Red Lives In The Hood
A red cape and a lesson to learn....36 total reviews
Comment from flygirl254
Wow, this is a very good story, in my personal opinion, on a few different levels. First, in the level of mechanics, your story is structured very well. It flows easily and it doesn't have any glaring grammatic or spelling errors. The paragraph breaks are nicely placed to keep the story moving along. Second, in the level of story, this work stands up for itself and works as an individual story. It is a good modernization of the plot of Red Riding Hood. Finally, on my own personal level, I worked for a few years for a CAPP program through the county's mental health offices. CAPP stands for Child Assault Prevention Program and it was our job to go into grade school classrooms to teach children how to keep from being assaulted, how to recognize if they are, and what to do. Our three areas were sexual abuse, bullying, and stranger danger. We would do skits for the kids, and after the classes they had the opportunity to come into the hall and privately ask us anything they want, or to disclose anything they may need to. Anyway, in skits I got to be that bad stranger danger person, which I saw within the words of your story. The puppy, the finding out the child's name and pretending you know them, all classic stuff. Finally, one of the things I helped with was in bullying, we wanted to show another person's point of view so I wrote Little Red Riding Hood from the point of view of the poor misunderstood wolf.
Having worked with all these skits and stories in this nationally recognized CAPP program, I can honestly say this story would fit very well into what they do, and it's a good piece of writing they would appreciate. I have no idea how you would go about getting it there, but it's a thought I felt compelled to put out there.
Great job! I really like this story. You definitely deserve a six star rating.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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Wow, this is a very good story, in my personal opinion, on a few different levels. First, in the level of mechanics, your story is structured very well. It flows easily and it doesn't have any glaring grammatic or spelling errors. The paragraph breaks are nicely placed to keep the story moving along. Second, in the level of story, this work stands up for itself and works as an individual story. It is a good modernization of the plot of Red Riding Hood. Finally, on my own personal level, I worked for a few years for a CAPP program through the county's mental health offices. CAPP stands for Child Assault Prevention Program and it was our job to go into grade school classrooms to teach children how to keep from being assaulted, how to recognize if they are, and what to do. Our three areas were sexual abuse, bullying, and stranger danger. We would do skits for the kids, and after the classes they had the opportunity to come into the hall and privately ask us anything they want, or to disclose anything they may need to. Anyway, in skits I got to be that bad stranger danger person, which I saw within the words of your story. The puppy, the finding out the child's name and pretending you know them, all classic stuff. Finally, one of the things I helped with was in bullying, we wanted to show another person's point of view so I wrote Little Red Riding Hood from the point of view of the poor misunderstood wolf.
Having worked with all these skits and stories in this nationally recognized CAPP program, I can honestly say this story would fit very well into what they do, and it's a good piece of writing they would appreciate. I have no idea how you would go about getting it there, but it's a thought I felt compelled to put out there.
Great job! I really like this story. You definitely deserve a six star rating.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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flygirl
I started writing these lesson stories because my little grandson was approached recently as he left his bus stop. He was missing for thirty minutes before he was brought to the babysitters house. He swears nothing hap0pened except he wet his pants but the thought just terrorizes me. Thank you so much for the awesome review. It is my pleasure to know someone who has stepped up to the plate and helped our children to avoid all the danger that lurks out there. I appreciate your thoughts and encouragement. Smiles, Carol
Comment from IndianaIrish
Excellent story with different takes on the same lesson for kids to learn, Carol. I think you did one heck of a job with this keeping it interesting and new.
Indy :>)
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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Excellent story with different takes on the same lesson for kids to learn, Carol. I think you did one heck of a job with this keeping it interesting and new.
Indy :>)
Comment Written 01-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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Indy
Thank you so much..Recently my grandson was in a situation that could have turned ugly...thus the stories with lessons for young children. Thanks so much for the review and your kind words. Carol
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi Carol,
Hmm, I see a story pattern, lots of old-school fairtails to do covers for . . . I think I would end these old fairy tales the way they did back originally... where the moral of the story hit harder cause they didn't end so happily. But that's of no matter. This was cute. Though Geez, where does this kid live? Everyone is out to get her!
strawberry(-)blonde curls everywhere.
(I believe a compound adjective)
(")Oh, Mommy, how wonderful. I will never be afraid again."(missing quote)
Something about the young man was beginning to bother Red and(,) she stepped away from him. (independent clauses)
Grandma's house was six blocks away(,) and that was a long way for a little girl.
"My Grandma's house is that way(,) and she is waiting for me."
Her head lay against her chest(,) and her snow-white hair was no longer neatly combed.
The man's head snapped in her direction(,) and their eyes met.
He lunged at her(,) and she turned around and ran out into the street, yelling,
The robber tried to run down the street(,) but the policeman caught him.
I like that you are combining more sentences than I recall you used to. Though, I noticed that you didn't use a comma to link them. Is there a rule you are going by? I was going by the (fanboys) for this. I just gave someone a four to fix a similar trend, so its just the grammar on this one for the four cause the story-line seems sound, else I wouldn't be able to sleep if I didn't stay consistent.
fanboys pretty much... I bla and bla-- where bla is two verbs (no comma)
but
I bla, and he Bla--
or--
I bla, and I bla--
or--
I bla, and they bla
(where 'and' is stand in for any of the fanboys (for and nor but or yet so)
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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Hi Carol,
Hmm, I see a story pattern, lots of old-school fairtails to do covers for . . . I think I would end these old fairy tales the way they did back originally... where the moral of the story hit harder cause they didn't end so happily. But that's of no matter. This was cute. Though Geez, where does this kid live? Everyone is out to get her!
strawberry(-)blonde curls everywhere.
(I believe a compound adjective)
(")Oh, Mommy, how wonderful. I will never be afraid again."(missing quote)
Something about the young man was beginning to bother Red and(,) she stepped away from him. (independent clauses)
Grandma's house was six blocks away(,) and that was a long way for a little girl.
"My Grandma's house is that way(,) and she is waiting for me."
Her head lay against her chest(,) and her snow-white hair was no longer neatly combed.
The man's head snapped in her direction(,) and their eyes met.
He lunged at her(,) and she turned around and ran out into the street, yelling,
The robber tried to run down the street(,) but the policeman caught him.
I like that you are combining more sentences than I recall you used to. Though, I noticed that you didn't use a comma to link them. Is there a rule you are going by? I was going by the (fanboys) for this. I just gave someone a four to fix a similar trend, so its just the grammar on this one for the four cause the story-line seems sound, else I wouldn't be able to sleep if I didn't stay consistent.
fanboys pretty much... I bla and bla-- where bla is two verbs (no comma)
but
I bla, and he Bla--
or--
I bla, and I bla--
or--
I bla, and they bla
(where 'and' is stand in for any of the fanboys (for and nor but or yet so)
Comment Written 30-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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turtle
The reason for the missing commas was because some have said it was over use...so I left them out. I have now put them back in because you are right about the conjuctions with sentences that could stand alone. Everyone always has a different opinion. I thank you for yours..Those corrections and a couple more have been made. Thanks again. Smiles, Carol
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Yeah, I tend to worry I go comma crazy; add five in... take three out. Commas and adjectives... I've brought my use of adjectives down too, switched for stronger verbs. But lots of people like to use adjectives and adverbs a lot, and I generally don't mind them, though some people outright don't like them.
Comment from BJean
Isn't it sad that this is so true. Unfortunately, I wish I had done more talking when my children were young. They have to be warned. What a perfect story to use for them. you did a great job on this children's story, Carol, Jean
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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Isn't it sad that this is so true. Unfortunately, I wish I had done more talking when my children were young. They have to be warned. What a perfect story to use for them. you did a great job on this children's story, Carol, Jean
Comment Written 30-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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Jean
Thank you...even though we do talk, it still happens. Recently my grandson found himself in a situation near his bus stop...luckily it turned out okay but it could have been very very bad. One never knows anymore, Thanks for the wonderful lreview. CArol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I think you captured most of the dangerous our young ones live with today. I would hate to be young and starting over again. I told my boys that even if it was my best friend, if I didn't tell them they were picking them up, don't go with them. I am not sure you ever know somebody completely. Good job.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2009
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I think you captured most of the dangerous our young ones live with today. I would hate to be young and starting over again. I told my boys that even if it was my best friend, if I didn't tell them they were picking them up, don't go with them. I am not sure you ever know somebody completely. Good job.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2009
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Barbara
I am glad that you liked this one...I believe there are many lessons for our young ones to learn. Thanks for the review. Carol
Comment from maxic59
I like the way that you have put a new twist on an old classic story. Well done.
I like how you have given the power to the little girl also.
onya mate :)
cheers max
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2009
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I like the way that you have put a new twist on an old classic story. Well done.
I like how you have given the power to the little girl also.
onya mate :)
cheers max
Comment Written 30-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2009
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Max
Glad that you enjoyed this modern day Little Red Riding Hood. I hope that children could relate and see the many different approaches a stranger can take to get to them. Thanks again. Carol
Comment from lola29
Ooh, that was scary. Too many close calls for that little girl. I'm happy she had the red cape and felt it held super powers for her. Good writing, Carol.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2009
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Ooh, that was scary. Too many close calls for that little girl. I'm happy she had the red cape and felt it held super powers for her. Good writing, Carol.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2009
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Lola
Do you think that a child would get the warnings of the many different ways a stranger might approach them?
Thanks for reading and the review. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Realist101
Another excellent story for a little older? kids, I love this, and hope it gets in a book soon? So many good stories that need to be mainstream...good job!! Hugs, Susan
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2009
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Another excellent story for a little older? kids, I love this, and hope it gets in a book soon? So many good stories that need to be mainstream...good job!! Hugs, Susan
Comment Written 30-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2009
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Susan
I hope this one showed the kids the many different ways that bad people can approach them....Glad you enjoyed the story. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Carol ....
I enjoyed this little play on "Little Red Riding Hood," especially the innocent reprimand given to Grandma at the end!
There are just a few small changes to suggest ...
* You have - her mommy had given her .... and, further on ... that my mommy made .... In both cases, I believe you should have Mommy - with a capital letter, as you have in other parts of the story.
* You have - towered over top of Grandma ... I suggest -
towered up over Grandma ....
Thank you for sharing this with us.
With love from ... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2009
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Hullo Carol ....
I enjoyed this little play on "Little Red Riding Hood," especially the innocent reprimand given to Grandma at the end!
There are just a few small changes to suggest ...
* You have - her mommy had given her .... and, further on ... that my mommy made .... In both cases, I believe you should have Mommy - with a capital letter, as you have in other parts of the story.
* You have - towered over top of Grandma ... I suggest -
towered up over Grandma ....
Thank you for sharing this with us.
With love from ... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2009
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Nanette
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the suggestions. Smiles, Carol
Comment from c_lucas
This is a very good, modern day adaption of Little Red Riding Hood. I enjoyed it. You should make a tape recording of this for children too young to read. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2009
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This is a very good, modern day adaption of Little Red Riding Hood. I enjoyed it. You should make a tape recording of this for children too young to read. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2009
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Charlie
That's a good idea, Charlie. Thanks for the suggestion. Smiles, Carol
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You're welcome, Carol. It would be a worthwhile learning tool to protect the children.
