The Prodigal Child
Contest entry - Free Verse44 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
My, you took on an extraordinary persona to be the observer of this lonely couple, with an uncaring child. Their grief and environment are palpable. Some of my favorite phrases are: "mottled blue bottle" reprised by the "reservoir" and "father grays slowly" and your bits of alliteration.
reply by the author on 05-May-2009
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My, you took on an extraordinary persona to be the observer of this lonely couple, with an uncaring child. Their grief and environment are palpable. Some of my favorite phrases are: "mottled blue bottle" reprised by the "reservoir" and "father grays slowly" and your bits of alliteration.
Comment Written 05-May-2009
reply by the author on 05-May-2009
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Thank you so much. They are mine too. LOL
Comment from Pen&Ink
Hello skye,
This is obviously an extremely heartfelt poem. My favorite lines follow.
"Bitterness etching his face the father grays slowly.
Rambling from chest to closet to bed the mother
touches a shoe, wipes a picture, smoothes the spread..."
You paint a very sad and poignant portrait.
Ray
reply by the author on 05-May-2009
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Hello skye,
This is obviously an extremely heartfelt poem. My favorite lines follow.
"Bitterness etching his face the father grays slowly.
Rambling from chest to closet to bed the mother
touches a shoe, wipes a picture, smoothes the spread..."
You paint a very sad and poignant portrait.
Ray
Comment Written 05-May-2009
reply by the author on 05-May-2009
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Thank you so much.
Comment from joan marie
They say now they come back. I don't think mine missed me. They kind of was glad. Didn't know where my dad lived for years. But this is a tearful metaphor for children leaving the nest. Great writing. joan marie
reply by the author on 05-May-2009
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They say now they come back. I don't think mine missed me. They kind of was glad. Didn't know where my dad lived for years. But this is a tearful metaphor for children leaving the nest. Great writing. joan marie
Comment Written 05-May-2009
reply by the author on 05-May-2009
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Thank you very much for this kind review.
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You're welcome, jm
Comment from Amicus
Skye, I really enjoyed the originality and beauty of this free form parenting poem. Since all parenting is not effective and all children don't grow up wise and full of gratitude and in touch with their loving parents, you add a bit of needed reality to the contest entries I have thus far read! I like the way you use the Biblical Prodigal Son tale as backdrop to this poem and think your last line is a really great touch. Details you present are very effective in conveying the sadness of these "left behind" parents still waiting for their daughter to return to them. Whatever the story between the lines, the reader knows it is a bitter-sweet one.
Great job.
reply by the author on 05-May-2009
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Skye, I really enjoyed the originality and beauty of this free form parenting poem. Since all parenting is not effective and all children don't grow up wise and full of gratitude and in touch with their loving parents, you add a bit of needed reality to the contest entries I have thus far read! I like the way you use the Biblical Prodigal Son tale as backdrop to this poem and think your last line is a really great touch. Details you present are very effective in conveying the sadness of these "left behind" parents still waiting for their daughter to return to them. Whatever the story between the lines, the reader knows it is a bitter-sweet one.
Great job.
Comment Written 05-May-2009
reply by the author on 05-May-2009
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Thank you very much for this kind review. You got it just right.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A poweful piece of free verse,
so full of emotion. Your words
made me feel the anguish of
the parents, the despair, but
never giving up hope
As a mother, I'm thankful I've
never had to go through this.
An ideal entry, Skye -- good luck to you.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 05-May-2009
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A poweful piece of free verse,
so full of emotion. Your words
made me feel the anguish of
the parents, the despair, but
never giving up hope
As a mother, I'm thankful I've
never had to go through this.
An ideal entry, Skye -- good luck to you.
Margaret.
Comment Written 05-May-2009
reply by the author on 05-May-2009
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Thank you very much for this kind review.
Comment from Phil Kitom
A poem that cries out for the prodigal to return. Their loved ones old and withered by the sands of time. Expectant, hopeful that one door the calf in the freezer can be defrosted and placed at the head of the table in celebration of reunion. A very effective poem.
reply by the author on 05-May-2009
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A poem that cries out for the prodigal to return. Their loved ones old and withered by the sands of time. Expectant, hopeful that one door the calf in the freezer can be defrosted and placed at the head of the table in celebration of reunion. A very effective poem.
Comment Written 05-May-2009
reply by the author on 05-May-2009
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Thank you very much for this kind review.
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youre welcome
Comment from L K Pinaire
This was really good. Nice work. The imagery here was excellent and the words flowed smoothly. I enjoyed this very much. Best of luck to you.
Good writing,
Larry
reply by the author on 05-May-2009
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This was really good. Nice work. The imagery here was excellent and the words flowed smoothly. I enjoyed this very much. Best of luck to you.
Good writing,
Larry
Comment Written 05-May-2009
reply by the author on 05-May-2009
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Thank you very much for this kind review.
Comment from photopoet
I'm not getting a connection with the word prodigal and what has been written. The poem bespeaks of a great tragedy that is not defined. My mind goes to a death of the girl child and the Dickensian image of leaving everything just the way it was at the time of the death. The mother and father are so devastated that it has been years ago and they still grieve deeply. But how does the prodigal concept fit in? Maybe I'm too close to Webster's and not the Bible.
Otherwise, your free verse is very well done and strongly conveys the image.
reply by the author on 05-May-2009
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I'm not getting a connection with the word prodigal and what has been written. The poem bespeaks of a great tragedy that is not defined. My mind goes to a death of the girl child and the Dickensian image of leaving everything just the way it was at the time of the death. The mother and father are so devastated that it has been years ago and they still grieve deeply. But how does the prodigal concept fit in? Maybe I'm too close to Webster's and not the Bible.
Otherwise, your free verse is very well done and strongly conveys the image.
Comment Written 05-May-2009
reply by the author on 05-May-2009
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The prodigal child is a parable in the Bible. The child took his inheritance and squandered it. When he returned home, his father killed the fatted calf, gave him a new robe, a ring, and welcomed his return. This is the basis for the poem.. the loss, the longing, the hoped for return. The prodigal child is still dancing.
Thanks for the insight and great review.
Comment from Comanche
Quite a nice poem, well constructed and well executed. The topic is very good.... And the subtle series of crushed hopes makes it real. Very nice line: "Rambling from chest to closet to bed the mother touches a shoe, wipes a picture, smoothes the spread." Good work...
reply by the author on 05-May-2009
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Quite a nice poem, well constructed and well executed. The topic is very good.... And the subtle series of crushed hopes makes it real. Very nice line: "Rambling from chest to closet to bed the mother touches a shoe, wipes a picture, smoothes the spread." Good work...
Comment Written 05-May-2009
reply by the author on 05-May-2009
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Gemma Perkins
an interesting take on the sotry of the prodigal child. this would probably be a good guess at what goes on in his abscence. I liked the overall theme but something about ti didnt quite feel right. the enjambement made some of the lines a little funny to read, and its quite an emotionally dettached piece which im not sure quite fits the story. but maybe theyre more personal suggestions than poetic ones. overall a nice piece
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-May-2009
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an interesting take on the sotry of the prodigal child. this would probably be a good guess at what goes on in his abscence. I liked the overall theme but something about ti didnt quite feel right. the enjambement made some of the lines a little funny to read, and its quite an emotionally dettached piece which im not sure quite fits the story. but maybe theyre more personal suggestions than poetic ones. overall a nice piece
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-May-2009
reply by the author on 05-May-2009
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Thank you.
