Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Chapter 5; Part 3"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
45 total reviews
Comment from ladybird
Seems as if Steven is in a fix with this, liking Leyla as he does but not quite trusting her.The dialogue between Steven and Leyla on the porch was done very well.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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Seems as if Steven is in a fix with this, liking Leyla as he does but not quite trusting her.The dialogue between Steven and Leyla on the porch was done very well.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2009
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Thank your for your review.
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You're welcome.
Comment from anabelle
Good chapter. I really liked the tension between Peggy, Steven and Leya. I haven't read the previous chapters, so I'm not sure what's going on, but I get enough of the story from this part, to have a certain sense of it.
I'm hoping Leya's telling the truth.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2009
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Good chapter. I really liked the tension between Peggy, Steven and Leya. I haven't read the previous chapters, so I'm not sure what's going on, but I get enough of the story from this part, to have a certain sense of it.
I'm hoping Leya's telling the truth.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 05-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from rama devi
I've been wanting to check in to your writing but usually avoid entering later chapters when I did not read the previous. However, I got hooked into the scene right away, felt a sense of the story and characters and am now curious how things will resolve as your plot moves along.
Good dialog and build up of tension.
I have a sense, from this one chapter, that there will be more complexities in character development in how these people relate to each other in future. Subtle shifts indicate future changes.
Curious.
Two tiny suggestions-
She gulped,(not sure you need this comma) before she continued,
"I'll relay the message," he said. (speech tag not needed here)
Good flow/pace, easy to read style and interesting storyline.
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2009
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I've been wanting to check in to your writing but usually avoid entering later chapters when I did not read the previous. However, I got hooked into the scene right away, felt a sense of the story and characters and am now curious how things will resolve as your plot moves along.
Good dialog and build up of tension.
I have a sense, from this one chapter, that there will be more complexities in character development in how these people relate to each other in future. Subtle shifts indicate future changes.
Curious.
Two tiny suggestions-
She gulped,(not sure you need this comma) before she continued,
"I'll relay the message," he said. (speech tag not needed here)
Good flow/pace, easy to read style and interesting storyline.
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 03-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and I will take a look at those suggestions.
Comment from Joan E.
I am sorry I fell behind on my reviewing; I was taking Gil Arend's FS meter class and was buried, but it was well worth the effort. By the way, I like your new picture and always appreciate your summaries. I enjoyed your authentic sounding dialog, descriptions of the action and use of italics. I liked the tone you established at the end as well.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2009
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I am sorry I fell behind on my reviewing; I was taking Gil Arend's FS meter class and was buried, but it was well worth the effort. By the way, I like your new picture and always appreciate your summaries. I enjoyed your authentic sounding dialog, descriptions of the action and use of italics. I liked the tone you established at the end as well.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review. I am glad you are back. I missed you.
Comment from L.lora
Oh Barbara, I so dislike
Peggy at this point... This
extremely strongly written
with high tension and of course
the conflict between the two
women is very well portrayed.
Innocent people always catch the
brunt of things when someone
gets green-eyed... Anxious to see
what is going to happen next.
No spags or nits... Lora
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2009
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Oh Barbara, I so dislike
Peggy at this point... This
extremely strongly written
with high tension and of course
the conflict between the two
women is very well portrayed.
Innocent people always catch the
brunt of things when someone
gets green-eyed... Anxious to see
what is going to happen next.
No spags or nits... Lora
Comment Written 02-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and continued support.
Comment from jayhawk67
I'm glad I read this chapter. This kind of thriller is what I look for when I want something to read.
There is a sense of authenticity to the dialogue and the setting. The story moves along and it is very easy to sense the tension.
There is no need for any editing that I can see.
Good job.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2009
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I'm glad I read this chapter. This kind of thriller is what I look for when I want something to read.
There is a sense of authenticity to the dialogue and the setting. The story moves along and it is very easy to sense the tension.
There is no need for any editing that I can see.
Good job.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate the kind words.
Comment from Laidy
i thought this was a very well thought out and written chapter. as always your ideas are always sparking with life. i liked reading and found this read interesting and a page turner.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2009
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i thought this was a very well thought out and written chapter. as always your ideas are always sparking with life. i liked reading and found this read interesting and a page turner.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Queenise
he Barbara, friend. another good chapter that I really enjoyed reading. It is full of suspense and i am mystified as to what is going on. Good flow and pace. You keep the reader wanting to know more, which is great. Would recommend to others. Peace and lol. Queenise
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2009
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he Barbara, friend. another good chapter that I really enjoyed reading. It is full of suspense and i am mystified as to what is going on. Good flow and pace. You keep the reader wanting to know more, which is great. Would recommend to others. Peace and lol. Queenise
Comment Written 02-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words. I appreciate the continued support.
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You're welcome. Blessings. Queenise
Comment from Heidixoxo
Although I have not bee fortunate enough to read all of your story, I did find this chapter very well written. I think your characters are awesome and I can tell this is a good read. I will be trying to catch up on this one!! Best of luck.....xoxo
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2009
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Although I have not bee fortunate enough to read all of your story, I did find this chapter very well written. I think your characters are awesome and I can tell this is a good read. I will be trying to catch up on this one!! Best of luck.....xoxo
Comment Written 01-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your reveiw and kind words.
Comment from Lynar
I enjoyed how the action and crisis scene began, with the lead Leya being the mole. The short and long dialogue between the additional characters kept the story moving at fast, exciting pace.(Peggy; Leya).
Your background data helped orient me to the story, good.
The use of flashback was introduced smoothly in transition, as well as the romance angle between husband Steve and wife. But the end reality for her husband was duty first, in a cliff hanger ending. I yearned to read more about her guilt or not? Your Fiction story was believable. I would recommend it to my friends, No negative comments. Excellent.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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I enjoyed how the action and crisis scene began, with the lead Leya being the mole. The short and long dialogue between the additional characters kept the story moving at fast, exciting pace.(Peggy; Leya).
Your background data helped orient me to the story, good.
The use of flashback was introduced smoothly in transition, as well as the romance angle between husband Steve and wife. But the end reality for her husband was duty first, in a cliff hanger ending. I yearned to read more about her guilt or not? Your Fiction story was believable. I would recommend it to my friends, No negative comments. Excellent.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
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Your are very welcome. barbara.wilkey
