Not the Person I was Before
quatrain20 total reviews
Comment from fionageorge
Beautiful and meaningful entry into this contest. You have the ability to convey the emotions and feelings of the despair you would suffer if you never saw 'you' again.
Great rhythm and free flowing poem, and the rhyme is perfect.
Good luck in the contest
Warmest Regards
Marijke
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2009
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Beautiful and meaningful entry into this contest. You have the ability to convey the emotions and feelings of the despair you would suffer if you never saw 'you' again.
Great rhythm and free flowing poem, and the rhyme is perfect.
Good luck in the contest
Warmest Regards
Marijke
Comment Written 02-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2009
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Thank you for such a good review; you are very kind,
Comment from LateBloomer
Hello Alvin,
I enjoyed the humanness of this poem. It reads and flows well. Many can/will relate to this poem. I particularly liked the following:
Just plain living would be a chore
If I never see you again.
Good luck in the contest. Regards, LateBloomer
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2009
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Hello Alvin,
I enjoyed the humanness of this poem. It reads and flows well. Many can/will relate to this poem. I particularly liked the following:
Just plain living would be a chore
If I never see you again.
Good luck in the contest. Regards, LateBloomer
Comment Written 02-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2009
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Thanks for understanding what I wanted to convey and for a good review.
Comment from AnnaLinda
Alvin,
Your poem, "Not the Person I was Before" is also outstanding!
Your surely have captured the despair of losing someone that you loved. This thought is very original: "The sky's bow that follows the rain Would not refract a prism now.
All it would show is my own pain; No bright colors would it allow..."
And your ending is really well stated. You did a fantastic job on that contest prompt!
SweetLinda
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2009
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Alvin,
Your poem, "Not the Person I was Before" is also outstanding!
Your surely have captured the despair of losing someone that you loved. This thought is very original: "The sky's bow that follows the rain Would not refract a prism now.
All it would show is my own pain; No bright colors would it allow..."
And your ending is really well stated. You did a fantastic job on that contest prompt!
SweetLinda
Comment Written 01-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2009
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You are far too kind, I fear. Thanks for a great review.
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No, your poem deserves much praise!
Comment from Gert sherwood
Alvin,
Here are my thought about not seeing the one I trust to guide my way-
My life will be waves of woe
I will feel beaten and tossed about
By the sullen thoughts of you being gone
I will feel desolate and filled with doubt
And my life will fee like its dragging
in the gale and I may want to fail.
Gert
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2009
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Alvin,
Here are my thought about not seeing the one I trust to guide my way-
My life will be waves of woe
I will feel beaten and tossed about
By the sullen thoughts of you being gone
I will feel desolate and filled with doubt
And my life will fee like its dragging
in the gale and I may want to fail.
Gert
Comment Written 01-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2009
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But of course the Lord will pick us up. I think you'll like my next posting. Thanks for a good review.
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You are welcome Alvin will be looking for your next posting
Would you do a favor for me-.
I wrote a small talk I'm going to give to the parishioners and Priest next Sunday
the title is A thank you note-
I just want your honest opinion of what I'm going to say, when I give thanks for all the very kind acts, etc. my church friends have done for me and Stan.
Th link is- http://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?id=308448
Gert
Comment from babylonia
this is exactly how i would feel if something bad had happened to my daughter. i just think i would be the biggest mess this side of the salt fork. sigh. imagery is excellent.
love,
barbara
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2009
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this is exactly how i would feel if something bad had happened to my daughter. i just think i would be the biggest mess this side of the salt fork. sigh. imagery is excellent.
love,
barbara
Comment Written 01-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2009
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Yes, you know how I have felt for the last six months. Thanks for a great review.
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i have.
Comment from lola29
Alvin, your poem perfectly meets the contest guidelines and your sentiment speaks for so many of us. I'm very impressed with your rhyming scheme. Excellent entry!
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2009
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Alvin, your poem perfectly meets the contest guidelines and your sentiment speaks for so many of us. I'm very impressed with your rhyming scheme. Excellent entry!
Comment Written 01-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2009
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Thank you; as always, you are very kind.
Comment from starkat
Hi Al..
Enjoyed your well rhymed quatrain poem. Lots of heavy emotional stuff that would happen if you never saw them again.
There are a couple of lines in the first stanza that I thought you might want to look at for flow. No need to change anything... ' a dull grey' is okay'...the use of the word "my" twice in one sentence seems overdone.
suggestion...
My world would become dull and grey
My mind and soul would soon decay
Good luck in this contest.
I may write a rondeau for this contest.
Later,
Art
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2009
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Hi Al..
Enjoyed your well rhymed quatrain poem. Lots of heavy emotional stuff that would happen if you never saw them again.
There are a couple of lines in the first stanza that I thought you might want to look at for flow. No need to change anything... ' a dull grey' is okay'...the use of the word "my" twice in one sentence seems overdone.
suggestion...
My world would become dull and grey
My mind and soul would soon decay
Good luck in this contest.
I may write a rondeau for this contest.
Later,
Art
Comment Written 01-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2009
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Yes, that and "would" is repeated too much, but I studied it for at least an hour and could not find a way around it. The prompt leaves itself to concentrate on oneself. Thanks for a good review.
Comment from Susanne M. Psyris
Al,this is so touching and sad in tone...great lines and descriptives to stir emotions. There can be felt how deep the love is for the subject by the reader. It is not "whiny" or "woe-is-me" in its content; just an openess of feeling and expression. Great job and good luck in the contest. Love, Susanne
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2009
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Al,this is so touching and sad in tone...great lines and descriptives to stir emotions. There can be felt how deep the love is for the subject by the reader. It is not "whiny" or "woe-is-me" in its content; just an openess of feeling and expression. Great job and good luck in the contest. Love, Susanne
Comment Written 01-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2009
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Thank you so much; I was concerned this might come across as self-pity and you have reassured me. Thanks for this review.
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You are very welcome...great job!
Comment from StevenJosephBruening
A very fine melancholy and well wrought poetic prose with an effective rhyme scheme. It meets and, I think, iin many ways, exceed the paremeters set by the contest criteria. best of luck in the booth and hugs, friend!
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2009
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A very fine melancholy and well wrought poetic prose with an effective rhyme scheme. It meets and, I think, iin many ways, exceed the paremeters set by the contest criteria. best of luck in the booth and hugs, friend!
Comment Written 01-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2009
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Thanks for a great review. I appreciate it.
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My pleasure.
~ Steven
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Al...You did a fine job of writing heartfelt emotion in this poem. Your rhyming and word choices are superior. A very enjoyable read. Good luck in the contest.....chey
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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2009
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Hi Al...You did a fine job of writing heartfelt emotion in this poem. Your rhyming and word choices are superior. A very enjoyable read. Good luck in the contest.....chey
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2009
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You are always so kind; thank you so much.
