Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Chapter 2 Part 3"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
36 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good flow, good imagination, good clean reading with just a few cuss words thrown in. i am still enjoying this fun story
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2010
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this is very well written with good flow, good imagination, good clean reading with just a few cuss words thrown in. i am still enjoying this fun story
Comment Written 23-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2010
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Great. You have to be my biggest fan.
Comment from Helen Tan
Thought I would pop in for a read. After all we are now classmates, thanks to jada!
Easy going chapter and I didn't notice any SPAG. I think it must be tough to be the bodyguard of someone as hot as Leya...great distraction.
"Men, space yourselves up and down this aisle."
An alternative to look at, ""Men, space yourselves along this aisle."
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2009
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Thought I would pop in for a read. After all we are now classmates, thanks to jada!
Easy going chapter and I didn't notice any SPAG. I think it must be tough to be the bodyguard of someone as hot as Leya...great distraction.
"Men, space yourselves up and down this aisle."
An alternative to look at, ""Men, space yourselves along this aisle."
Comment Written 20-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2009
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I like the along. Thank you for the help
Comment from Nicnac
The lump in his jeans? LOL What evah might you mean, Barb? haha That cracked me up.
I like the tension between Steven and Leya. LOL
Oh, I must tell you - I am over Jac. I'll still help you with our covert operation... on one condition. I can have Steven. Deal?
Nic
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2009
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The lump in his jeans? LOL What evah might you mean, Barb? haha That cracked me up.
I like the tension between Steven and Leya. LOL
Oh, I must tell you - I am over Jac. I'll still help you with our covert operation... on one condition. I can have Steven. Deal?
Nic
Comment Written 19-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2009
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Deal, but you might have some competition. I've had two reviewers ask for his phone number.
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Of course, you didn't give it to them!! Me Me Me - only ME!
Comment from darkgreennights
Jeepers Barbara! Leya is one direct girl! How come he said that about her being a black widow? I thought she was one of the good guys but...ooops lol I'll read the book. And keep my eye on Steven!
hugs
kathleen
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2009
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Jeepers Barbara! Leya is one direct girl! How come he said that about her being a black widow? I thought she was one of the good guys but...ooops lol I'll read the book. And keep my eye on Steven!
hugs
kathleen
Comment Written 19-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2009
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Sounds like a good idea. She is sorta of good, but she is a drug lord princess. Keep that in mind. Yea, Steven's where it's at.
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well since I get jealous lol, I wont get attached to her!
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Well, Steven is a really special guy. Leya is a hot little number will cause Steven more than one problem
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and I'll be reading it lol
Comment from mnk202
You can tell there was alot of time taken to get this story together. It was also put very respectfully and wonderfully the way to show that Steven cares for Leya and the way he watches out for her. The wording and sentences were very well put together. I hope that you write much more I am looking forward to your future writings. Writing is alot of fun I enjoy it greatly. I had alot of fun with your story and enjoyed it very much.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2009
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You can tell there was alot of time taken to get this story together. It was also put very respectfully and wonderfully the way to show that Steven cares for Leya and the way he watches out for her. The wording and sentences were very well put together. I hope that you write much more I am looking forward to your future writings. Writing is alot of fun I enjoy it greatly. I had alot of fun with your story and enjoyed it very much.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from Razz
Very nicely written. Good movement and nicely developed characters. Dialogue moves the story very well.
Interesting. I like it.
Thanks for this piect.
Have a magical day.
Razz
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2009
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Very nicely written. Good movement and nicely developed characters. Dialogue moves the story very well.
Interesting. I like it.
Thanks for this piect.
Have a magical day.
Razz
Comment Written 19-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Joan E.
I think the use of Spanish now and then adds to the authenticity of your work, as does your attention to details like the "butterfly tattoo." Steven's repeated rubbing of his neck also tells the reader something about his reaction to Leya!
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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I think the use of Spanish now and then adds to the authenticity of your work, as does your attention to details like the "butterfly tattoo." Steven's repeated rubbing of his neck also tells the reader something about his reaction to Leya!
Comment Written 18-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from eliz100
This is well-written and without SPAG's. The sexual tension keeps it interesting. It is a little short so I do not have anything else to say.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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This is well-written and without SPAG's. The sexual tension keeps it interesting. It is a little short so I do not have anything else to say.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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Thank you I appreciate your review
Comment from wierdgrace
I agree, the way you help with the words is awesome, and I loved the story as well, this is great, not because I always love the characters, and the format of your chapters, but you writing is smooth, and easy for us to read.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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I agree, the way you help with the words is awesome, and I loved the story as well, this is great, not because I always love the characters, and the format of your chapters, but you writing is smooth, and easy for us to read.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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Thank you for our review.
Comment from Shane Marquardt
Good chapter. I like the dynamic playing out between our main character and "the black widow."
I left a few suggestions below.
"team members, Michael Miles, Bob Hendricks, Derek Holmes, and Jim Bookman." (be careful about listing names in chunks. Most readers won't remember the names and it slows the flow. Mention them when they have importance to the story)
"The waistband of her denim skirt puckered at the small of her back revealing the top of butterfly wings perching on the light blue thong now visible." (great job of description. Let me also mention, I believe the man's body language does more to convey what he is thinking than whispering. The line of work he is in, he probably wouldn't do much whispering to himself anyway)
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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Good chapter. I like the dynamic playing out between our main character and "the black widow."
I left a few suggestions below.
"team members, Michael Miles, Bob Hendricks, Derek Holmes, and Jim Bookman." (be careful about listing names in chunks. Most readers won't remember the names and it slows the flow. Mention them when they have importance to the story)
"The waistband of her denim skirt puckered at the small of her back revealing the top of butterfly wings perching on the light blue thong now visible." (great job of description. Let me also mention, I believe the man's body language does more to convey what he is thinking than whispering. The line of work he is in, he probably wouldn't do much whispering to himself anyway)
Comment Written 18-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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I got gigged earlier because I didn't list them. That reviewer wanted more information on them immediately. That's true, I'll relook at the whispering. Thank you
