Sunburst
lyrical story-poem about a much loved horse19 total reviews
Comment from second thought
this is great for the mind and heart. cleaver and easy to remember. that is something most work of art don't have. it's not only easy to remember it makes you want to be part of it. well done.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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this is great for the mind and heart. cleaver and easy to remember. that is something most work of art don't have. it's not only easy to remember it makes you want to be part of it. well done.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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Thanks, second thought, I appreciate your thoughtful review on my true story poem. The horse in the picture looks very much like Sunburst did. Cheers, Whizpurr ^-^
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well done and a blessed new year to you and yours.
Comment from missy98writer
Your poem "Sunburst" for the contest to write a poem about a horse is well written with perfect rhyme and descriptive scheme. I liked the lines:
'He wanted out to storm about.
He wished to lead his lively herd,
To be their king, establish clout,
But by a fence, he was deterred.'
And the line:
'Instead of cold, defiant stare,
His eyes now shone with deep respect.
There was no longer sultry glare
Or trace of anger to detect."
A well crafted poem about a horse and a great entry.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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Your poem "Sunburst" for the contest to write a poem about a horse is well written with perfect rhyme and descriptive scheme. I liked the lines:
'He wanted out to storm about.
He wished to lead his lively herd,
To be their king, establish clout,
But by a fence, he was deterred.'
And the line:
'Instead of cold, defiant stare,
His eyes now shone with deep respect.
There was no longer sultry glare
Or trace of anger to detect."
A well crafted poem about a horse and a great entry.
Melissa.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2009
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Thanks for a great review, Missy, and for letting me know your favorite stanzas. Cheers, Whizpurr ^-^
Comment from Sally Carter
What a great poem Whizz. Terrific rhyme and meter, and this felt like a real story. I could see that horse before my eyes, even without the artwork. Is it true? If it is not, then that is even more of a tribute to your writing skill.
If I were to make one tiny suggestion, it is the first line of the last stanza, where the stress seems to fall rather unnaturally on "alWAYS". I wondered if you that thought of simply saying "He'll ALways...."?
With or without change, this is a great entry. So far I have only read a couple, but I reckon this will take some beating.
Sally
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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What a great poem Whizz. Terrific rhyme and meter, and this felt like a real story. I could see that horse before my eyes, even without the artwork. Is it true? If it is not, then that is even more of a tribute to your writing skill.
If I were to make one tiny suggestion, it is the first line of the last stanza, where the stress seems to fall rather unnaturally on "alWAYS". I wondered if you that thought of simply saying "He'll ALways...."?
With or without change, this is a great entry. So far I have only read a couple, but I reckon this will take some beating.
Sally
Comment Written 21-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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Hi Sally,
Thank you for the grand review. Yes, you are absolutely right. Thanks for bringing my boo boo to my attention. The line now sounds much better using "he'll always" instead of "always he'll". Your wonderful remarks and help are much appreciated. Yes, the story is true. Hugs, Whizpurr ^-^
Comment from Joan E.
"Sunburst" is such an enchanting name and your presentation was so striking, I had to read your poem. I was not disappointed with your lovely story with its satisfying ending. I enjoyed all of your rhymes in this true ode. I especially liked your use of alliteration and your "western gale" simile and "prairie wool" metaphor. Continued sweet dreams and best wishes in the contest with this wonderful story.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
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"Sunburst" is such an enchanting name and your presentation was so striking, I had to read your poem. I was not disappointed with your lovely story with its satisfying ending. I enjoyed all of your rhymes in this true ode. I especially liked your use of alliteration and your "western gale" simile and "prairie wool" metaphor. Continued sweet dreams and best wishes in the contest with this wonderful story.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
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Hi Joan E,
Your words of encouragement mean a lot to me. Thank you. I was particularly glad you enjoyed this sharing from my childhood memories. So happy you liked my metaphors. The ranch on which I grew up on is one of the few places in Canada where natural prairie wool still grows in abundance. Hope you have a wonderful new year. Hugs, Whizpurr ^-^
Comment from MizKat
whizpurr ^-^ - I love your poem. The story you told through it's words is great. The rhyme and flow of it is wonderful. The best to you in the contest, friend. Kat
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
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whizpurr ^-^ - I love your poem. The story you told through it's words is great. The rhyme and flow of it is wonderful. The best to you in the contest, friend. Kat
Comment Written 21-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
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Hello MizKat,
My apologies for getting my thanks sent to you so late. I appreciated your review and was so glad you loved my horse poem.
I hope you have a great 2010. Hugs and purrs, your friend, Whizpurr ^-^
Comment from skye
Wow. What a great poem, a powerful story, and terrific ending. I love the rhymes, the images within the lines, the getting to know both horse and child.
Very very well done, with nothing to suggest to improve, as it is perfect.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
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Wow. What a great poem, a powerful story, and terrific ending. I love the rhymes, the images within the lines, the getting to know both horse and child.
Very very well done, with nothing to suggest to improve, as it is perfect.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
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Hello skye,
Many thanks for your wonderful review. My apologies for such a late reply. I truly appreciated your encouraging remarks and was thrilled that you liked my horse poem and particularly enjoyed its happy ending. Hugs and best wishes for a great 2010, Whizpurr ^-^
Comment from Realist101
HI there, this is neat, very much could be a short story too. I like the part where you leave this horse fresh grass, I too did this as a child...and I would sneak carrots from the fridge too, and Mom would be mad, she said "let the people who own that horse, feed it!" But I still did it...lol...nice poem, and good luck !! Susan
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
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HI there, this is neat, very much could be a short story too. I like the part where you leave this horse fresh grass, I too did this as a child...and I would sneak carrots from the fridge too, and Mom would be mad, she said "let the people who own that horse, feed it!" But I still did it...lol...nice poem, and good luck !! Susan
Comment Written 21-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
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Hi Susan,
Apologies for such a late reply to your much appreciated review. Thank you for your kind words about my horse poem. I was glad for what you shared about your childhood experience of feeding a horse some grass and carrots too! I am pleased that my poem sparked these pleasant memories. :-) Hugs and best wishes for a wonderful 2010! Whizpurr ^-^
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Hi MIss WHiz!! You are welcome, keep up the good work!! Smiles, Susan
Comment from ZeBestBlonde1
Hello to you,
Excellent title to your horse poem-LOVE IT! Strong name for a horse to write about. I never rate a person's work on the pic-it's nice, but I rate for your created poem only.
I enjoyed reading the story of Sunburst from the 1st to last line. Great story-lots of strong descriptions painting a picture of the horse and young boy.
And you ended it in a strong and reminiscent way-GREAT job!
Best of luck to you in the contest, truly!
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2009
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Hello to you,
Excellent title to your horse poem-LOVE IT! Strong name for a horse to write about. I never rate a person's work on the pic-it's nice, but I rate for your created poem only.
I enjoyed reading the story of Sunburst from the 1st to last line. Great story-lots of strong descriptions painting a picture of the horse and young boy.
And you ended it in a strong and reminiscent way-GREAT job!
Best of luck to you in the contest, truly!
Comment Written 20-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2009
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Hi Blonde friend,
Thanks for a wonderful review. I smiled when I read that you thought the poem was about a horse and a boy. Nope. It's about me and I was a little cowgirl way back then! ;-) Sunburst was a marvelous horse... but he had to be penned away from the other horses for they didn't want all the mares having colts as most of them were stock mares! Your kind review was much appreciated. So glad you enjoyed this little memory out of the past of my life. Hugs, Whizpurr ^-^
Comment from victortouche
Very nicely done.I'm thinking that maybe the next time I suspect feminine interest in me(ok, I'm a dreamer), I think I'll just keep my mouth shut and let the woman conquer me. Whinny, paw, paw. Kept my interst well, especially for such a long poem. I have trouble writing anything this long. Good job.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2009
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Very nicely done.I'm thinking that maybe the next time I suspect feminine interest in me(ok, I'm a dreamer), I think I'll just keep my mouth shut and let the woman conquer me. Whinny, paw, paw. Kept my interst well, especially for such a long poem. I have trouble writing anything this long. Good job.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2009
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Hi Victor,
Very good. You caught on. Most of us ladies love a challenge.
:-) Thanks for a marvelous review. Glad you enjoyed my poem even though it was rather longggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg!
Cheers, Whizpurr ^-^
Comment from Oatmeal
whizpurr,
You did a wonderful job with this challenge. The story line made sense. The imagery was excellent. The flow is great.
I did locate one small error. Nothing to worry about at all. It will be a quick fix.
To feast upon this (tastey) snack.
**tasty
Everything else looks wonderful!
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2009
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whizpurr,
You did a wonderful job with this challenge. The story line made sense. The imagery was excellent. The flow is great.
I did locate one small error. Nothing to worry about at all. It will be a quick fix.
To feast upon this (tastey) snack.
**tasty
Everything else looks wonderful!
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 14-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2009
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Hello Oatmeal,
I am glad you enjoyed my horse poem. Thanks for the kind review and for noticing my spelling error which I corrected right away. Much appreciated the generous rating. Cheers,
Whizpurr ^-^
