Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Chapter 4 Part 1"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
56 total reviews
Comment from empire76
It's been a while. glad to see a new chapter. I like how Leya seems to be really getting emotionally involved and Steven is determined to see the end of it.
- Steven asked(,) recognizing the voice
- "Really?" The compliment surprised him, but (he) decided he liked it.
- We're use(d) to Dani's stunts.
- ...he put it on his left ring finger;
no need to tell us which finger he put it on. It will be assumed he put it on the correct one.
Cheers
Empi
experience had taught him he would lose, anyway.
After lunch, Matt and Dani walked Steven, Leya, Michael, and Bob to the landing pad.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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It's been a while. glad to see a new chapter. I like how Leya seems to be really getting emotionally involved and Steven is determined to see the end of it.
- Steven asked(,) recognizing the voice
- "Really?" The compliment surprised him, but (he) decided he liked it.
- We're use(d) to Dani's stunts.
- ...he put it on his left ring finger;
no need to tell us which finger he put it on. It will be assumed he put it on the correct one.
Cheers
Empi
experience had taught him he would lose, anyway.
After lunch, Matt and Dani walked Steven, Leya, Michael, and Bob to the landing pad.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2009
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Thank you for your review, I will take care of those issues ASAP
Comment from Winslow
Dear Barbara,
I can see why your writing is recognized. You write in an acitve style, the dialouge is realistic, and you have a good story to tell. I don't have anything to recommend other than say congratulations on a tale well told.
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Dear Barbara,
I can see why your writing is recognized. You write in an acitve style, the dialouge is realistic, and you have a good story to tell. I don't have anything to recommend other than say congratulations on a tale well told.
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from christopherjl
Wow, what a situation... having to be placed into a marriage just to avoid another marriage. Great dynamic. I have no suggestions for this writing. Great job!
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2009
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Wow, what a situation... having to be placed into a marriage just to avoid another marriage. Great dynamic. I have no suggestions for this writing. Great job!
Comment Written 25-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2009
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from sgalletti
Ah, Dani's a little devil. I'm very pleased to see that Steven might actually be falling in love. Is he? Well...I'll wait to see. Loved seeing your picture. It makes you feel even more like a friend. Sue
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2009
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Ah, Dani's a little devil. I'm very pleased to see that Steven might actually be falling in love. Is he? Well...I'll wait to see. Loved seeing your picture. It makes you feel even more like a friend. Sue
Comment Written 25-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2009
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Thank you for your review. I was worried about the photo. Thank you for your comment to it.
Comment from Adri7enne
Pretty rough getting it to make sense when you come in at chapter 15, I guess. Still, I got the gist of it. Steven is marrying Leila as a protection for her, but he's starting to have real feelings for her. Good premise for a romance.
You do dialogue well. I didn't spot any obvious spag. Good job, Barb.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2009
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Pretty rough getting it to make sense when you come in at chapter 15, I guess. Still, I got the gist of it. Steven is marrying Leila as a protection for her, but he's starting to have real feelings for her. Good premise for a romance.
You do dialogue well. I didn't spot any obvious spag. Good job, Barb.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from Writeaway...
Excellent chapter to your story barbara.wilkey, I enjoyed reading every minute of it and hope to see more from you in the future, great job.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2009
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Excellent chapter to your story barbara.wilkey, I enjoyed reading every minute of it and hope to see more from you in the future, great job.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from fanstoria
Your right about action.Maybe a little will work.
Their eyes met and silence filled the room as their gaze lingered.How does Leya feel?
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2009
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Your right about action.Maybe a little will work.
Their eyes met and silence filled the room as their gaze lingered.How does Leya feel?
Comment Written 25-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2009
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Thank you for your review. I promise action is on the horizon, it is building up to it.
Comment from Nefra2
As you comment, scenes need to be set - lulls before the storm as t'were. This well written and I feel it derserves all of five stars. Bless
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2009
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As you comment, scenes need to be set - lulls before the storm as t'were. This well written and I feel it derserves all of five stars. Bless
Comment Written 25-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from rama devi
I was unsure whether to review---because, coming in the middle, I cannot comment on plot development, character development etc. though from this first contact, they seem to be coming along well as far as I can tell.
However, I can comment that you have a solid command of dialog. Very well done. The flow is excellent. Easy to read and engaging.
Also, this is spag free except for one suggesiton-
"Think Dani knows something,(no comma) I don't?
Warm Regards,
rama devi
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2009
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I was unsure whether to review---because, coming in the middle, I cannot comment on plot development, character development etc. though from this first contact, they seem to be coming along well as far as I can tell.
However, I can comment that you have a solid command of dialog. Very well done. The flow is excellent. Easy to read and engaging.
Also, this is spag free except for one suggesiton-
"Think Dani knows something,(no comma) I don't?
Warm Regards,
rama devi
Comment Written 25-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2009
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Thank you for catching that comma. Out of the 40+ reviews I've had you are the only one who caught that. Thank you, again.
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Thanks for noticing---!
Warmly,
rd
Comment from Earthwriter
action is not everything i thought this piece hasd well constructed content and I found it both enjoyable and entertaining
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2009
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action is not everything i thought this piece hasd well constructed content and I found it both enjoyable and entertaining
Comment Written 25-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
