A Slow Learner
Why Don't They Leave?60 total reviews
Comment from Phil Kitom
A story that tells of the awful saga of abusive relationships and asks why would a woman stay with a partner who treats her that way. There are many women who will not budge and others who go but return, then there are some who make the break. But oh what a complex story this is. Well done for writing about it.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2009
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A story that tells of the awful saga of abusive relationships and asks why would a woman stay with a partner who treats her that way. There are many women who will not budge and others who go but return, then there are some who make the break. But oh what a complex story this is. Well done for writing about it.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review!
Hugs,
Jani
Comment from mmichelle97219
I have been there done that and i personally am going to keep my opinions on the subject to myself. I thought this is a smartly written essay. nice job.
Michelle
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2009
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I have been there done that and i personally am going to keep my opinions on the subject to myself. I thought this is a smartly written essay. nice job.
Michelle
Comment Written 04-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review!
Hugs,
Jani
Comment from Kristia
Hi,
Very well written and researched. It had a personal touch with out being too touchy feely. You gave facts and figures to back up your statements. Very good writing! Congratulations...you survived and thrived! Cheers
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2009
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Hi,
Very well written and researched. It had a personal touch with out being too touchy feely. You gave facts and figures to back up your statements. Very good writing! Congratulations...you survived and thrived! Cheers
Comment Written 04-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review!
Hugs,
Jani
Comment from Kingsland
this is a very bad problem in this world of ours. It seems that this is overlooked as a very bad problem in our society or more would be done to rectify this situation. I enjoyed reading this most informative essay. There is nothing for me to suggest for it.This was just a delight to have read and reviewed it... John
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2009
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this is a very bad problem in this world of ours. It seems that this is overlooked as a very bad problem in our society or more would be done to rectify this situation. I enjoyed reading this most informative essay. There is nothing for me to suggest for it.This was just a delight to have read and reviewed it... John
Comment Written 03-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2009
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Thank you, John.
Jani
Comment from Nescher Pyscher
if you know one hundred women, you know seven women being abused. - These kinds of blanket statments make me INSANE. Statistics in our modern era can be made to say anything we want them to, and it's used simply as emotional manipulation. It's not YOUR fault that this is a hot button issue with me, but you've gotten up my nose already. ;0) )
Within the last year, 7% of American women (3.9 million) who are married or living with someone as a couple were physically abused, and 37% (20.7 million) were verbally or emotionally abused by their spouse or partner. (The Commonwealth Fund, N.Y. 1991) - Thirty-seven percent OF ALL MARRIED WOMEN IN THE US WERE "emotionally abused"? Does that mean the same thing I think it does, or is that one spouse having a bad day and yelling and screaming at the other spouse, saying things they don't mean? )
Okay. I'm a dude, so I'm looking at this issue from the other side of the fence. Abuse of ANY kind is wrong. Period. Inexcusable and totally unacceptable. But you can't legislate morality and you can't live people's lives for them. You can only do with each victim one at at time, each abuser one at a time. If it were up to me, I'd drag the abuser - male OR female - out into the street and have them horse-whipped naked in front of the entire community each time he OR she put an abusing hand on a spouse or child. But I'd do the same thing for the people in MY experience who called wolf because they wanted to party and the spouse didn't. Or whatever.
Basically, I think it's too big of a problem to throw numbers and pat soultions at. I think we need to rewire basic human behaviors.
Good piece, Jani. Really made me think.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2009
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if you know one hundred women, you know seven women being abused. - These kinds of blanket statments make me INSANE. Statistics in our modern era can be made to say anything we want them to, and it's used simply as emotional manipulation. It's not YOUR fault that this is a hot button issue with me, but you've gotten up my nose already. ;0) )
Within the last year, 7% of American women (3.9 million) who are married or living with someone as a couple were physically abused, and 37% (20.7 million) were verbally or emotionally abused by their spouse or partner. (The Commonwealth Fund, N.Y. 1991) - Thirty-seven percent OF ALL MARRIED WOMEN IN THE US WERE "emotionally abused"? Does that mean the same thing I think it does, or is that one spouse having a bad day and yelling and screaming at the other spouse, saying things they don't mean? )
Okay. I'm a dude, so I'm looking at this issue from the other side of the fence. Abuse of ANY kind is wrong. Period. Inexcusable and totally unacceptable. But you can't legislate morality and you can't live people's lives for them. You can only do with each victim one at at time, each abuser one at a time. If it were up to me, I'd drag the abuser - male OR female - out into the street and have them horse-whipped naked in front of the entire community each time he OR she put an abusing hand on a spouse or child. But I'd do the same thing for the people in MY experience who called wolf because they wanted to party and the spouse didn't. Or whatever.
Basically, I think it's too big of a problem to throw numbers and pat soultions at. I think we need to rewire basic human behaviors.
Good piece, Jani. Really made me think.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2009
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Aww, Nescher. You missed the point. Neither men nor women should be abused by anyone. The point I was trying to make is that these women are not rare, and they are not slow learners. It is a pattern of behavior they are taught early on in life, usually by their parents, or by witnessing abuse.
In my experience, very few women cry wolf. In fact I would be willing to bet most women (and this goes for men, too) are so ashamed of the situation, they would deny it a thousand times before ever even admitting to being abused.
Don't ask me how I know.
Jani
Comment from PatriciaLiteHickman
Good title; necessary topic; interesting; thought provoking too; well written; good stats; no corrections! long but you sustained it and referenced it very well! good job!
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2009
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Good title; necessary topic; interesting; thought provoking too; well written; good stats; no corrections! long but you sustained it and referenced it very well! good job!
Comment Written 03-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much. :-)
Jani
Comment from colinlinder
wow that is certainly an eye-opening statistical piece. My parents ran a safe home for battered women when I was young and I remember how forlorn those women and their children were. It's a serious problem
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2009
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wow that is certainly an eye-opening statistical piece. My parents ran a safe home for battered women when I was young and I remember how forlorn those women and their children were. It's a serious problem
Comment Written 03-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for the review. Bless your parents for trying to help those women and children.
Hugs,
Jani
Comment from Nicky B
You come up with some good insight here on the battered wife syndrome. Self loathing in both the abused and abuser for me is main the cause for such a toxic union. You are right about getting counseling and unlocking the key to low self esteem and destructive emotional and mental patterns. Understanding is the key, not blind Judgment. God bless. Nick.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2009
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You come up with some good insight here on the battered wife syndrome. Self loathing in both the abused and abuser for me is main the cause for such a toxic union. You are right about getting counseling and unlocking the key to low self esteem and destructive emotional and mental patterns. Understanding is the key, not blind Judgment. God bless. Nick.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much, Nick. You are absolutely correct.
Jani
Comment from Little Arlana
Your story was well written and I respect your thoughts and views.
Just this past week, I've been dealing with a friend who is a woman in just that situation of an abusive relationship.
I respect your personal experience and thank you for your excellent research and detail.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2009
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Your story was well written and I respect your thoughts and views.
Just this past week, I've been dealing with a friend who is a woman in just that situation of an abusive relationship.
I respect your personal experience and thank you for your excellent research and detail.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for the great review.
Hugs,
Jani
Comment from tteach
Well done!
This deserves a 6...if only...
You provide tons of useful and informative information. You support the factual with an easy-to-read account of what it is like to be in an abusive relationship.
There was a time when I wanted to run away. I was a teenager in an abusive family. But...I never did. Where would I sleep? What would I eat? This was back in the 1960s, and I lived out in the country. Plus I was pretty naive.
Well done
terry
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2009
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Well done!
This deserves a 6...if only...
You provide tons of useful and informative information. You support the factual with an easy-to-read account of what it is like to be in an abusive relationship.
There was a time when I wanted to run away. I was a teenager in an abusive family. But...I never did. Where would I sleep? What would I eat? This was back in the 1960s, and I lived out in the country. Plus I was pretty naive.
Well done
terry
Comment Written 02-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2009
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Thank you, Terry. Knowing you felt it was worthy of six stars is good enough for me. :-) I'm so sorry to hear of your abusive family situation growing up. It is very difficult to heal from that, too.
Hugs,
Jani
