Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Chapter 1 Part 3"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
48 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very good, you created characters that people want to meet and read about. i enjoyed the interaction between steven and leya--i like it when sparks fly between two characters
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2010
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this is very good, you created characters that people want to meet and read about. i enjoyed the interaction between steven and leya--i like it when sparks fly between two characters
Comment Written 23-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2010
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Leya and Steven have definite sparks.
Comment from maggieJo
Things are moving fast. I'm an avid reader and like results - you are delivering.
I admire your writing skill. My book is history of my sixty-five years of marriage to my husbnd. It doesn't have the thrill and excitement this book has - - - - ehanks be to God! Ha!
I'm beginning to look forward to your next chapter.
maggiejo.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009
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Things are moving fast. I'm an avid reader and like results - you are delivering.
I admire your writing skill. My book is history of my sixty-five years of marriage to my husbnd. It doesn't have the thrill and excitement this book has - - - - ehanks be to God! Ha!
I'm beginning to look forward to your next chapter.
maggiejo.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your continued support. If you husband gave you that much excite, could I meet him???? LOL
Comment from Laidy
I like that you incorporated Spanish into the mix. i liked that there was a show of intensity as the story continues in these chapters. there is never a dull moment.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
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I like that you incorporated Spanish into the mix. i liked that there was a show of intensity as the story continues in these chapters. there is never a dull moment.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from K-Patrick
I like the plot of how it is tying in with the other parts of the chapter, but again I think it lacks a bit of realism and needs a stronger emotional presence. It is better than the last emotionally only because, as professionals, once the "operation' began they would fall back on experience and training and hide the feelings.
"Yes, she's our only lead. Joe, go with Steven and Senorita Vegas. I'll stay with Dani." -- I think Matt would initially want to go get his daughter - remember he stayed at surveillance after the call Dani went into labor - he's a ground pounder and would want to be in on it. - Steven needs to talk him out of it with "it might be a trap" and "Dani needs you here".
"True." He removed the SIG Sauer 9mm from his shoulder holster, chambered a round, and replaced it. -- Cops don't carry a gun unless there is one in the chamber. Can't take the time to rack the slide at the start of a gun fight. Please consider something like: "True." He removed the SIG Sauer 9mm from his shoulder holster and checked the chamber for a round. Satisfied, he reholstered the weapon.
"Great! We're dealing with another stubborn female." -- too cliche' -- maybe like: "Great! Just what we need is to be dealing with stuck-up drug cartel princess."
They each chambered a round, -- lots of noise in the hallway - should have checked weapon status on the elevator after Leya mentioned the guards.
On the third raised finger, Steven opened the door and entered with Joe following. -- It was nice that he opened the door, he should have extended a hand and allowed Joe to enter first, you know common courtesy -- That was sarcasm, sorry couldn't resist. Have you ever known a cop to just open the door when they are entering a potentially hostile room. Naw. -- On the third raised finger, Steven threw open the door and rushed into the room with Joe at his back.
Sorry about the sarcasm. Sometimes I can't resist. I tried to show that the enormity of the situation wasn't being captured. Good story so far.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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I like the plot of how it is tying in with the other parts of the chapter, but again I think it lacks a bit of realism and needs a stronger emotional presence. It is better than the last emotionally only because, as professionals, once the "operation' began they would fall back on experience and training and hide the feelings.
"Yes, she's our only lead. Joe, go with Steven and Senorita Vegas. I'll stay with Dani." -- I think Matt would initially want to go get his daughter - remember he stayed at surveillance after the call Dani went into labor - he's a ground pounder and would want to be in on it. - Steven needs to talk him out of it with "it might be a trap" and "Dani needs you here".
"True." He removed the SIG Sauer 9mm from his shoulder holster, chambered a round, and replaced it. -- Cops don't carry a gun unless there is one in the chamber. Can't take the time to rack the slide at the start of a gun fight. Please consider something like: "True." He removed the SIG Sauer 9mm from his shoulder holster and checked the chamber for a round. Satisfied, he reholstered the weapon.
"Great! We're dealing with another stubborn female." -- too cliche' -- maybe like: "Great! Just what we need is to be dealing with stuck-up drug cartel princess."
They each chambered a round, -- lots of noise in the hallway - should have checked weapon status on the elevator after Leya mentioned the guards.
On the third raised finger, Steven opened the door and entered with Joe following. -- It was nice that he opened the door, he should have extended a hand and allowed Joe to enter first, you know common courtesy -- That was sarcasm, sorry couldn't resist. Have you ever known a cop to just open the door when they are entering a potentially hostile room. Naw. -- On the third raised finger, Steven threw open the door and rushed into the room with Joe at his back.
Sorry about the sarcasm. Sometimes I can't resist. I tried to show that the enormity of the situation wasn't being captured. Good story so far.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2009
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I like the idea of Matt wanting to get his child, but my problem is. I'm not sure he would ever leave Dani, or as a woman, I like the idea of knowing he was needed and not leaving. I need to ponder that one. In CID, my husband's weapon is always carried and if he chambers a round, he has to use it or not chamber around. This is a government agency so I'm guessing it's similar. The rest I'm on to.
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Our department if you carry it will be ready to use. We carry Glock .40s, no safety - don't draw unless you need to - don't put your finger on the trigger unless you are in the process of busting a cap.
Picture this. Vegas hitmen ambush a Task Force member. He's busy being shot at while he's trying to draw and chamber a round. Not good odds.
CID is a lot of desk time and interviews in a secure area. I would imagine that they chamber a round before they approach a residence to take someone in for questioning or detainment.
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Possibly. Brian, my husband, as a team chief or while a new agent spent a lot of time doing field work, undercover etc. He's been on mission to Colombia, but of course, we not involved there, the official word. The past few years, he's been a forensic science expert. He doesn't need his gun, they are already dead.
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True he shouldn't have to shoot dead people.
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"Dani need[s] you here. Let me go with Steven."
I think the chapter piece flows smoother with the edits and brings a more realistic emotional aspect to the scene.
Comment from Nicnac
Oh gosh, Barbara!
You can't leave me hanging like that, Dangit!! LOL
Wow.
Such suspense!
This chapter is fast and powerful.
I'd write more, but I gotta hurry to the next chapter and see what the heck is happening. LOL
Love it!
Nic
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2009
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Oh gosh, Barbara!
You can't leave me hanging like that, Dangit!! LOL
Wow.
Such suspense!
This chapter is fast and powerful.
I'd write more, but I gotta hurry to the next chapter and see what the heck is happening. LOL
Love it!
Nic
Comment Written 11-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I've missed your. Two women have asked for Steven's phone number. If your intersted, I'm doing a lottery.
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Oh, I'm SOOOO in! (Put my name in twice!) ;)
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
Great chapter.
Intriguing and exciting.
Good characterization
good balance of dialog, action, and description.
Good ending, makes we want to keep reading.
Enjoyable.
Kathryn
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009
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Great chapter.
Intriguing and exciting.
Good characterization
good balance of dialog, action, and description.
Good ending, makes we want to keep reading.
Enjoyable.
Kathryn
Comment Written 09-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from Donovan
This is a chapter that builds up suspense and leaves the reader wanting more. I like the way it reads. I thought the first paragraphs were not quite a smooth as the latter ones, but well done.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2009
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This is a chapter that builds up suspense and leaves the reader wanting more. I like the way it reads. I thought the first paragraphs were not quite a smooth as the latter ones, but well done.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words. The first paragraph often follows my last post. I divide my actual chapters up for the posts. I will work on making the transition smoother.
Comment from Paradox Tremors
Man, you left us hanging just as the scene intensified. Did they find the Child? Or did the brother remove the baby before they arrived? A great chapter, looking forward to the next.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2009
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Man, you left us hanging just as the scene intensified. Did they find the Child? Or did the brother remove the baby before they arrived? A great chapter, looking forward to the next.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from dihardest
Naturally, you capture and rivet your readers' attention with your opening. In particular I appreciate that you provide background description, where appropriate, as an aside without distracting in any way from the dialogue or plot advancement. The dialogue seems perfect for the situation, including the one touch of sarcastic humor. Your close is a soft promise that turning the page will be worth the reader's while.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2009
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Naturally, you capture and rivet your readers' attention with your opening. In particular I appreciate that you provide background description, where appropriate, as an aside without distracting in any way from the dialogue or plot advancement. The dialogue seems perfect for the situation, including the one touch of sarcastic humor. Your close is a soft promise that turning the page will be worth the reader's while.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from 1ilana
Ah! you had to leave me hanging on this chapter, didn't you?
Great job on the imagery and bringing the characters to life through dialogue.
Keep up the good work
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2009
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Ah! you had to leave me hanging on this chapter, didn't you?
Great job on the imagery and bringing the characters to life through dialogue.
Keep up the good work
Comment Written 09-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
