The Sparrow And The Savior
For the least of these, He cares. This is for you.64 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
Your vivid words are very descriptive, which makes for very good story-telling:
time it takes to chirp; spinning bundle of feathers; tarries.
The parallel stories are very effective, as is your poem at the end to sum up. I think this whole work could be a church sermon.
I found the note about Jewish children fascinating.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2008
  |
Your vivid words are very descriptive, which makes for very good story-telling:
time it takes to chirp; spinning bundle of feathers; tarries.
The parallel stories are very effective, as is your poem at the end to sum up. I think this whole work could be a church sermon.
I found the note about Jewish children fascinating.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2008
-
Thank you so much, Joan. I am so glad you enjoyed this one.
Jan
Comment from hyway94
Here I go again, trying to find something wrong. But as the man says, everything is right. You have a good one here and I couldn't find any spag. And the flow was just great.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2008
|
Here I go again, trying to find something wrong. But as the man says, everything is right. You have a good one here and I couldn't find any spag. And the flow was just great.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2008
-
Thank you so much. I do appreciate your kind words.
Jan
Comment from Lady Helen
I woke this morning feeling very unwell and not happy with myself, then i read your work, what have I to complain about I thought, there are so many people in this world who would not have had chance to sleep because of fears that they or their loved ones will be killed through war, stravation and sickness. There are children lost and displaced because of mens greed and selfishness. You do not need to change anything, I have a smile on my face and even the pain in my knee seems to been lifted.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2008
 |
I woke this morning feeling very unwell and not happy with myself, then i read your work, what have I to complain about I thought, there are so many people in this world who would not have had chance to sleep because of fears that they or their loved ones will be killed through war, stravation and sickness. There are children lost and displaced because of mens greed and selfishness. You do not need to change anything, I have a smile on my face and even the pain in my knee seems to been lifted.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2008
-
Bless your heart. Your review brings tears to my eyes. The reason is this - I almost didn't re-promote this, and then, I felt a gentle voice telling me there was someone who needed to read it, and would be blessed by the words. He loves you.
The six stars is a wonderful compliment. That these words helped brighten your day is like looking out at the sky on on clear night and seeing thousands.
Hugs,
Jan
Comment from Merry Peace
Hi
I love the folloing message .it is the great thing you have delivered ... it is like a balm on the wounds given by extreme worries in this world . only way to relief is love to God .and pray to Him.....I appreciate your work ..it is excellent subject and very strong appealing .....you did well done .
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2008
|
Hi
I love the folloing message .it is the great thing you have delivered ... it is like a balm on the wounds given by extreme worries in this world . only way to relief is love to God .and pray to Him.....I appreciate your work ..it is excellent subject and very strong appealing .....you did well done .
Comment Written 04-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2008
-
Thank you so much. I do so appreciate your kind words.
Jan
Comment from O Randell
This was very moving. I like the analogies between nature and humanity. This reminds me a little of a book I read years ago called "Hinds Feet in High Places." The last part of the story is a little unclear. Is the boy going to live, or not? I think the message of hope works either way. Personally, I would prefer that the mother be thankful for the peace in dealing with the child's death, but there is nothing wrong in leaving it a question. Beautiful writing. I like the structure.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2008
|
This was very moving. I like the analogies between nature and humanity. This reminds me a little of a book I read years ago called "Hinds Feet in High Places." The last part of the story is a little unclear. Is the boy going to live, or not? I think the message of hope works either way. Personally, I would prefer that the mother be thankful for the peace in dealing with the child's death, but there is nothing wrong in leaving it a question. Beautiful writing. I like the structure.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2008
-
I left it open on purpose. I don't know whether he lived or died. I wanted the reader to focus on the love He wraps us in, whichever way the story ends. Both endings happen all the time in real life.
I am thrilled to read your kind words.
Thank you.
Jan
Comment from JeffreyStone
All of God's creatures. If he saves the sparrow, what will he do for you? This testament to your faith is so well written that it will require me to reexamine my own writing efforts. In this contest, I am honored to that my writing will be considered along with yours. Simply wonderful. Best Regards, Jeffrey Stone
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2008
|
All of God's creatures. If he saves the sparrow, what will he do for you? This testament to your faith is so well written that it will require me to reexamine my own writing efforts. In this contest, I am honored to that my writing will be considered along with yours. Simply wonderful. Best Regards, Jeffrey Stone
Comment Written 04-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2008
-
Thank you so much, Jeffrey. Bless your heart for such kind words.
Jan
Comment from rama devi
Six stars, If I had them. I can see why this is nominated for POM. This is inspirational and makes the eyes moist with compassion and gratitude.
The devotional undertone makes this a highly effective spiritual story. I find nothing to tweak in the text, but in the layout there is just this one tiny flaws:
"He feels your pain.
He knows your needs.
You're never alone, not ever."
there is an extra space before the third line above, unless it is intentional. But since all the other lines are justified to the left, I think this one should be as well.
I love how this weaves together a variety of savior stories into a tapestry of inspired truth of divine all-pervading grace.
Bravo and best of luck in the contest.
Warm regards,
rama devi
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2008
|
Six stars, If I had them. I can see why this is nominated for POM. This is inspirational and makes the eyes moist with compassion and gratitude.
The devotional undertone makes this a highly effective spiritual story. I find nothing to tweak in the text, but in the layout there is just this one tiny flaws:
"He feels your pain.
He knows your needs.
You're never alone, not ever."
there is an extra space before the third line above, unless it is intentional. But since all the other lines are justified to the left, I think this one should be as well.
I love how this weaves together a variety of savior stories into a tapestry of inspired truth of divine all-pervading grace.
Bravo and best of luck in the contest.
Warm regards,
rama devi
Comment Written 04-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2008
-
Thank you so much, Rama. That was not intentional and I have just now, gone in and corrected it. I am so glad you enjoyed this story.
Jan
Comment from WordPainter
Janilou,
Those who have experienced what you've written about will relate to this immediately. I cried all the way through. Your subject is the Greatest and you have written so well this story of how he loves us. Those who have not experienced him will not comprehend. But that doesn't change a thing for us. He still is. Thank you for proclaiming Him in such a beautiful way! I don't have any more 6's left or I would have given you one!
WordPainter (Lois)
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2008
|
Janilou,
Those who have experienced what you've written about will relate to this immediately. I cried all the way through. Your subject is the Greatest and you have written so well this story of how he loves us. Those who have not experienced him will not comprehend. But that doesn't change a thing for us. He still is. Thank you for proclaiming Him in such a beautiful way! I don't have any more 6's left or I would have given you one!
WordPainter (Lois)
Comment Written 03-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2008
-
Thank you so much for this wonderful review. Knowing you wanted to give this six stars is enough for me.
Hugs,
Jan
-
You're welcome and God bless you!
Lois
Comment from zeezeewriter
You've written a very lovely tale of Gods love to all creatures. It is uplifting and inspirational. I found no spaggies, and wish you the best of luck in the contest with this most worthy entry. ZeeZee
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2008
|
You've written a very lovely tale of Gods love to all creatures. It is uplifting and inspirational. I found no spaggies, and wish you the best of luck in the contest with this most worthy entry. ZeeZee
Comment Written 03-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2008
-
Thank you so much. You have a wonderful entry too! :-) So glad you enjoyed this one.
Hugs,
Jan
Comment from KYPollard/El Gato
Wonderfully written. Wonderful message. Wonderful Savior. I did not mind you preaching to the choir. Sometimes, the choir needs to remember too. Good job.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2008
|
Wonderfully written. Wonderful message. Wonderful Savior. I did not mind you preaching to the choir. Sometimes, the choir needs to remember too. Good job.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2008
-
Thank you so much. I agree, and that's why I do it. :-)
Hugs,
Jan
