Remembering Rusty
About a gorgeous Quarter horse gelding...18 total reviews
Comment from whizpurr ^-^
Hi Realist,
This is a lovely poem about your old friend, Rusty. He sounds like he was a wonderful horse and you did an excellent job of telling the story of your close bond with him. I noticed that there are a few places you could have improved your meter count very easily by simply removing a word or two. e.g. the last line of the first two stanzas has 8 syllables, the last line of the third stanza has 9 syllables... if you were to leave out the word grassy and use a one syllable word (for example: lush or bright or ?) then the syllable count would become 8 like in the other stanzas. Hope this helps. I truly enjoyed your poem.
Cheers, Whizpurr ^-^
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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Hi Realist,
This is a lovely poem about your old friend, Rusty. He sounds like he was a wonderful horse and you did an excellent job of telling the story of your close bond with him. I noticed that there are a few places you could have improved your meter count very easily by simply removing a word or two. e.g. the last line of the first two stanzas has 8 syllables, the last line of the third stanza has 9 syllables... if you were to leave out the word grassy and use a one syllable word (for example: lush or bright or ?) then the syllable count would become 8 like in the other stanzas. Hope this helps. I truly enjoyed your poem.
Cheers, Whizpurr ^-^
Comment Written 21-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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Hi Miss Whizpurr, what a good reveiw! I will certainly redo that part, you are right, and I appreciate your taking the time to help me!! I am tickled that you like this too! Hope you are keeping warm!!! Susan
Comment from AlvinTEthington
You generally handle the abab rhyme scheme well, but thin and bend do not rhyme--the vowel sounds are different. Also, as creatively as you write, I think some more original would work better than thick and thin. If you decide to revise, let me know and I'll take another look. I could visualize the scene quite well; you have marvelous powers of description. The ending is both poignant and hopeful.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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You generally handle the abab rhyme scheme well, but thin and bend do not rhyme--the vowel sounds are different. Also, as creatively as you write, I think some more original would work better than thick and thin. If you decide to revise, let me know and I'll take another look. I could visualize the scene quite well; you have marvelous powers of description. The ending is both poignant and hopeful.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2009
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Hi there!! So good to hear from you ALvin, yes, I will redo this, you are right, I could see this, after waiting a week or so to read it again...thank you so much for taking time from your writing to read for me, I so appreciate it!!! Susan
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Let me know when you revise; I would like to take another look.
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Hi Alvin, THANK YOU. For making me work, and improve...this poem DOES sound better now...it took me some time, I kept at it, and it paid off, I hope, please let me know, I really value your time and opinion. IF you have time, let me know what I need to do to improve "The Waiting Game", I know it lacks...? Thank you once again my friend! Susan
Comment from MizKat
REALIST101 - Your horse poem was lovely. The rhyming was great. It flowed very well, too. I was also enjoyable to read. Well wishes to you in the contest. Kat
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2009
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REALIST101 - Your horse poem was lovely. The rhyming was great. It flowed very well, too. I was also enjoyable to read. Well wishes to you in the contest. Kat
Comment Written 10-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2009
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Hi MizKat, How I appreciate this nice review...thank you so much, for your time and many stars too !!! :) Nice to hear from you!!!! Susan
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
Beautifully written poem and tribute to your horse.
You tell the story well through your well chosen words.
The rhyme is a little eratic but the sentiment overrides that.
Juliette
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2009
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Beautifully written poem and tribute to your horse.
You tell the story well through your well chosen words.
The rhyme is a little eratic but the sentiment overrides that.
Juliette
Comment Written 10-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2009
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Hi Juliette, thank you so much for this kind review...I will re-read my poem, but probably too late to change the rhyme? I appreciate you honest comments tho, and it is helpful for future work hopefully? Thank you again, I hope you are keeping warm? :) Susan
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Susan...years ago we owned horses and I have spent many happy hours riding and just being alone with the horse and nature. So I do understand how much you loved and now miss Rusty. You wrote this poem very well and it tugs at the heart....good luck in the contest....blessings....chey
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2009
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Hi Susan...years ago we owned horses and I have spent many happy hours riding and just being alone with the horse and nature. So I do understand how much you loved and now miss Rusty. You wrote this poem very well and it tugs at the heart....good luck in the contest....blessings....chey
Comment Written 10-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2009
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Hi Chey!! Another horse person, how nice!! I am getting to the age and health, where it won't be long before I will have to hang up my spurs...but for now, I cling to the three we have now...I am happy to hear you once had horses...wish you could come and ride with me...KEEP WARM? I am covering our old windows with plastic... :(...17 degrees... Hugs to you and yours...Susan
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We actually got up to 22 degrees today...a mini heat wave (smile)...chey
Comment from eliz100
You have told the story of a wonderful relationship between you and Rusty. I enjoyed your poem from beginning to end. I am sorry about your loss.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2009
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You have told the story of a wonderful relationship between you and Rusty. I enjoyed your poem from beginning to end. I am sorry about your loss.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2009
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Hi Eliz, I thank you very much for this nice review...and for your kind words...I really do appreciate your time, and hope to hear from you again... :) Susan
Comment from adewpearl
What a tragic death for your beloved horse - who ever even considers such consequences? Your poem is sweetly nostalgic, and the ending delivers hope in a beautifully thoughtful way.
Good luck in the horse poem contest with this lovely entry. Brooke
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2009
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What a tragic death for your beloved horse - who ever even considers such consequences? Your poem is sweetly nostalgic, and the ending delivers hope in a beautifully thoughtful way.
Good luck in the horse poem contest with this lovely entry. Brooke
Comment Written 10-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2009
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Hi Brooke, what a nice rating and review...I so appreciate hearing from you...thank you so much...I hope you and your family are happy and warm!!! Hugs, Susan
Comment from pugdogy
absolutely excellent job here!!!
I really enjoyed this piece of work but the
author notes were soo sad.
keep up the great writing and good luck in the contest!!!
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2009
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absolutely excellent job here!!!
I really enjoyed this piece of work but the
author notes were soo sad.
keep up the great writing and good luck in the contest!!!
Comment Written 10-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2009
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Hi Pugdogy...What a really great review...thank you so much...I am glad you liked this, it was written in a short time, seems things like this, are the easiest to write, because it is real...thank you again, please take care...Susan
Comment from el twelve
nice poem, flowed nicely and the words were easy and elegant to read. the picture of course is amazing. i absolutely love all animals.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2009
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nice poem, flowed nicely and the words were easy and elegant to read. the picture of course is amazing. i absolutely love all animals.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2009
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Hi there EL, so good to hear from you...I wish the art were mine, I like to paint horses, but cannot claim this one...I so appreciate your great rating and kind words...thank you so much... :) Susan
Comment from NightWriter
"Remembering Rusty" is a sad, but equally beautifully written and told poem. Perfect rhythm and rhyme from beginning to end, with excellent details scattered throughout. Bravo!
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2009
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"Remembering Rusty" is a sad, but equally beautifully written and told poem. Perfect rhythm and rhyme from beginning to end, with excellent details scattered throughout. Bravo!
Comment Written 09-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2009
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Hi Steve, a great big thank you for another kind and appreciated review...I am thrilled to hear from you once more!! And hoping you and yours are safe and warm!!! Susan
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Thank you! I hope you are safe and warm too.
Steve
