An April Epiphany
Simple things - profound moments.42 total reviews
Comment from redrider6612
This was a charming little story. Grandchildren are such a joy--I'm looking forward to the day that I have them.
SPAG issues:
Punctuation belongs inside quotation marks.
[quickly pointed out that the milk carton indicated it was past the expiration date.] "Did you know that this milk is past the date?" --first part is redundant since the dialogue says this
My 5 year old --spell out "five" and hyphenate, five-year-old
she exclaimed [to my mom],--this is understood by the content of the dialogue
"It don't matter[,] Granny"--always put a comma before a name
uniquely my daughter[']s
Nice work. Keep writing!
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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This was a charming little story. Grandchildren are such a joy--I'm looking forward to the day that I have them.
SPAG issues:
Punctuation belongs inside quotation marks.
[quickly pointed out that the milk carton indicated it was past the expiration date.] "Did you know that this milk is past the date?" --first part is redundant since the dialogue says this
My 5 year old --spell out "five" and hyphenate, five-year-old
she exclaimed [to my mom],--this is understood by the content of the dialogue
"It don't matter[,] Granny"--always put a comma before a name
uniquely my daughter[']s
Nice work. Keep writing!
Comment Written 01-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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Corrections noted and changed. Thanks for reading and for your input. I don't know if this will influence your rating, but all changes made.
Comment from L.lora
This is so delicious, simply
wonderful and now Grandpa Bill
I also have a tear in my eye.
You definitely have a moment to
treasure, one of those rare little
gifts that can't be duplicated
ever. The clarity it gave you is
grand, but the gift even better.
no nits or spags...Lora
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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This is so delicious, simply
wonderful and now Grandpa Bill
I also have a tear in my eye.
You definitely have a moment to
treasure, one of those rare little
gifts that can't be duplicated
ever. The clarity it gave you is
grand, but the gift even better.
no nits or spags...Lora
Comment Written 01-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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Thank you very much Lora - I do appreciate you reading and for your kind words. Regards, Bill
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
WHat a lovely story it kept me interested right to the end
I loved the picture you chose. It was well written and I wouldn't change any of it thanks for sharing it Mary
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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WHat a lovely story it kept me interested right to the end
I loved the picture you chose. It was well written and I wouldn't change any of it thanks for sharing it Mary
Comment Written 01-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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Thank you Mary - your review brings a smile to my face.
Comment from AlvinTEthington
Oh, what a cute story. (Actually, the cat could probably smell if the milk was sour, right?) But you do show in this almost didactic story how children display what they have learned. Their innocence is touching when they, at least subconsciously, show a joy in exhibiting what they have learned, such as knowing animals can't do things humans can do, like read. You write children's dialogue, complete with the grammatical errors they often make, well.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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Oh, what a cute story. (Actually, the cat could probably smell if the milk was sour, right?) But you do show in this almost didactic story how children display what they have learned. Their innocence is touching when they, at least subconsciously, show a joy in exhibiting what they have learned, such as knowing animals can't do things humans can do, like read. You write children's dialogue, complete with the grammatical errors they often make, well.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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Well hey, Alvin, even though I'm 61, I'm still a child at heart. Thanks for reading and for your kind and generous review. Regards, Bill
Comment from despiser
bhogg
what a cute kid, and a touching story too. you caught a glimpse of something we tend to think in an offhanded way without seeing it firsthand. as far as the ocd is concerned, believe me when i say i'm intimately familiar with it lol
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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bhogg
what a cute kid, and a touching story too. you caught a glimpse of something we tend to think in an offhanded way without seeing it firsthand. as far as the ocd is concerned, believe me when i say i'm intimately familiar with it lol
Comment Written 01-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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Thanks for reading and for your kind words. Regards, Bill
Comment from Isaiah Ramesses
Funny and touching, Bhogg. Kids of this generation seem to get smarter every day. Lol! Your short is well narrated and cheerful, Bill.
Isaiah Ramesses
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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Funny and touching, Bhogg. Kids of this generation seem to get smarter every day. Lol! Your short is well narrated and cheerful, Bill.
Isaiah Ramesses
Comment Written 01-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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Thank you very much Isaiah - I'm glad that you read and appreciate your kind words.
Comment from Mirandawrites
Papa Bill, this is an excellent story, so heartwarming, so humanizing. I absolutely love it, got few chuckles out of it too. I particularly love the phrase "Cuz the cat can't read". Great opening and you did very well by wrapping the story with that phrase, stand alone. Succinct, I think it wouldn't have the same grand bang of an exit if you didn't use it. Very Well done... Toast! Miranda
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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Papa Bill, this is an excellent story, so heartwarming, so humanizing. I absolutely love it, got few chuckles out of it too. I particularly love the phrase "Cuz the cat can't read". Great opening and you did very well by wrapping the story with that phrase, stand alone. Succinct, I think it wouldn't have the same grand bang of an exit if you didn't use it. Very Well done... Toast! Miranda
Comment Written 01-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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Thank you Miranda - I'm so glad that you read and very much appreciate the kind comments.
Comment from jadapenn
I simply loved this. So sweet of the little one to see things as they are and putting mama in her place.
Well written and enjoyable. luv jada
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2009
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I simply loved this. So sweet of the little one to see things as they are and putting mama in her place.
Well written and enjoyable. luv jada
Comment Written 26-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2009
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Thanks Jada - you are always great to respond and so helpful.
Comment from Brendajay
This is a nice memoir really. I have grandchildren and understand your epiphany well. They are reflections/mirrors of ourselves. Nicely written, I don't see any revisions.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2009
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This is a nice memoir really. I have grandchildren and understand your epiphany well. They are reflections/mirrors of ourselves. Nicely written, I don't see any revisions.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2009
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Brendajack - apologies, apologies! I noticed that I never thanked you for reading my story and for the kind words. Grandchildren are special. I didn't get to see any of mine over X-mas. Hope you were more blessed!
Comment from jester71
Very cute and I love that comment of the cat not being able to read. The logic of children is always hilarious. My youngest son looks exactly like my father when he concentrates, sticking his tongue out of the corner of his mouth and squinting his eyes. It amazes me, especially because they have only met once. Your essay has no spag which I have spotted. Good job.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2009
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Very cute and I love that comment of the cat not being able to read. The logic of children is always hilarious. My youngest son looks exactly like my father when he concentrates, sticking his tongue out of the corner of his mouth and squinting his eyes. It amazes me, especially because they have only met once. Your essay has no spag which I have spotted. Good job.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2009
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Years ago, after my Son came home from visiting Grandma and Grandpa, I had to laugh when he went wee-wee. He spit in the toilet first - yep, just like Grandpa!
