sure although Ted may not tell me to stop(), he wasn't figuring to be in on this kind of ride. Three errors in this sentence alone 1) Upper case, 2) needs dollar sign, 3) another comma splice error. Needs a coordinating conjunction, semi-colon or period.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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Yes Fred, U are quite right with your corrections. But it was late. From now on I will proof when fresh and before posting. I thought that spags were a minor issue. But now that I think about it, I am writing at or on a professional site. such standards should be observed.
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Your writing style is unique and fun. Correct the nits and let me know when you're done. I'll be happy to re-review and change the rating. It deserves a good score.
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Jesus Christ Fred, how do U put up with me? Don't tell me it should be a semi-colon after Fred? Thank U very much for ur time on this. After correcting the errors, I was a little embarassed. See if I made any more, will you?
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Now five-stars. It really is a great story.
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Thank you, Fred.
Comment from mshugh
Great job
You had me captivated along the way
Change reigns to reins - other than that there was noting glaring
Prefect pace - I most likely know some of those characters from my golf club (laugh)
Well done
Michael
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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Great job
You had me captivated along the way
Change reigns to reins - other than that there was noting glaring
Prefect pace - I most likely know some of those characters from my golf club (laugh)
Well done
Michael
Comment Written 02-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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Thank you so much. i'm sure U do recognize some of the characters.
Comment from jayesnb
Hey, hey, you know men never really grow up... didnt understand why you used (Hey) twice.
Still, length of time cannot be discarded or (ameliorated)
,... this is just a suggestion but since i had no idea what ameliorated meant I had to luck it up before moving on which took me out of the story...simply saying improved might work better for the average reader.
Yea, he'd be do on the tee and the boys would holler up,.. dont think this came out how you meant it to be.
Now it (ws) about the time,...was
I wanted to give her something that would change her life(.) and that she just never would have been able to do... no period here.
This was an excellent thing that you did for this woman. You should feel very proud. There are a few mistakes. And the first half was hard to read. Maybe more spacing would help.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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Hey, hey, you know men never really grow up... didnt understand why you used (Hey) twice.
Still, length of time cannot be discarded or (ameliorated)
,... this is just a suggestion but since i had no idea what ameliorated meant I had to luck it up before moving on which took me out of the story...simply saying improved might work better for the average reader.
Yea, he'd be do on the tee and the boys would holler up,.. dont think this came out how you meant it to be.
Now it (ws) about the time,...was
I wanted to give her something that would change her life(.) and that she just never would have been able to do... no period here.
This was an excellent thing that you did for this woman. You should feel very proud. There are a few mistakes. And the first half was hard to read. Maybe more spacing would help.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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Thank you much. I really do need to pay more attention to formatting and font.(since now, I don't at all)lol. As for the "hey, hey", if I make it just one "hey", that would not infer chuckling. As "Fat Albert" says, "Hey, Hey, Hey".
Comment from Sandollar
What a great story. I think you did yourself proud. You've given that woman a new life. It's like giving her a clean slate all over again. That was a selfless and wonderful thing you did.
Your story was interesting and I was interested in it through to the end. There were a couple of tiny errors. nothing at all serious or glaring. Thanks for writing this.
ws=was
Turns out we hadn't seen the end of these pass the reigns on episodes. reigns = reins. this reign means rules.
Sandollar
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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What a great story. I think you did yourself proud. You've given that woman a new life. It's like giving her a clean slate all over again. That was a selfless and wonderful thing you did.
Your story was interesting and I was interested in it through to the end. There were a couple of tiny errors. nothing at all serious or glaring. Thanks for writing this.
ws=was
Turns out we hadn't seen the end of these pass the reigns on episodes. reigns = reins. this reign means rules.
Sandollar
Comment Written 02-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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Thank you so much. Yes, there are spags(I believe U say). I will never finish at three AM again.
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Been there. Done that. Good luck.
Comment from ZigzagMLT
I like the premise. Only thing is that the first part is very tough reading. The style, the ... I'm not sure how to describe it.
This is some of what I found while reading...
Take another look at your opening sentence... is it complete?
Some words need to be capitalized... Wednesday.
boy's club or boys' club
I think that near the end you started to feel more certain. Perhaps you've laid it on too thick in the beginning. Own it. It's part of you. Try writing it with the same voice as the last parts.
A beautiful tale in the end. Well worth telling. Good luck with it.
Zigzagmlt
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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I like the premise. Only thing is that the first part is very tough reading. The style, the ... I'm not sure how to describe it.
This is some of what I found while reading...
Take another look at your opening sentence... is it complete?
Some words need to be capitalized... Wednesday.
boy's club or boys' club
I think that near the end you started to feel more certain. Perhaps you've laid it on too thick in the beginning. Own it. It's part of you. Try writing it with the same voice as the last parts.
A beautiful tale in the end. Well worth telling. Good luck with it.
Zigzagmlt
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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Thank you. Yes I could tolerate criticism on the first sentence. Very astute of U. I also noticed this, but decided to leave it. U caught me.
Comment from Begin Again
Victor
The idea of your story is exceptional..the good ole boys at the country club and giving the woman respect and self esteem...great. I do think though that you should set the dialogue apart...Each time a different character speaks it should be in it's own paragraph ...not all grouped together...
You jyst need some adjustments....
Carol
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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Victor
The idea of your story is exceptional..the good ole boys at the country club and giving the woman respect and self esteem...great. I do think though that you should set the dialogue apart...Each time a different character speaks it should be in it's own paragraph ...not all grouped together...
You jyst need some adjustments....
Carol
Comment Written 02-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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Thank you Carol. Perhaps I am ignorant of the new character speaking=new paragraph. Is this a hard and fast rule? Even with only one word spoken?
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Yes...Each new dialogue should have it's separate paragraph..Hope that helped. Carol
Comment from lola29
Well, i thought to myself walking down (;) it doensn't get much better than this--middle of the week
spell out seventy-five degrees
four of my golfing buddies
I've gotten to know people very well in this small-town atmosphere
(W)ednesday's
Also, to play golf,
Hey! We're at a country club
Swagger is directly related to three things:
they know they can trust you, and you are brought into
I liked your remembrance of the good ole days. It was a very amusing read. I noticed some things you might want to consider:
No, I mean
Favors here, favors everywhere ...
Who do you want, Johnny? delete etc.
nerer under any circumstances
Never talk about sexual liasons if you want to hear about
can't play under prssure of for money.
or ameliorated; it's there
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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Well, i thought to myself walking down (;) it doensn't get much better than this--middle of the week
spell out seventy-five degrees
four of my golfing buddies
I've gotten to know people very well in this small-town atmosphere
(W)ednesday's
Also, to play golf,
Hey! We're at a country club
Swagger is directly related to three things:
they know they can trust you, and you are brought into
I liked your remembrance of the good ole days. It was a very amusing read. I noticed some things you might want to consider:
No, I mean
Favors here, favors everywhere ...
Who do you want, Johnny? delete etc.
nerer under any circumstances
Never talk about sexual liasons if you want to hear about
can't play under prssure of for money.
or ameliorated; it's there
Comment Written 02-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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Lola, thank you for reading. Sigh, I knew there would be a lot of the spags. I couldn't hardly focus when I had finished. But hey, U didn't tell me if U liked it? Thank you for the rating by the way.
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I liked it. You have a very special talent that enables you to amuse your audience. Keep writing!
Comment from mbroyles2
I thought this was a good story.
The scene is set right.
The inner thoughts are well described, and relaxing.
There seemed to be quite a bit of passive statements in the story and very little action. There are times when I thought the POV was rambling.
The tie in with the Lady was nice, though, and all and all I enjoyed reading it.
Thanks for posting it.
Michael
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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I thought this was a good story.
The scene is set right.
The inner thoughts are well described, and relaxing.
There seemed to be quite a bit of passive statements in the story and very little action. There are times when I thought the POV was rambling.
The tie in with the Lady was nice, though, and all and all I enjoyed reading it.
Thanks for posting it.
Michael
Comment Written 02-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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Thank U sir.
Comment from wheelswrites
I like the way you write. This is expository and I can see it expanded into more dialogue and action. From my lowly perspective, I see this a the beginning with lot more to come.
As the wife of a Dentist, and manager of the office, I see a lot of appointments to make this mouth beautiful and I've seen so many mouths that looked like this. Hope this is fact not fiction.
Sally
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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I like the way you write. This is expository and I can see it expanded into more dialogue and action. From my lowly perspective, I see this a the beginning with lot more to come.
As the wife of a Dentist, and manager of the office, I see a lot of appointments to make this mouth beautiful and I've seen so many mouths that looked like this. Hope this is fact not fiction.
Sally
Comment Written 02-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your kind review, Sally. Yes this is a true story. And yes, it took a lot of work to get her done. I had to work 3 or 4 (all day) of my precious Wednesdays on her as well! lol
