Romantic Moments
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Do You Feel This Moment"Poems of Love and Romance
4 total reviews
Comment from Ronni
Another gorgeous love poem; and my oh my this one
sure glided through the heartstrings and sentiments
like an invisible little cherubs carress. Your flow
here is with such loving overtones and reflections
it just makes on sigh with joy for the two beloved ones.
Great write again Larry, keep on keeping us sighing!
reply by the author on 18-May-2009
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Another gorgeous love poem; and my oh my this one
sure glided through the heartstrings and sentiments
like an invisible little cherubs carress. Your flow
here is with such loving overtones and reflections
it just makes on sigh with joy for the two beloved ones.
Great write again Larry, keep on keeping us sighing!
Comment Written 18-May-2009
reply by the author on 18-May-2009
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Well I will do the best I can, thanks again for another stirring review, have a great day.
Larry
Comment from Lady & Louis
Hello, Larry,
This one made me smile. It could almost be my man talking to me. I like the gentle affection and tenderness in it, and the simple, uncluttered presentation (the wording, I mean).
There were a couple of typos:
as your standing here with me? - you're (you are)
that brighten's up my world - brightens
Cheers and thanks for posting,
Louise
reply by the author on 18-May-2009
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Hello, Larry,
This one made me smile. It could almost be my man talking to me. I like the gentle affection and tenderness in it, and the simple, uncluttered presentation (the wording, I mean).
There were a couple of typos:
as your standing here with me? - you're (you are)
that brighten's up my world - brightens
Cheers and thanks for posting,
Louise
Comment Written 18-May-2009
reply by the author on 18-May-2009
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Thank you so mcuh for your kind words and also for your corrections. I took care of those two things right away, it was much appreciated, take care and have a great day.
Larry
Comment from anniela19
This is a nice tribute poem to someone that you love, however there are quite a few spelling and grammatical errors that distract. I have made edits to the poem below:
As you look so deep
into the sunset skies
do you see the same beauty
that I see in your eyes?
Do you feel my gentle touches
going through your soft hair?
Do you feel the warm breeze
flowing through the night air?
Do you believe that this moment
is truly meant to be
and that all feels so right
as your standing here with me?
For now I truly know,
you're my very special girl
with a love in your heart
that brightens up my world.
So may I just say
as we stand here together,
I want you always in my life
so I can hold you forever.
I added commas and question marks where necessary, and corrected spelling.
I think that this poem is not fully showing your creative energy... what does the brightness of her heart remind you of? Aurora Borealis? Describe the scene more - what colors are the sunset? - does it shine off her hair gleaming like ocean tumbled amber? Looking for simile and metaphor....
Make the poem unique - what is something special about HER? Does she like a particular color or animal or place? If so, maybe incorporate it in the poem - then it will all the more special because she will know it is especially for her and no one else. :)
reply by the author on 18-May-2009
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This is a nice tribute poem to someone that you love, however there are quite a few spelling and grammatical errors that distract. I have made edits to the poem below:
As you look so deep
into the sunset skies
do you see the same beauty
that I see in your eyes?
Do you feel my gentle touches
going through your soft hair?
Do you feel the warm breeze
flowing through the night air?
Do you believe that this moment
is truly meant to be
and that all feels so right
as your standing here with me?
For now I truly know,
you're my very special girl
with a love in your heart
that brightens up my world.
So may I just say
as we stand here together,
I want you always in my life
so I can hold you forever.
I added commas and question marks where necessary, and corrected spelling.
I think that this poem is not fully showing your creative energy... what does the brightness of her heart remind you of? Aurora Borealis? Describe the scene more - what colors are the sunset? - does it shine off her hair gleaming like ocean tumbled amber? Looking for simile and metaphor....
Make the poem unique - what is something special about HER? Does she like a particular color or animal or place? If so, maybe incorporate it in the poem - then it will all the more special because she will know it is especially for her and no one else. :)
Comment Written 18-May-2009
reply by the author on 18-May-2009
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I want to thank you for your comments and your corrections. I will let you know that I have made the corrections that you have pointed out. And also say that alot of the time my puncuation leaves little to be desired as I have always been sort of poor in that area.
I guess I should be glad in ways that most of the people reading my work love it for what it is and not if a comma or question mark is missing.
Don't get me wrong at all when I say that, I know that puncuation is important and in some cases can hurt a poem, so I do welcome anybody who can mention these things to me.
As for your other statement I would say that some of my romantic poetry tends to be a bit more generalize and not quite as specific as you would have liked to see. Describing certain things in detail would make me add maybe more to the poem then I really want to, to get the message across. Again not against detail in anything and at times it must be needed, but proberly for this one not as much.
Thank you so much for reviewing this, your corrections were helpful.
Larry
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Ok :) Its not that I didn
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t enjoy the poem... just that I thought some more detail would make it more personalized. Sorry pushed enter accidently earlier.
Comment from creativewriterUK
Well Larry, I just don't know how you do it, you certainly have a way with words. This is yet again a beautiful poem that flows well and has a lovely rhyming scheme. It rolls on from verse to verse like a river flows down a mountain-side. The picture fits perfectly. Great poem matey... Keith.
reply by the author on 18-May-2009
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Well Larry, I just don't know how you do it, you certainly have a way with words. This is yet again a beautiful poem that flows well and has a lovely rhyming scheme. It rolls on from verse to verse like a river flows down a mountain-side. The picture fits perfectly. Great poem matey... Keith.
Comment Written 18-May-2009
reply by the author on 18-May-2009
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Well having a way with words is a good thing I guess now if I can pay more attention to my puncuation I might be doing something right.
I know my poems have touched people evident by their great reviews I just really need to work a bit more on puncuation.
What are your thoughts on the importance of puncuation in poetry? I guess in some cases it could hurt a poem if it is over done but does every comma or semi-colon or even question mark have to be there to make the poem perfect?
Figured I would ask, I made some small puncuation changes to this poem based off of another reviewer. Thanks for everything.
Larry
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Hi Larry, I think we always have to remember that punctuation is there to enable us to say in words exactly what we want to express, so the reader gets the exact message the words are saying.
Does this help? Keith.
