Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Chapter 2 Part 2"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
48 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
hey it's me again. running out of things to say here, just wish i could read without rating and i just figured out i can but decided to review them anyway so i can get the points. great job here
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2010
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hey it's me again. running out of things to say here, just wish i could read without rating and i just figured out i can but decided to review them anyway so i can get the points. great job here
Comment Written 23-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2010
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Sorry you are only getting the minimum points.
Comment from eliz100
This is a well-written chapter without any SPAG's. Your transitions are smooth. The translations are good right next to each other, it helps with the flow.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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This is a well-written chapter without any SPAG's. Your transitions are smooth. The translations are good right next to each other, it helps with the flow.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from samuelbrody
Barbara... Hello. For some reason, this is the first chapter of the book I've reviewed. Oh, well. It's most excellent. Great narrative. Perfect dialogue. Your characters are so very real. I attribute a lot of that to their dialogue being natural and flowing. Good job. Good book. Michael.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
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Barbara... Hello. For some reason, this is the first chapter of the book I've reviewed. Oh, well. It's most excellent. Great narrative. Perfect dialogue. Your characters are so very real. I attribute a lot of that to their dialogue being natural and flowing. Good job. Good book. Michael.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
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Thank you!!!!!
Comment from nor84
We were seeing the scene through Dani's eyes, but there's a sudden shift to Matt in there(unless I'm mistaken, and Matt whispered to Dani.)
wheelchair is one word
Good job with this one.
You did just fine with the translation when you said 'remember' in italics.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
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We were seeing the scene through Dani's eyes, but there's a sudden shift to Matt in there(unless I'm mistaken, and Matt whispered to Dani.)
wheelchair is one word
Good job with this one.
You did just fine with the translation when you said 'remember' in italics.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I will fix wheelchair. I always appreciate your reviewing. Thank you
Comment from bc1yax
most enjoyable chapter - so now they need to get her away and to a palce that is safe - Steven got a hard time ahead -
-- your story was very smooth like hot butter on pancakes - it just went down easy - no lumps or bump to slow the story down - your characters all felt alvie -
-- bc1yax/ Bill
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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most enjoyable chapter - so now they need to get her away and to a palce that is safe - Steven got a hard time ahead -
-- your story was very smooth like hot butter on pancakes - it just went down easy - no lumps or bump to slow the story down - your characters all felt alvie -
-- bc1yax/ Bill
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I look forward to hearing from you.
Comment from PrincessinPurple
I have read this story, it's a good story. I can follow what it going on. I have look to see if there is any correction and I do not find any.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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I have read this story, it's a good story. I can follow what it going on. I have look to see if there is any correction and I do not find any.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I'm thankful for your support.
Comment from Siren_116
I think the way you have the English translation of the Spanish words here is perfect. If you had them in the author's notes we would have to scroll up and down to translate. This way is very easily read.
I've not read the other chapters but this is very well written. I suppose I will wait untill it is in the stores to read the whole book :-)
Very well done!
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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I think the way you have the English translation of the Spanish words here is perfect. If you had them in the author's notes we would have to scroll up and down to translate. This way is very easily read.
I've not read the other chapters but this is very well written. I suppose I will wait untill it is in the stores to read the whole book :-)
Very well done!
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words. Thank you for the 6 stars. They mean a lot to me.
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You are so very welcome!
Comment from dportwood
Using foreign words in English writings is perfectly acceptable as long as the reader is not overwhelmed by them. Many writers use footnotes at the bottom of the page for translations. Perhaps you have already thought of this. Also many writings present foreign words in italics.
Just some thoughts.
Duane
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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Using foreign words in English writings is perfectly acceptable as long as the reader is not overwhelmed by them. Many writers use footnotes at the bottom of the page for translations. Perhaps you have already thought of this. Also many writings present foreign words in italics.
Just some thoughts.
Duane
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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I haven't figured out how to use itlalics on FS. McAfee won't let me download advanced editor here. I'm not great with computers. I have it italics in my Word manuscripted. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Donovan
I like this story. I think the characters have character...which is ultimately important. Reads well, as for the Spainish...have no clue...Taco Bell is my extent of such language.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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I like this story. I think the characters have character...which is ultimately important. Reads well, as for the Spainish...have no clue...Taco Bell is my extent of such language.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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I'm glad you can order at Taco Bell, I have a teenage who swears that's the best place to eat. Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from Louise Michelle
This was well written. I found the dialogue believable - just be careful to start a new paragraph when someone is 'speaking.'
Love the line about the infant burping.
Lou
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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This was well written. I found the dialogue believable - just be careful to start a new paragraph when someone is 'speaking.'
Love the line about the infant burping.
Lou
Comment Written 16-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2009
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I thought I did. Did I miss something? If so please tell me. Thank you for your review.
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Don't have your piece in front of me - just take a look - will be easy to spot. If I was in error, my apologies. I'm rushing today.
Lou
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I will recheck it, but no one else has commented on it.
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I will recheck it, but no one else has commented on it.
