Legal Tendencies
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Trial & Goodbyes"Two attorney's fall in love....
30 total reviews
Comment from ragaro
the way you can compact the story in order to change from one scenario to antoher is amazing. The reading comes very easy, and thatīs always a good way to analize a story from my point of view. So its a good story.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2009
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the way you can compact the story in order to change from one scenario to antoher is amazing. The reading comes very easy, and thatīs always a good way to analize a story from my point of view. So its a good story.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2009
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Awe, thank you so much. A very much needed uplift today. xoxo
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Good climax to this part of the story. One criticism, it is almost totally narrative, and could be developed to give most information as a dialogue perhaps between lawyers and judge or jury. Missing is the Jurors giving their verdict, it leaps straigh to the Judge delivering sentence.
Some spaggy bits to fix -
and speach were fantastically done - speech
jump in to his arms - into
Clarice ad I went to the - and
sentenced to life in prson without - prison
Patrick
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2009
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Good climax to this part of the story. One criticism, it is almost totally narrative, and could be developed to give most information as a dialogue perhaps between lawyers and judge or jury. Missing is the Jurors giving their verdict, it leaps straigh to the Judge delivering sentence.
Some spaggy bits to fix -
and speach were fantastically done - speech
jump in to his arms - into
Clarice ad I went to the - and
sentenced to life in prson without - prison
Patrick
Comment Written 17-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2009
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Thank you so much for commenting and rating. I am glad you enjoyed this....xoxo
Comment from lola29
This chapter seemed to be packed with a lot of different feelings and thoughts brewing from your protagonist. Her dominant thoughts seemed to have been centered around Steven and saying goodbye, and yet she wants him to find her after she leaves.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2009
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This chapter seemed to be packed with a lot of different feelings and thoughts brewing from your protagonist. Her dominant thoughts seemed to have been centered around Steven and saying goodbye, and yet she wants him to find her after she leaves.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2009
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Basically it's meant to end as with IF he loves her the way he says and after sucha huge mistake, then in time he would come for her. Sorry if that was to cinfusing (lol) Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate that....xoxo
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Thank you for explaining.
Comment from Jordan Rose
I enjoyed your story. It has a good opening, intriguing the reader. However, I tend to like to feel more "involved"- like I'm sitting in the middle of it, experiencing it with the characters. I didn't feel that with this. I felt like someone was telling me what happened, rather than showing.
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reply by the author on 17-Nov-2009
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I enjoyed your story. It has a good opening, intriguing the reader. However, I tend to like to feel more "involved"- like I'm sitting in the middle of it, experiencing it with the characters. I didn't feel that with this. I felt like someone was telling me what happened, rather than showing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2009
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thank you and sorry for the disappointment xoxo
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Please don't think of it as disappointment. It was just the perspective felt more like telling vs. showing. I apologize if my comments were not helpful. Jordan.
Comment from irishauthorme
Wow, you really covered the full slate here!
This was a great addition to your story, full and you left us with an unresiolved problem, so we have to come back for more!
Saw several mispelled words that you will find easy to correct.
Good story!
Irish
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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Wow, you really covered the full slate here!
This was a great addition to your story, full and you left us with an unresiolved problem, so we have to come back for more!
Saw several mispelled words that you will find easy to correct.
Good story!
Irish
Comment Written 15-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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Trying to correct the errors, tahnk you so much!! xoxo
Comment from Sasha
This is another excellent chapter. You have done a great job conveying her love for Steven and her need to move on. This was deeply moving and well written. I enjoyed this immensely. I found two small typos:
Clarice ad I went to the hall ... Clarice 'and' I went ....
arrived ad sat waiting ... arrived 'and' sat ...
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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This is another excellent chapter. You have done a great job conveying her love for Steven and her need to move on. This was deeply moving and well written. I enjoyed this immensely. I found two small typos:
Clarice ad I went to the hall ... Clarice 'and' I went ....
arrived ad sat waiting ... arrived 'and' sat ...
Comment Written 15-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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thank you Smurfgirl for all your help, advice and encouragement. I am so glad this novel is complete and no the waiting game starts........xoxo
Comment from c_lucas
You need to check your Judicial terms "hearing and trial) This is very well written with a few minor errors. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Clarice ad(and) I went to the hall sitting
arrived ad (and) sat waiting
asked that the defense (to) stand up, Adam as well.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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You need to check your Judicial terms "hearing and trial) This is very well written with a few minor errors. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Clarice ad(and) I went to the hall sitting
arrived ad (and) sat waiting
asked that the defense (to) stand up, Adam as well.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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Thank you for finding these errors. You have helped me SO much to get this novel finished and i thank you. xoxo
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You're welcome, Heidi. Charlie
Comment from thewriter1970
I enjoyed reading this chapter.
You have a lot going on here and it works really well.
It will be interesting to see where you tke the story next especially between these two.
Good job.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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I enjoyed reading this chapter.
You have a lot going on here and it works really well.
It will be interesting to see where you tke the story next especially between these two.
Good job.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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Thank youa dn now that my ovel is over, I think it ends well, full of sadness. I value your opinion. xoxo
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Do you plan on a sequel
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Actually, yes I do!! What are your thoughts on that??
xoxo
Comment from jayhawk67
While the story is well paced and the emotions well expressed, there are some technical issues I have.
I have practiced law. I am a little puzzled about how these two came to prosecute a criminal case while being members of a private firm. Perhaps they were appointed special prosecutors; this happens sometimes in real life if an attorney has a particular field of expertise and has a connection of some kind with the elected prosecutor.
There could be a significant conflict if Clarice is the prosecuting witness against Adam while her sister is working for the prosecution; I couldn't tell from reading the preceding chapters just what Clarice' role, other than being a victim, might be in this case.
John LeScroart has written a series of novels about a San Francisco law firm; he is not a lawyer but uses one as a consultant. As a result, his work rings true. The same can be said of Steve Martini.
However, I suspect that your desired audience is less geared for legal novels than for romance writing. While that is not my cup of tea, it seems you have the skills and desire to make a go of it.
Sorry, but I am also real picky about grammar and spelling.
Your work holds together fairly well, but you might want to edit your copy a little more closely.
At some point I will probably submit my own efforts. To date it has just been poetry which can be typed directly on the page;consequently, if submission of pages of a novel requires use of html procedures then please forgive my heavy hand.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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While the story is well paced and the emotions well expressed, there are some technical issues I have.
I have practiced law. I am a little puzzled about how these two came to prosecute a criminal case while being members of a private firm. Perhaps they were appointed special prosecutors; this happens sometimes in real life if an attorney has a particular field of expertise and has a connection of some kind with the elected prosecutor.
There could be a significant conflict if Clarice is the prosecuting witness against Adam while her sister is working for the prosecution; I couldn't tell from reading the preceding chapters just what Clarice' role, other than being a victim, might be in this case.
John LeScroart has written a series of novels about a San Francisco law firm; he is not a lawyer but uses one as a consultant. As a result, his work rings true. The same can be said of Steve Martini.
However, I suspect that your desired audience is less geared for legal novels than for romance writing. While that is not my cup of tea, it seems you have the skills and desire to make a go of it.
Sorry, but I am also real picky about grammar and spelling.
Your work holds together fairly well, but you might want to edit your copy a little more closely.
At some point I will probably submit my own efforts. To date it has just been poetry which can be typed directly on the page;consequently, if submission of pages of a novel requires use of html procedures then please forgive my heavy hand.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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I appreciate the legal advice you handed down to me. However I am only a writer and not an attorney but thought it would be fun to add that in. Thank you for your help and advoce..xoxo
Comment from Eternal Muse
This was very interesting. Intriguing and captivating. You used great descriptive imagery and I liked the element of the suspense. I understand that he heroine was raped by someone named Adam; but who is Steve? It's not very clear from your story. Also, the paragraphs are too long. I believe, you would improve the presentation by shortening them. It is hard to read, when all of it is almost in one bulk.
I guess, Adam got his just deserts, and she is going home happy, only to leave it. You weren't too clear about what it is that Steve had done (and who Alicia was too) to necessitate this escape. I believe, the whole story could use a bit more clarification in the opening lines.
Otherwise, it is a great and entertaining story. Thank you very much for sharing it with us.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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This was very interesting. Intriguing and captivating. You used great descriptive imagery and I liked the element of the suspense. I understand that he heroine was raped by someone named Adam; but who is Steve? It's not very clear from your story. Also, the paragraphs are too long. I believe, you would improve the presentation by shortening them. It is hard to read, when all of it is almost in one bulk.
I guess, Adam got his just deserts, and she is going home happy, only to leave it. You weren't too clear about what it is that Steve had done (and who Alicia was too) to necessitate this escape. I believe, the whole story could use a bit more clarification in the opening lines.
Otherwise, it is a great and entertaining story. Thank you very much for sharing it with us.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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You would benefit from reading the entire story to understand the charaters.....Preceeding chapters clearly explain. Thanks for your review...xoxo
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Oh, of course. But don't some authors put a short synopsis in the beginning of each new chapter to explain, in a capsule, what's going on? I will take a look at the other chapters.
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I understand what that means exactly. Please explain so I know how to correct th is.
xoxo
