Sunburst
lyrical story-poem about a much loved horse19 total reviews
Comment from sgalletti
What a beautiful poem about Sunburst Whiz! Your descriptions of him bring back childhood memories. I loved horses and used to do a lot of riding way back then. You bring this beautiful stallion to life in your words. Best of luck in the contest. Sue
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2009
  |
What a beautiful poem about Sunburst Whiz! Your descriptions of him bring back childhood memories. I loved horses and used to do a lot of riding way back then. You bring this beautiful stallion to life in your words. Best of luck in the contest. Sue
Comment Written 14-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2009
-
Hello Sue,
Good to hear from you. Hope you had a good trip. Thanks for kindly reviewing my Sunburst poem. I appreciate your remarks. It was interesting to hear that you love horses and used to do a lot of riding. Me too. I grew up on a ranch and rode almost daily. It is a lot of fun to have so much in common with you. Love, Whizpurr ^-^
Comment from lola29
Wow! Your poem is simply amazing. You far excelled the guidelines for this contest, and your love for this wonderful horse radiates off the page. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
|
Wow! Your poem is simply amazing. You far excelled the guidelines for this contest, and your love for this wonderful horse radiates off the page. Best wishes.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
-
Thank you, Lola. I always appreciate your wonderful reviews. They leave me with such a great feeling. I am glad you enjoyed this horse poem. Sunburst was quite the horse. The grown men who handled him were actually afraid of him but once I won his confidence he was very gentle with me. It was fun to search through my 'memory files' and to be reminded of this beautiful friend. Hugs, Whizpurr ^-^
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Aggie. I like your horse poem and wish you the best of luck in the contest. I do think your meter is way off in some places, particularly where you have used long lines.as in the example below:
"Romping zealously with zest." Change this to "Romping with zeal and zest."
Good writing overall...Bob
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
|
Hi, Aggie. I like your horse poem and wish you the best of luck in the contest. I do think your meter is way off in some places, particularly where you have used long lines.as in the example below:
"Romping zealously with zest." Change this to "Romping with zeal and zest."
Good writing overall...Bob
Comment Written 13-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
-
Hi there Bob,
Many thanks for reading my poem and for wishing me good luck. Your very helpful specific suggestion was appreciated. Though I did not use the exact words you suggested, I did change that particular sentence as its meter was definitely off. I feel the sentence works better now. I went back and checked the entire poem again, and, as far as I could tell, it has consistent iambic tetrameter count throughout, so I am not sure which places you meant when you said 'the meter is way off in some places'? I would really appreciate it if you would please point these places out to me so I can correct them. It was a fun poem to write (though somewhat longggggggggggggg!) I have been enjoying digging deep into childhood memories lately and have written more poems than ususal since we are in a dreadfully cold snap of weather here (25' below again this morning) and I've been staying inside a lot! Hope you are having a beautiful day. Your reviews are valuable to me. I need all the help I can get! ;-) Cheers, Aggie ^-^
-
Yeah, I guess I may have beenwrong on the Pentameeter thing...I just thought a lot of the lines were very long compared to others, I guess...I have given you another star...Relax in the warmth ...LOL...Okay? Bob
Comment from misscookie
I wanted to enter thiscontest but words wouldn't come
You said it all in a nutshell
I love the way the poem gallopped with the movement of the horse in the picture.
Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
 |
I wanted to enter thiscontest but words wouldn't come
You said it all in a nutshell
I love the way the poem gallopped with the movement of the horse in the picture.
Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 13-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
-
Hello Misscookie,
Your lovely review with all those beautiful shining stars was very precious to me. Thank you. I was glad you enjoyed this poem about one of the horses I loved long ago. Hugs, Whizpurr ^-^
-
your welcome
-
your welcome
Comment from peggysis64
Love this little story of child and horse, the connection that they share and the memories that survive. No corrections needed. nice job.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
|
Love this little story of child and horse, the connection that they share and the memories that survive. No corrections needed. nice job.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
-
Hello peggy,
I was thrilled that you enjoyed this story poem about a horse I loved long ago. Many thanks fo the wonderful review. I'm glad you felt the connection.
Hugs, Whizpurr ^-^
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is so great and you did a great job picking the picture to go with it--i wish you luck in the contest and best of luck with future endeavors you might choose
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
|
this is so great and you did a great job picking the picture to go with it--i wish you luck in the contest and best of luck with future endeavors you might choose
Comment Written 13-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
-
Hello sweetwoodjax,
You lovely review is much appreciated. I am glad you enjoyed this story poem about a horse I loved long ago. The horse in the picture actually looks very similar to the ways Sunburst looked. Many thanks for your kind words.
Cheers, Whizpurr ^-^
Comment from jayhawk67
Very touching poem about a child's friendship with an animal. The rhyme scheme and rhythm are impeccable.
Real good work.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
|
Very touching poem about a child's friendship with an animal. The rhyme scheme and rhythm are impeccable.
Real good work.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
-
Hello jayhawk,
Thanks for the great compliments. I am glad you enjoyed this true poem about a horse I loved long ago. Many thanks, Whizpurr ^-^
Comment from jayhawk67
Very touching poem about a child's friendship with an animal. The rhyme scheme and rhythm are impeccable.
Real good work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
|
Very touching poem about a child's friendship with an animal. The rhyme scheme and rhythm are impeccable.
Real good work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
-
My heartfelt thanks for your encouraging review. Cheers, Whizpurr ^-^
Comment from Rama Rao
I enjoyed reading it and felt the bond between the boy and the horse.
I liked the lines.
If there's a place where stallions stay,
A happy horse heav'n up above,
I'm sure sweet Sunburst's there today.
A small suggestion.
Stanza 1 last line- His coat of gold was special brand.
Stanza 3 last line- seemed full of zeal and zest.
Stanza 14 last line-For that was part of my game.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
|
I enjoyed reading it and felt the bond between the boy and the horse.
I liked the lines.
If there's a place where stallions stay,
A happy horse heav'n up above,
I'm sure sweet Sunburst's there today.
A small suggestion.
Stanza 1 last line- His coat of gold was special brand.
Stanza 3 last line- seemed full of zeal and zest.
Stanza 14 last line-For that was part of my game.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
-
Hi Ramarao,
Thank you very much for kindly reading through my rather lengthy poem and for offering me encouragement and some very helpful suggestions. I re-visited the suggested lines and made some changes and feel that the poem is in better shape now.
Your help is much appreciated. Thank you. Cheers, Whizpurr ^-^
