Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Chapter 3 Part 1"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
38 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
i am glad i have read the future posts and realize that leya is a virgin but i want to know why she's acting this way. getting ready to read the next part and find out
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2010
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i am glad i have read the future posts and realize that leya is a virgin but i want to know why she's acting this way. getting ready to read the next part and find out
Comment Written 23-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2010
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Thank you for following up on all of this.
Comment from Summer Falls
Ohhh, I just cannot decide if I like Leya or not. First I don't then I do. Hmmm. I see she is not playing fair. lol. Well, you did a fine job of showing how a woman can make a man forget his name. lol...that bra and thong has worked wonders. OH, man, I have a feeling these two will create a bed of flames.
Leya did seem shook up about the poor guy with the heroin forced into his system. Maybe she can be trusted after all. See? There I go again!
Good writing in this chapter, I didn't see any spag at all.
Summer
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2009
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Ohhh, I just cannot decide if I like Leya or not. First I don't then I do. Hmmm. I see she is not playing fair. lol. Well, you did a fine job of showing how a woman can make a man forget his name. lol...that bra and thong has worked wonders. OH, man, I have a feeling these two will create a bed of flames.
Leya did seem shook up about the poor guy with the heroin forced into his system. Maybe she can be trusted after all. See? There I go again!
Good writing in this chapter, I didn't see any spag at all.
Summer
Comment Written 06-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2009
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Thank you. Leya will reveal as soon as I get enough point to post, her plan for Steven.
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lol, no prob! I love this book, Barbara!
Comment from Domino
Hi, Barbara. As you were so kind to review my 2 center, I thought I'd pop by even though you know I rarely review prose.
I'm impressed with the way you use so many 'action speech tags' to create extra vision.
I found it well written and interesting (also not too long which is a bonus for me, LOL).
My one suggestion would be to find an alternate word for 'butt' - you also repeat it!. It's a word which would be used in dialogue, but I don't think it suitable for narration (unless a subject is narrating it.
Mind you, I'm sure no expert, and you show real talent, IMHO.
Best wishes, ray xx
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2009
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Hi, Barbara. As you were so kind to review my 2 center, I thought I'd pop by even though you know I rarely review prose.
I'm impressed with the way you use so many 'action speech tags' to create extra vision.
I found it well written and interesting (also not too long which is a bonus for me, LOL).
My one suggestion would be to find an alternate word for 'butt' - you also repeat it!. It's a word which would be used in dialogue, but I don't think it suitable for narration (unless a subject is narrating it.
Mind you, I'm sure no expert, and you show real talent, IMHO.
Best wishes, ray xx
Comment Written 03-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2009
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I am so happy you reviewed one of my post and I will correct my use of butt. I try not to make my posts very long, so more people will read them. I am a little shocked a manly man would review a romance novel. Did you really make it to the end?????
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It's not my choice of style, Barbara; I just wanted to review you for a change. I think I told you that I'm not a reader and have only read max 6 books in my life. I can't remember the titles either. xx
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Thank you for gracing me with your time and energy. I appreciate it.
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Hey, Barbara.
There's no 'grace' about me. I have loadsa time and not much energy.
You're a friend and it's a pleasure.
ray xx
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I see grace. So don't argue with me. You'll lose. I'm a female.
Comment from Nicnac
Well, she can't have him. LOL He's mind!
Wowsie, things are getting hot. lol
Nice imagery in this steamy chapter!
I can't wait till Steven takes HIS clothes off.
Suggestions:
The reasons Steven counted (why he didn't trust Leya) should be italicized - internal thoughts. ;)
He needed to put an end to this seduction (change 'this' to 'her' to eliminate the passive voice)
before he thought, <--The italicized words already show that it is his thoughts, so this is repetitive.
Hurry up and get Steven out of those clothes, Barbara!
Nic
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2009
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Well, she can't have him. LOL He's mind!
Wowsie, things are getting hot. lol
Nice imagery in this steamy chapter!
I can't wait till Steven takes HIS clothes off.
Suggestions:
The reasons Steven counted (why he didn't trust Leya) should be italicized - internal thoughts. ;)
He needed to put an end to this seduction (change 'this' to 'her' to eliminate the passive voice)
before he thought, <--The italicized words already show that it is his thoughts, so this is repetitive.
Hurry up and get Steven out of those clothes, Barbara!
Nic
Comment Written 03-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2009
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It will be awhile before Steven gives up his clothes, but will come.
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dangit!
Comment from eliz100
Your chapter is well-written as usual without an SPAG's. You painted a powerful picture with your words. I could visualize the seduction scene. I look forward to see what happens next.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2009
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Your chapter is well-written as usual without an SPAG's. You painted a powerful picture with your words. I could visualize the seduction scene. I look forward to see what happens next.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your continued support.
Comment from ladybird
A well written chapter. Leyla's seduction was sexy without being vulgar. Still can't figure out that she is after, Lol. Each chapter gets more interesting.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2009
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A well written chapter. Leyla's seduction was sexy without being vulgar. Still can't figure out that she is after, Lol. Each chapter gets more interesting.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2009
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In my next post I will reveal Leya's motives. You will be surprised, I hope. Thank you.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Mengleoh67
Wow another interesting chapter. I really just can't get a handle on Leya; one chapter I think I like her and then suddenly I'm back to not trusting her. The storyline is keeping a good even pace; the chapters are a little short, but that may just be because I'm not used to them being broken down into parts.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2009
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Wow another interesting chapter. I really just can't get a handle on Leya; one chapter I think I like her and then suddenly I'm back to not trusting her. The storyline is keeping a good even pace; the chapters are a little short, but that may just be because I'm not used to them being broken down into parts.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2009
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This is where I want my readers to be at this point, this is where Steven is with her, "I think I like her and then suddenly I'm back to not trusting her." I try to keep the chapters short so I get more reviews, so I can get a good selection of what my readers like and don't like, so I someday get published. My manuscript chapters run no shorter than 15 pages and no longer than 22 pages. I try to post between 750 and 1200 words, depending where a good cut off is for a hook.
Comment from Gary D. Hardy
I just spend nine years in a household of women. They loved romance novels. when your a reader, you tend to read what ever is around. Long Good job! story short, I learned to like a good romance. Do you plan to publish this? If so when. Can I get a reserve copy. Because if the previous chapters are this good, I want to buy the book.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2009
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I just spend nine years in a household of women. They loved romance novels. when your a reader, you tend to read what ever is around. Long Good job! story short, I learned to like a good romance. Do you plan to publish this? If so when. Can I get a reserve copy. Because if the previous chapters are this good, I want to buy the book.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2009
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I would love to publish it. If anyone would pick it up. I am hopeful.
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Keep after it. I think you are very good. Best wishes for you.
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You are quite welcome, it is well deserved. sorry about the word scramble in my review, my keyboard doesn't cooperate sometimes. But like I said, you are that good, in my opinion. Write on!!
Comment from Queenise
You have a good story. The flow is smooth and the characters are very believable. The content is very interesting and is easy to read. It is one that keep
you wanting to know more. Peace. Queenise.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2009
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You have a good story. The flow is smooth and the characters are very believable. The content is very interesting and is easy to read. It is one that keep
you wanting to know more. Peace. Queenise.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from TillMcCauley
Wow steamy chapter hehe. I enjoyed reading this one as well. I think your characters are great and believable. I think it is also well written. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2009
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Wow steamy chapter hehe. I enjoyed reading this one as well. I think your characters are great and believable. I think it is also well written. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
