Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Chapter 6; part 2"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
45 total reviews
Comment from Summer Falls
Whoa! That little vixen doesn't realize the havoc she is playing in Steven's mind ... and pants. She is sweet and innocent, yet a drug lord princess. She is tough yet tender. What a contridiction she is. No wonder Steven is in a tizzy. Great convo between the two. At least they came to an understanding and her trust in him isn't ruined.
Loved it so much, I am reading on.
Summer
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2010
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Whoa! That little vixen doesn't realize the havoc she is playing in Steven's mind ... and pants. She is sweet and innocent, yet a drug lord princess. She is tough yet tender. What a contridiction she is. No wonder Steven is in a tizzy. Great convo between the two. At least they came to an understanding and her trust in him isn't ruined.
Loved it so much, I am reading on.
Summer
Comment Written 27-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2010
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Thank you for stopping by. I hope it's longer than a drive by.
Comment from Nicnac
Oooh... I liked this chapter very much. It's nice to see Steven and Leya being honest with each other and having a 'normal' conversation. :) I'm amazed that Leya is really innocent. I thought it was all an act to intrigue Steven. haha. Getting to know her better makes me like her better.
Of course - you already know I like Steven better. haha Yummy.
Nice chapter, Barbara. Great flow, conversation and revelation of Leya's true personality.
No suggestions.
Nic
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Oooh... I liked this chapter very much. It's nice to see Steven and Leya being honest with each other and having a 'normal' conversation. :) I'm amazed that Leya is really innocent. I thought it was all an act to intrigue Steven. haha. Getting to know her better makes me like her better.
Of course - you already know I like Steven better. haha Yummy.
Nice chapter, Barbara. Great flow, conversation and revelation of Leya's true personality.
No suggestions.
Nic
Comment Written 04-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review. I have missed you..
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I've missed you too!
(and Steven)
Comment from Queenise
Barbara,friend I enjoyed this chapter and it delved a little deeper into Leya which I think is good. Like the chemistry that is between the two and look forward to see where this goes. Good flow and pace. Blessings and Happy New Year. Queenise
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2009
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Barbara,friend I enjoyed this chapter and it delved a little deeper into Leya which I think is good. Like the chemistry that is between the two and look forward to see where this goes. Good flow and pace. Blessings and Happy New Year. Queenise
Comment Written 30-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2009
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Happy New Year to you. I am so glad to have your support.
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Thanks. Glad to have yours also. Queenise
Comment from Mengleoh67
Oh another excellent chapter!! Exceptional character interaction and dialogue, fabulous pace to the storyline. Everything is just coming together perfectly.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
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Oh another excellent chapter!! Exceptional character interaction and dialogue, fabulous pace to the storyline. Everything is just coming together perfectly.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
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Thank you again for the review and continued support.
Comment from Gold Standard
A very sensual chapter about lust and chastity. But what will Derek and Jim think happened in Steven's office, having seen Leya run out holding her top up and Steven chasing her and bringing her back? Will that question be answered in the next chapter? From what I've read so far this must be an excellent book.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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A very sensual chapter about lust and chastity. But what will Derek and Jim think happened in Steven's office, having seen Leya run out holding her top up and Steven chasing her and bringing her back? Will that question be answered in the next chapter? From what I've read so far this must be an excellent book.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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Thank you and the answer will happen down the road. Thank you for reading and your kind words.
Comment from Brindle.T
Hello !!!
A spag flawless chapter strong in dialogue that moved the story along well.
I enjoyed his initial opening thoughts; there can't be a man who dosnt think such things in the company of an attractive woman, if he tells you he dosnt, he's probably lying....Nicely done, a female author conveying the one track thoughts of a man, and written well...
Noew then, heres my picky overcritical analysis, submitted only as food for thought...
In my view, whilst this chapter is centred only on the two charecters and while the dialogue is flowing and well written, there is not enough narration. You could start to introduce some stronger more emotive visual narration which will lend the piece to a more multi dimensional structure and avoid the whole from becoming a little, flat...Take another look at one of my adventure pieces...Of course I'm not saying write like that, lol, but look at how the narration interacts with and relates to the dialogue, you'll find swathes of narration and visual structure, and in this chapter in particular, apart from his initial thought processes (which I am still smiling about) there is very little.
I know some people say, less is more, and leave the reader to picture the scene for themselves, and to a degree I agree, but on another level, I could hardly disagree more; narration helps us convey the reader on the journey and compliments fine dialogue.
So, what am I saying? I've found another singular writing style in this piece...too much dialogue....But I do concede that this is a harsh critique given that the piece is centred on just two charecters, but I read the following and subsequent chapter first, and its something I wanted to point out in that critique but couldnt quite pout my finger on it
One more thing...This verges on the oxymoron and thus gave me a little pause, "almost lost complete control"...Or is it? Oh I dunno!...lol...Nothing quite like receiving a review from someone who doesnt know quite what they are babbling on about, aye?!!!
Tony
xxx
Tony
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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Hello !!!
A spag flawless chapter strong in dialogue that moved the story along well.
I enjoyed his initial opening thoughts; there can't be a man who dosnt think such things in the company of an attractive woman, if he tells you he dosnt, he's probably lying....Nicely done, a female author conveying the one track thoughts of a man, and written well...
Noew then, heres my picky overcritical analysis, submitted only as food for thought...
In my view, whilst this chapter is centred only on the two charecters and while the dialogue is flowing and well written, there is not enough narration. You could start to introduce some stronger more emotive visual narration which will lend the piece to a more multi dimensional structure and avoid the whole from becoming a little, flat...Take another look at one of my adventure pieces...Of course I'm not saying write like that, lol, but look at how the narration interacts with and relates to the dialogue, you'll find swathes of narration and visual structure, and in this chapter in particular, apart from his initial thought processes (which I am still smiling about) there is very little.
I know some people say, less is more, and leave the reader to picture the scene for themselves, and to a degree I agree, but on another level, I could hardly disagree more; narration helps us convey the reader on the journey and compliments fine dialogue.
So, what am I saying? I've found another singular writing style in this piece...too much dialogue....But I do concede that this is a harsh critique given that the piece is centred on just two charecters, but I read the following and subsequent chapter first, and its something I wanted to point out in that critique but couldnt quite pout my finger on it
One more thing...This verges on the oxymoron and thus gave me a little pause, "almost lost complete control"...Or is it? Oh I dunno!...lol...Nothing quite like receiving a review from someone who doesnt know quite what they are babbling on about, aye?!!!
Tony
xxx
Tony
Comment Written 23-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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If I don't write dialogue. I get in trouble of telling not showing. I am not sure how to handle it.
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Noooo, ya' miss me point...
Your dialogue is just fine, don't change it, don't diminish or lesten it....Just put some meat on its bones...Balance, tis all about balance....Take a look at a few of mine again...for thoughts and POV take a look at Perfect Patsy...For narration, take a look at The Last Housecarl, or The Legend of Bleeding Heart Yard...Without meaning to espouse them as outstanding examples of prose I think you might lift a few of the structural tools employed...Let me know what you think.
Tony
xxx
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Noooo, ya' miss me point...
Your dialogue is just fine, don't change it, don't diminish or lesten it....Just put some meat on its bones...Balance, tis all about balance....Take a look at a few of mine again...for thoughts and POV take a look at Perfect Patsy...For narration, take a look at The Last Housecarl, or The Legend of Bleeding Heart Yard...Without meaning to espouse them as outstanding examples of prose I think you might lift a few of the structural tools employed...Let me know what you think.
Tony
xxx
Comment from Rama Rao
I read part 3 earlier. So I'm reading backwards. I fail to understand why the two featured chapters were not put in the correct order to enable readers to read them in the correct order. This part is as good as part 3.
I always found that lady writers write better sex scenes than men. This is to be taken as a compliment and not with any gender bias.
I enjoyed reading the chapter which held my attention throughout.
Good luck to u with ur novel.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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I read part 3 earlier. So I'm reading backwards. I fail to understand why the two featured chapters were not put in the correct order to enable readers to read them in the correct order. This part is as good as part 3.
I always found that lady writers write better sex scenes than men. This is to be taken as a compliment and not with any gender bias.
I enjoyed reading the chapter which held my attention throughout.
Good luck to u with ur novel.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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They are not in order because I posted part 2 first, and a few days later posted part 3. Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from Kellytr
Barbara, Another great chapter with exciting interaction between Leya and Steven. Seems like Steven is going to have to take a few very cold showers before this ordeal is over. I enjoyed it very much. Kelly
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2009
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Barbara, Another great chapter with exciting interaction between Leya and Steven. Seems like Steven is going to have to take a few very cold showers before this ordeal is over. I enjoyed it very much. Kelly
Comment Written 22-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2009
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I think he lives in the shower. He's growing gills. Thank you for the review.
Comment from Joan E.
Leya always seems so seductive; this chapter put her actions into better perspective for me, and hopefully Steven! I thought your use of italics for inner feelings was effective. Best wishes about writing more while on your break.
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2009
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Leya always seems so seductive; this chapter put her actions into better perspective for me, and hopefully Steven! I thought your use of italics for inner feelings was effective. Best wishes about writing more while on your break.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from ladybird
A good chapter showing the sexual chemistry between the two characters.I can't quite figure Leya's game yet. Sometimes she comes across as all innocent, others, as a right tease. She is either very naive,and I know the reader has only just discovered she is a virgin in this chapter, but virgin or not, she must have an inkling of how Steven views her, and what effect her skimpy dress has on him. Or she is playing a very good hand at deception. And sorry, but I still don't like Leya much and can't get connected to the character - she seems too have two sides to her. But that's probably me, and does not detract from the enjoyment of reading your story.
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2009
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A good chapter showing the sexual chemistry between the two characters.I can't quite figure Leya's game yet. Sometimes she comes across as all innocent, others, as a right tease. She is either very naive,and I know the reader has only just discovered she is a virgin in this chapter, but virgin or not, she must have an inkling of how Steven views her, and what effect her skimpy dress has on him. Or she is playing a very good hand at deception. And sorry, but I still don't like Leya much and can't get connected to the character - she seems too have two sides to her. But that's probably me, and does not detract from the enjoyment of reading your story.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate the continued support.
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You're welcome, I'm enjoying the read.
