Stalker
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "What Sign?"Jim and Lenny are hired to find a stalker
23 total reviews
Comment from sharon fallis
Great read again. Good story so far with far more intrigue that I can keep up with. But, am giving it a good try. I really get engrossed in this stuff. Love your fantastic imagination. How do you come up with all these 'delicious' plots? I'll be up all night now to read the rest. Sharon
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2008
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Great read again. Good story so far with far more intrigue that I can keep up with. But, am giving it a good try. I really get engrossed in this stuff. Love your fantastic imagination. How do you come up with all these 'delicious' plots? I'll be up all night now to read the rest. Sharon
Comment Written 09-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2008
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Oh, my goodness, you know me. The characters do it all, I just go along for the ride!
Thanks so much for the wonderful comments, Sharon, you are so appreciated,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Lynn27
Hi gayle,
This is another great chapter! I just love reading this novel. I loved your characters. I'm wondering what Andy is going to do?
Excellent Chapter!
Lynn
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2008
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Hi gayle,
This is another great chapter! I just love reading this novel. I loved your characters. I'm wondering what Andy is going to do?
Excellent Chapter!
Lynn
Comment Written 29-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2008
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Hi again, Lynn,
It's so much more fun raeding this way than piecemeal, huh? Just wish the bucks were there.
Poor Andy, he's going to have to make some serious decisions, huh?
Thanks again
Gayle
Comment from Allezw2
Lady Gayle,
So the plot, like a pudding on the boil, is thickening.
There are all of these circumstantial clues that must mean something.
Now the problem is, what.
The police and the other groups, including the intrepid friends do have their work cut out.
It will be interesting to see how you work this out.
Nicely done,
Wayne
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2008
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Lady Gayle,
So the plot, like a pudding on the boil, is thickening.
There are all of these circumstantial clues that must mean something.
Now the problem is, what.
The police and the other groups, including the intrepid friends do have their work cut out.
It will be interesting to see how you work this out.
Nicely done,
Wayne
Comment Written 25-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2008
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Hi Wayne,
Thanks for stopping by again. I'm enjoying this one, more twists and turns than a Kentucky back road!
Thanks again for the fine comments and support,
Hugs,
Gayle
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You're most welcome.
Comment from Sissy
Hey Gayle,
That's right! Andy didn't know about Tom Harris! Good stuff here - things are rolling along well. Be careful in the opening of this chapter. It starts out choppy in those first five lines or so. See if you can maybe blend them together a bit to make it read a bit smoother.
Some other stuff to check out:
Andy Baker paced before a cold fireplace, brow furrowed. He strode over to the detective, hand outstretched, nodded at the coffee service and poured them each a cup.
(this was a bit awkward: the hand outstretched and nodding at the coffee service and pouring. It seems like it happened all at the same time the way this is phrased.)
He refilled it, raising the pot to Detective Riley.
(again, seems like it's happening at the same time.)
What do we do next, (D)etective
Shall I ask her to reschedule, or...." (<--consider a question mark after the ellipsis instead of a period.)
And I'm sorry to contradict you, (D)etective, but there is a sign.
Hope this helps!
Take care, girl!
Sissy
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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2008
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Hey Gayle,
That's right! Andy didn't know about Tom Harris! Good stuff here - things are rolling along well. Be careful in the opening of this chapter. It starts out choppy in those first five lines or so. See if you can maybe blend them together a bit to make it read a bit smoother.
Some other stuff to check out:
Andy Baker paced before a cold fireplace, brow furrowed. He strode over to the detective, hand outstretched, nodded at the coffee service and poured them each a cup.
(this was a bit awkward: the hand outstretched and nodding at the coffee service and pouring. It seems like it happened all at the same time the way this is phrased.)
He refilled it, raising the pot to Detective Riley.
(again, seems like it's happening at the same time.)
What do we do next, (D)etective
Shall I ask her to reschedule, or...." (<--consider a question mark after the ellipsis instead of a period.)
And I'm sorry to contradict you, (D)etective, but there is a sign.
Hope this helps!
Take care, girl!
Sissy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2008
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Hi Sissy,
I'll get those adjustments made and will pm you if you'd like, so you can be proud of the fixes.
Thanks so much for your loyalty and faithful support. You have no idea how much it means to me!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Johnny Carwash
Excellent work. Starting to sound like a broken record, but it's true. I fail to see a speck of anything I would change about this story. It is perfect, my friend. Well done.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2008
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Excellent work. Starting to sound like a broken record, but it's true. I fail to see a speck of anything I would change about this story. It is perfect, my friend. Well done.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2008
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Wow, Johnny, you weren't kidding. Thanks so much for the R&R!
I agree, tho, that's how I prefer to read. This piecemeal stuff can get tedious!
Love ya, bro,
Gayle
Comment from bookishfabler
"I'm a nuclear engineer, a physicist. I'm working on a formula that will enable us to use Helium 3 for a universal energy source. He-3 is virtually inexhaustible and will provide inexpensive energy to run engines in everything from cars to planes, heavy industry, heating and cooling systems, anything."
(In the last chapter this was top secret. Now he seems to tell anyone easily.)
Detective Riley rose, nodding at Andy and Jane. "Can you show me where it
was?" (Your friend- Eddie)
hugs
Book
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2008
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"I'm a nuclear engineer, a physicist. I'm working on a formula that will enable us to use Helium 3 for a universal energy source. He-3 is virtually inexhaustible and will provide inexpensive energy to run engines in everything from cars to planes, heavy industry, heating and cooling systems, anything."
(In the last chapter this was top secret. Now he seems to tell anyone easily.)
Detective Riley rose, nodding at Andy and Jane. "Can you show me where it
was?" (Your friend- Eddie)
hugs
Book
Comment Written 14-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2008
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Hey Heidi,
I wondered about doing that..still not sure. Of course, like he said, he could tell Jim the whole formula and it wouldn't matter. On the other hand, he must have a comfort level if they're ever going to find Candace but let me see about that. I sure don't have to have him say all that, do I?
Great eye, my friend. Thanks for the thought...I'll go cogitate. As for Eddie...BANG!
That should do
it
for him
I hope. LOL!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Sylvia Page
It is a pleasure to read yet another interesting chapter. This sentence seemed a little abrupt...
strident tones of his cell rang, [and] caused both men to ...
I see that there is a hint of a mole at the meeting or how else would the abductors have known of the proceedings. It may have been publicized beforehand to attract the donors/investors. Possibly one of those who responded?
Good pace.
Sylvia
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2008
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It is a pleasure to read yet another interesting chapter. This sentence seemed a little abrupt...
strident tones of his cell rang, [and] caused both men to ...
I see that there is a hint of a mole at the meeting or how else would the abductors have known of the proceedings. It may have been publicized beforehand to attract the donors/investors. Possibly one of those who responded?
Good pace.
Sylvia
Comment Written 11-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2008
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Hey Sylvia,
I see you have your detective hat on! Yes, we have a mole. And how scary, huh, when you think you're "TOP SECRET" designation will be enough...and it's not!
Thanks for the great comments and ideas!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Domino
Hi, Gayle
I think Andy gives the detective too much info. on the 'formula'. In previous chapter he said the idea was top secret and know he's quite open about it. Maybe just a vague description. This works for a posting here to get a new readers attention, but I think would be best changed for the continuity of a published book ??
'He refilled it, raising ['and raised' would be more 'active' and go with 'refilled'] the pot to Detective Riley.
'The hairs on the fence proved to be a match with your wife' - how do they know that for sure?
'The unexpected and strident tones of his cell rang [ring' OR 'causing' both men'], caused both men to start.
'Just then a knock on the door interrupted their conversation.' - maybe 'A knock on the door interupted them' - 'conversation seems the wrong word?
Your usual fast moving pace, Gayle. Above are only my ideas and may be wrong. Terrific descriptions and dialogue. Very believable assumptions by detective. All very professional and 'tight'. Well done, Ray xx
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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Hi, Gayle
I think Andy gives the detective too much info. on the 'formula'. In previous chapter he said the idea was top secret and know he's quite open about it. Maybe just a vague description. This works for a posting here to get a new readers attention, but I think would be best changed for the continuity of a published book ??
'He refilled it, raising ['and raised' would be more 'active' and go with 'refilled'] the pot to Detective Riley.
'The hairs on the fence proved to be a match with your wife' - how do they know that for sure?
'The unexpected and strident tones of his cell rang [ring' OR 'causing' both men'], caused both men to start.
'Just then a knock on the door interrupted their conversation.' - maybe 'A knock on the door interupted them' - 'conversation seems the wrong word?
Your usual fast moving pace, Gayle. Above are only my ideas and may be wrong. Terrific descriptions and dialogue. Very believable assumptions by detective. All very professional and 'tight'. Well done, Ray xx
Comment Written 11-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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Hey Ray,
Let me reread that chapter. I know what you mean about Andy telling too much about his formula. I agree, and when I reedit, I'll eliminate some of that.
Agree also about the hairs...probably too soon to know through a dna test.
Thanks so much for the comments and ideas, my friend. I appreciate your time and effort so much!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Kym Jade
So someone at the meeting with Andy is in touch with the Russians. The actions is hotting up here. Your writing as always hold my attention all the way through.
One thought, Jane could hardly move from the fall the previous night, should this be mentioned.
Love and blessigs
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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So someone at the meeting with Andy is in touch with the Russians. The actions is hotting up here. Your writing as always hold my attention all the way through.
One thought, Jane could hardly move from the fall the previous night, should this be mentioned.
Love and blessigs
Comment Written 10-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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AHA! You're the fist person to mention that. Yep, we have a mole!
Hey, you know what, you're right. I should mention Jane being a bit on the stiff side! Good one!
Hey, thanks and you know how much I appreciate your girls!
Love,
Gayle
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
of, what a tangled mess this is for Andy, eh? Maybe he needs to polish his Russian because he may be playing roulette with those guys who have his wife. One small piece of spag for you below.
to get Candace back. >> to get Candace back?
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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of, what a tangled mess this is for Andy, eh? Maybe he needs to polish his Russian because he may be playing roulette with those guys who have his wife. One small piece of spag for you below.
to get Candace back. >> to get Candace back?
Comment Written 10-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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Hi Jan,
I'll get that question mark in there poste haste. Oh, Jeff and I are in countdown mode...going for a short cruise to Ensenada...leaving Fri, back Mon. It's about as long as we can take away from the business, but August is a great time to get out of the desert!
Thanks for the great review,
Hugs,
Gayle
