Homeward Bound
Another pleasched poem15 total reviews
Comment from Allezw2
Lady SallyO,
Lots of room for various interpretations in this exercise.
We've met this rider on the wind before.
I'll presume that, though you may be [yarn]ing, it's really a meadow you are positing.
The hints of a sea-struck treasure is there, as of another Teach or Kidd. There is a sense of the guardian sacrificed to be as a watchman, and curse those who would disturb its charge until the rightful owner returned to claim it.
These words hark too closely of the tragedies inherent to the days of sail, when a lee shore was every sailor's fear.
How many remember the tradition of the single gold ring in the mariner's left ear? This was the respected mark, earned by one who braved the southern seas, under canvas, round the Horn.
This passage was a time of the fearful need in the austral winter. Here they worked the frozen sails, and rigging, hacking away at the ice. The men were clinging to the lines high above the deck, where a slip was death. Driven by fear, and instinct for survival, to save the ship and their lives as it clawed its passage through those waters at the bottom of the world.
The sky-scraping clipper ships in the China trade stirred the heart, though it was the bluff hulls of the ordinary ships that carried the nations' commerce. They shared the passage with the wretched whalers, condemned to carry their stench for years at a time.
There were the Brandenburgers, too, sailing their iron ships in the wool and grain trade, twixt the antipodes and Europe, later degraded to the nitrates trade, fouling their hulls with the Pacific island guano until the early years of the last century.
Sailors do come home to the sea.
Some never leave.
Nicely done,
Fantasist
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2008
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Lady SallyO,
Lots of room for various interpretations in this exercise.
We've met this rider on the wind before.
I'll presume that, though you may be [yarn]ing, it's really a meadow you are positing.
The hints of a sea-struck treasure is there, as of another Teach or Kidd. There is a sense of the guardian sacrificed to be as a watchman, and curse those who would disturb its charge until the rightful owner returned to claim it.
These words hark too closely of the tragedies inherent to the days of sail, when a lee shore was every sailor's fear.
How many remember the tradition of the single gold ring in the mariner's left ear? This was the respected mark, earned by one who braved the southern seas, under canvas, round the Horn.
This passage was a time of the fearful need in the austral winter. Here they worked the frozen sails, and rigging, hacking away at the ice. The men were clinging to the lines high above the deck, where a slip was death. Driven by fear, and instinct for survival, to save the ship and their lives as it clawed its passage through those waters at the bottom of the world.
The sky-scraping clipper ships in the China trade stirred the heart, though it was the bluff hulls of the ordinary ships that carried the nations' commerce. They shared the passage with the wretched whalers, condemned to carry their stench for years at a time.
There were the Brandenburgers, too, sailing their iron ships in the wool and grain trade, twixt the antipodes and Europe, later degraded to the nitrates trade, fouling their hulls with the Pacific island guano until the early years of the last century.
Sailors do come home to the sea.
Some never leave.
Nicely done,
Fantasist
Comment Written 04-Oct-2008
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2008
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Thanks, Allez!
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You're quite welcome.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Sallyo may I have never heard of this form (pleasched poem 0 can you please explain I do notice your poem has great rhythm, pace and interested rhyme scheme
You also said you didn't use Punctuation, but I saw some here and there.
Gert
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2008
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Hello Sallyo may I have never heard of this form (pleasched poem 0 can you please explain I do notice your poem has great rhythm, pace and interested rhyme scheme
You also said you didn't use Punctuation, but I saw some here and there.
Gert
Comment Written 29-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2008
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Hi, Gert. The verb "to pleach" means "to plait" or "to braid", and refers to the way the lines are braided.
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Thnk you Sallyo good a new word for me
Smiles
Take care
Gert
Comment from Nescher Pyscher
I liked it!
Made me think of the Lost Legion. It's a good piece, Sally. Kinda haunting and etheral. Awfully good to see a post from you, too!
:0)
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2008
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I liked it!
Made me think of the Lost Legion. It's a good piece, Sally. Kinda haunting and etheral. Awfully good to see a post from you, too!
:0)
Comment Written 29-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2008
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Thanks, Nes... but hey... (whisper it) it RHYMES.
Comment from jack silver
this one was quite good. and it fits the bill with the supernatural theme poem and yeah i look forward to reading more
from
jack
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2008
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this one was quite good. and it fits the bill with the supernatural theme poem and yeah i look forward to reading more
from
jack
Comment Written 29-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2008
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Thanks, Jack:-)
Comment from suneagle
Very intriguing poem, Sally, but it needs a little work-- particularly in the third verse. I'd like to hear back from you regarding this.
Down in the shadows, deep under the loam
Glitters a treasure of warriors gone
Buried forever, forbidden the sun
With bones in the darkness has slumbered so long
(The grammar is not quite right when read aloud. I suggest the last line of this verse should read:
With bones in the darkness it's slumbered so long
[If you mean the "treasure ... has slumbered so long", you need to refer back to "it" as the subject of the sentence.])
In story and nightmare til time be undone.
(... 'til ... OR ... till ... )
A rider of storms in his cloak-hidden leathers
With bones in the darkness has slumbered so long.
(The subject here is "A rider of storms", therefore the last line sounds correct in this verse.
[Incidentally, if you meant the same in the second to third verses, unfortunately you removed the controversial line too far from the subject you intended -- "A rider of storms".])
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Very intriguing poem, Sally, but it needs a little work-- particularly in the third verse. I'd like to hear back from you regarding this.
Down in the shadows, deep under the loam
Glitters a treasure of warriors gone
Buried forever, forbidden the sun
With bones in the darkness has slumbered so long
(The grammar is not quite right when read aloud. I suggest the last line of this verse should read:
With bones in the darkness it's slumbered so long
[If you mean the "treasure ... has slumbered so long", you need to refer back to "it" as the subject of the sentence.])
In story and nightmare til time be undone.
(... 'til ... OR ... till ... )
A rider of storms in his cloak-hidden leathers
With bones in the darkness has slumbered so long.
(The subject here is "A rider of storms", therefore the last line sounds correct in this verse.
[Incidentally, if you meant the same in the second to third verses, unfortunately you removed the controversial line too far from the subject you intended -- "A rider of storms".])
Comment Written 28-Sep-2008
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Sallyo .....
In this poem, you have attained a very comfortable rhythm which makes it a pleasure to read. With the repetition of the lines, that too seems to add to the intrigue of your story.
I enjoyed reading this and thank you for sharing it with us.
With love from .... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2008
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Hullo Sallyo .....
In this poem, you have attained a very comfortable rhythm which makes it a pleasure to read. With the repetition of the lines, that too seems to add to the intrigue of your story.
I enjoyed reading this and thank you for sharing it with us.
With love from .... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2008
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Thanks, Nanette Mary. Lovely to hear from you.
Comment from adewpearl
the rhythm, rhyme and repetition of lines in this poem makes it the ideal poem to read aloud - it sounds so menacing and haunting - one of those poems that one just wants to hear performed. down in the shadows deep under the loam - every image adds to the chills going down my spine!
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the rhythm, rhyme and repetition of lines in this poem makes it the ideal poem to read aloud - it sounds so menacing and haunting - one of those poems that one just wants to hear performed. down in the shadows deep under the loam - every image adds to the chills going down my spine!
Comment Written 28-Sep-2008
Comment from unidian
A whisper of chill shivers over the sea
Cracking a whip of a wind-flicking tail
Buried forever, forbidden the sun
In story and nightmare til time be undone
... somehow, this verse sums it up for me. Didn't look for SPAGS but they are there!
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2008
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A whisper of chill shivers over the sea
Cracking a whip of a wind-flicking tail
Buried forever, forbidden the sun
In story and nightmare til time be undone
... somehow, this verse sums it up for me. Didn't look for SPAGS but they are there!
Comment Written 28-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2008
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Thanks, unidian. Which SPAGs did you see? (Apart from the lack of punctuation, I mean?)
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Oh Oh Sallyo :-) You said yourself this piece just came tumbling out. Why don't you study it yourself, make any corrections you think appropriate and then come back to me? Tom x
Comment from RossJM
Well, Sally, I'll tell you what. I see you put quite an effort into this piece and I do appreciate that, but the words you used are so damn cumbersome - treacherous, kelp, mermaidens, slumbered, twittering, and so on.
And what does moondappled mean? Even my dictionary doesn't have it.
So, I guess it's useless to argue about it, as it is obviously your style, but I don't like it.
Ross
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2008
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Well, Sally, I'll tell you what. I see you put quite an effort into this piece and I do appreciate that, but the words you used are so damn cumbersome - treacherous, kelp, mermaidens, slumbered, twittering, and so on.
And what does moondappled mean? Even my dictionary doesn't have it.
So, I guess it's useless to argue about it, as it is obviously your style, but I don't like it.
Ross
Comment Written 28-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2008
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Hi, Ross; I'm not surprised your dictionary didn't have moondappled. You try splitting it into two words, though ... "Moon dappled", i.e. "dappled by the moonlight" and see if that helps. And I'm not arguing. If you don't like my style, you don't like my style. That's your right. Just one thing - if you say that to someone else (about that person's style I mean, not mine,) you might consider saying, "Your style isn't to my taste" or "This isn't my kind of thing". It means just the same but sounds a bit less harsh.
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Sorry, Sally. You are right of course. I feel terrible.
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Don't feel terrible! It was just a pure and simple bit of advice. Some Fanstorians haven't yet developed my thickish skin:-) Mind you, I upset someone on another site a while ago when I made a bad joke about the "puss" in his character's wound. That was when I realised that a throw-away comment to me was a nasty insult in his eyes.
Comment from Susanne M. Psyris
Great piece....loved its hauntingly dark essence. Captured my interest beginning to end and loved the finale' very much. Nice work. Hugs and smiles, Susanne
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2008
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Great piece....loved its hauntingly dark essence. Captured my interest beginning to end and loved the finale' very much. Nice work. Hugs and smiles, Susanne
Comment Written 28-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2008
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Thanks, Susanne:-)
