Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Summer"A book of a mixture of stories
37 total reviews
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Lovely story and beautifully told. I guessed part way through that your heroine was in labour, but then I do have some experience of dealing with that even though I'm a man! Thirty plus years of the emergency services and three children of my own certainly tipped the bias there. Well done, nice ending and a good tale.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
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Lovely story and beautifully told. I guessed part way through that your heroine was in labour, but then I do have some experience of dealing with that even though I'm a man! Thirty plus years of the emergency services and three children of my own certainly tipped the bias there. Well done, nice ending and a good tale.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
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Patrick
You are the only person who has told me they figured it out before hand...but I don't feel so bad that you did since you do have quite a background. Thank you for the review. CArol
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My pleasure, it's nice to know that some of my experience is at least useful sometimes ...
Comment from sunny39
I read your story and really liked it. You gave just enough of Tania's background to bring her story to life. You had some really good phrases in the post, i. e.
"Summer was supposed to be fun, filled with lazy days of swimming and playing, not smearing dirt across your face as you wiped the sweat away."
I loved her thoughts of her grandmother, their life together and the wonderful advise she'd give Tania. The ending was great - perfect name for the little girl - Summer. Your story gave a double meaning to the title.
Very good.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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I read your story and really liked it. You gave just enough of Tania's background to bring her story to life. You had some really good phrases in the post, i. e.
"Summer was supposed to be fun, filled with lazy days of swimming and playing, not smearing dirt across your face as you wiped the sweat away."
I loved her thoughts of her grandmother, their life together and the wonderful advise she'd give Tania. The ending was great - perfect name for the little girl - Summer. Your story gave a double meaning to the title.
Very good.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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Sunny
I am pleased that you captured exactly how the story was meant to be. I appreciate your kind review. Carol
Comment from AnnaLinda
BeginAgain,
Well you sure are a fine writer! This is a smooth and enjoyable read. I tend to not read a lot of longer pieces on this site, but you have kept me reading on with your interesting story! It had real struggles of real life and love.
I am glad it had a good ending:) I was thinking maybe something was going to be fatally wrong with Tania. Summer is such a great name for that child born in the heat of summer.
I am so glad that I came by to read this!
Well Done!
SweetLinda
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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BeginAgain,
Well you sure are a fine writer! This is a smooth and enjoyable read. I tend to not read a lot of longer pieces on this site, but you have kept me reading on with your interesting story! It had real struggles of real life and love.
I am glad it had a good ending:) I was thinking maybe something was going to be fatally wrong with Tania. Summer is such a great name for that child born in the heat of summer.
I am so glad that I came by to read this!
Well Done!
SweetLinda
Comment Written 30-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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Sweet Linda
I too am glad that you decided to read it and that you enjoyed it. It was an easy going story that just sort of carried me along while I wrote it. Thanks you for stopping and enjoying. Carol
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My pleasure BeginAgain!
Comment from anabelle
This is a lovely story BeginAgain. It rings of truth and struggle, of pain and loss, and of undying love. The ending is fabulous, as is the whole story.
Thanks for the lovely read. Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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This is a lovely story BeginAgain. It rings of truth and struggle, of pain and loss, and of undying love. The ending is fabulous, as is the whole story.
Thanks for the lovely read. Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 30-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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Anabelle
I am so glad that you enjoyed it. I have not written in that time frame before so I hope that the dialect and the life style came across okay. Thanks so much. CArol
Comment from fayesh
I thought you told the story well, but the story still had the feel of "slave conditions" in the life of Tania. The "crumbs" you offered her were still meager in comparison to the life she could have if she had any sense of self at all. Tania is still enslaved by her family's past. Familiarity with the owners still makes her a servant with modified "perks."
Some structural suggestions:
1. "other than (schooling), they didn't know any place else. s/b school (a place)
2."The sun was (lowering) quickly now," s/b setting
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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I thought you told the story well, but the story still had the feel of "slave conditions" in the life of Tania. The "crumbs" you offered her were still meager in comparison to the life she could have if she had any sense of self at all. Tania is still enslaved by her family's past. Familiarity with the owners still makes her a servant with modified "perks."
Some structural suggestions:
1. "other than (schooling), they didn't know any place else. s/b school (a place)
2."The sun was (lowering) quickly now," s/b setting
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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Fayesh
I chose the particular words because of the period of time I was representing...that was their dialect. This is a story taking place in the south not long after slavery so she would not have been a modern day woman.
Thanks for the review. Carol
Comment from MariaMarsden
It's a beautiful story, not normally of the kind of genre that I am drawn to, but great all the same. I could see it almost as a kind of synopsis for a novel?
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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It's a beautiful story, not normally of the kind of genre that I am drawn to, but great all the same. I could see it almost as a kind of synopsis for a novel?
Comment Written 30-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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Maria
It is also not my normal way of writing. The story just seemed to happen. Thanks so much for the kind review. Carol
Comment from Mischief's Momma
This is lovely Carol.
I was wondering whether it was a sprain, or maybe even appendicitis and Betsy would save the day by getting help - but I wasn't sure until I read about the bell that it might be a baby.
Great job, a very enjoyable read. All the best for the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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This is lovely Carol.
I was wondering whether it was a sprain, or maybe even appendicitis and Betsy would save the day by getting help - but I wasn't sure until I read about the bell that it might be a baby.
Great job, a very enjoyable read. All the best for the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 30-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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Sharon
I am so pleased that you enjoyed this. A few didn't understand the dialect and thought I made her with little self esteem. It was the south, shortly after slavery, but fi enjoyed writing it so it is what it is.
Thanks for the kind review. Carol
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Well I live in the Deep South - so it probably all sounded normal to me :)
Comment from Arturo Palavicini
Beautiful Story.
I love the way you create atmosphere. Involving all senses. It's a beauty.
Congratulations as always Begin Again.
Arturo Palavicini
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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Beautiful Story.
I love the way you create atmosphere. Involving all senses. It's a beauty.
Congratulations as always Begin Again.
Arturo Palavicini
Comment Written 30-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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Arturo
I am glad to see you read my little story and enjoyed it. Thank you for the kind comments. Carol
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Begin Again ....
Generally speaking, this is well written and I enjoyed
your very gentle story. I have given you 5 stars, trusting that you will consider the few changes indicated ...
* You have - and wash that dirt off you in the stream ...
I suggest - and wash off that dirt in the stream ...
* You have - I just stretched a little too far, is all.
This should be - a little too far - that is all. OR ...
a little too far - that's all.
* You have - Take some flowers to Granny and spend a little time. I suggest - I'll take some flowers to Granny and spend a little time up there.
* You have - even after she passed .... this should be - even after she passed away ...
* You have - so I better get back ... this should be -
so I had better get back ...
As it is a Contest entry, I wish you well and thank you for sharing this with us.
With love from ..... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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Hullo Begin Again ....
Generally speaking, this is well written and I enjoyed
your very gentle story. I have given you 5 stars, trusting that you will consider the few changes indicated ...
* You have - and wash that dirt off you in the stream ...
I suggest - and wash off that dirt in the stream ...
* You have - I just stretched a little too far, is all.
This should be - a little too far - that is all. OR ...
a little too far - that's all.
* You have - Take some flowers to Granny and spend a little time. I suggest - I'll take some flowers to Granny and spend a little time up there.
* You have - even after she passed .... this should be - even after she passed away ...
* You have - so I better get back ... this should be -
so I had better get back ...
As it is a Contest entry, I wish you well and thank you for sharing this with us.
With love from ..... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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Nanette
The misuse of dialect was intentional, showing the young girl and her lack of proper education. I appreciate your comments and the review. Carol
Comment from MJMuraco
What a sweet and touching story. Tania sounds like a wonderful, giving, hardworking woman and you used great descriptive imagery to portrait her. Nice job on this lovely story.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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What a sweet and touching story. Tania sounds like a wonderful, giving, hardworking woman and you used great descriptive imagery to portrait her. Nice job on this lovely story.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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MJMuraco
I am pleased that you enjoyed the story. It was fun to write too. Thanks for the kind review. Carol
