Jezebel's Look
She thinks she's going to sleep with my husband.39 total reviews
Comment from pugdogy
great job here!!! too bad this woman doesn't spend some of that energy towards her own marraige then maybe she wouldn't be going after someone elses man. keep up the great work. (smile) pugdogy
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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great job here!!! too bad this woman doesn't spend some of that energy towards her own marraige then maybe she wouldn't be going after someone elses man. keep up the great work. (smile) pugdogy
Comment Written 06-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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I agree! It is sad because her husband is a really nice guy. She'd better watch out or he might start wandering too!
Thanks for the great review!
Jan
Comment from earthlybeing
It was a great vent. I did one called she has some nerve about this same thing. Well written and easy to understand. I am happy you are confident because some people would not handle this kind of situation as well. Well done. Thanks, Jeanette
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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It was a great vent. I did one called she has some nerve about this same thing. Well written and easy to understand. I am happy you are confident because some people would not handle this kind of situation as well. Well done. Thanks, Jeanette
Comment Written 06-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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Thank you so much! :-)
Jan
Comment from Ginny
I find this story extremely well-written - aside from the morality issue which skilfully runs right through. Your description of your husband - whether real or otherwise, is very astute, as also your description of yourself and your adversary. It's an age-old story, written with humour, warmth and good use of language. Well done!
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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I find this story extremely well-written - aside from the morality issue which skilfully runs right through. Your description of your husband - whether real or otherwise, is very astute, as also your description of yourself and your adversary. It's an age-old story, written with humour, warmth and good use of language. Well done!
Comment Written 06-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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Thank you so much! :-)
Jan
Comment from Teri7
You go girl. I guess you told her. I enjoyed reading this story very much. You are a real go getter and from the way he talked he is not interested in anyone else. Love you, Teri
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2008
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You go girl. I guess you told her. I enjoyed reading this story very much. You are a real go getter and from the way he talked he is not interested in anyone else. Love you, Teri
Comment Written 06-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2008
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Thank you so much, Teri! :-)
Hugs,
Jan
Comment from Dave M
Janilou,
What can I say? You do what you think is needed, and it seems to work. Sounds like this woman is mostly bored. If she were really desperate to escape her marriage, she wouldn't hit on married men.
This post is well written, although I found a couple of things: A spurious line break and a sentence that could've been written better:
"Two days later, Sue turned up at our home with the blondest hair you've ever seen come out of a bleach bottle.
When she thought I wasn't watching..." There is a spurious hard line break after the word "bottle."
"Being self-employed in the electrical and construction business,..." This is a dangling participle and the start of an awkward sentence. I'd suggest replacing it with a full sentence, such as perhaps, "This can be difficult, since he is self-employed in the electrical and construction business."
Dave M
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2008
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Janilou,
What can I say? You do what you think is needed, and it seems to work. Sounds like this woman is mostly bored. If she were really desperate to escape her marriage, she wouldn't hit on married men.
This post is well written, although I found a couple of things: A spurious line break and a sentence that could've been written better:
"Two days later, Sue turned up at our home with the blondest hair you've ever seen come out of a bleach bottle.
When she thought I wasn't watching..." There is a spurious hard line break after the word "bottle."
"Being self-employed in the electrical and construction business,..." This is a dangling participle and the start of an awkward sentence. I'd suggest replacing it with a full sentence, such as perhaps, "This can be difficult, since he is self-employed in the electrical and construction business."
Dave M
Comment Written 06-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2008
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Thank you so much, Dave! I have made the corrections. I really appreciate your reviews. You always take the time to help me improve my work.
Jan
Comment from RenieReader
Jan or Jani: Thank you for posting this vent. It's good to know that someone like Jez can't just arbitrarily ruin someone else's marriage just because she's unhappy with her own. Good on both of you. Congratulations.
When he wants sex, so do I(,) which means we usually make love on a daily basis.
and bemoaning their lack of satisfaction with the[ir] sex-lives.
Renie
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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Jan or Jani: Thank you for posting this vent. It's good to know that someone like Jez can't just arbitrarily ruin someone else's marriage just because she's unhappy with her own. Good on both of you. Congratulations.
When he wants sex, so do I(,) which means we usually make love on a daily basis.
and bemoaning their lack of satisfaction with the[ir] sex-lives.
Renie
Comment Written 06-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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Thank you so much, Renie! I will fix those nits. :-)
Jan
Comment from mhjones2001
"She doesn't know how well I can read her body language"
Seems kind of stilted. Maybe use just "read her" rather than "body language".
"(she told me) " I'm not sure this is particularly useful; especially if it's in a conversation.
"Jez's behavior alone told me her marriage is not happy." You said earlier that she told you so. WHich one?
You may want to consider organizing it to flow a little more smoothly. For instance, you might try weaving the account of office, getting lucky, and the such a little more smoothly into the narrative. As it is, that narrative is something of an awkward shift away and back.
The move to "A happy marriage is not something that just happens" was kind of abrupt.
This has the makings of a good narrative. You just have to smooth it out and "naturalize" the flow a bit.
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reply by the author on 06-Aug-2008
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"She doesn't know how well I can read her body language"
Seems kind of stilted. Maybe use just "read her" rather than "body language".
"(she told me) " I'm not sure this is particularly useful; especially if it's in a conversation.
"Jez's behavior alone told me her marriage is not happy." You said earlier that she told you so. WHich one?
You may want to consider organizing it to flow a little more smoothly. For instance, you might try weaving the account of office, getting lucky, and the such a little more smoothly into the narrative. As it is, that narrative is something of an awkward shift away and back.
The move to "A happy marriage is not something that just happens" was kind of abrupt.
This has the makings of a good narrative. You just have to smooth it out and "naturalize" the flow a bit.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2008
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Thank you for your thoughts! I removed the (she told me) although it was Sue who told me this, not Jez. Two different women. :-)
Jan
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I understand.
Comment from yadams
Wow! The nerve of some woman... I thought for sure this was fiction... until I looked at the top to see that it is not! This is a great piece and I love love love the ending! Nice job and continue to feed your dear husband!
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2008
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Wow! The nerve of some woman... I thought for sure this was fiction... until I looked at the top to see that it is not! This is a great piece and I love love love the ending! Nice job and continue to feed your dear husband!
Comment Written 06-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2008
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LOL Thanks! I will do that.
Jan
Comment from P1
non fiction wow jani you are a brave woman lol
and a very lucky one to have such an awesome relationship
with an obviously attractive and devoted husband
you did your marriage and his devotion to you credit
within your well written story. some women dont
realize the devasdation they cause by flirting... not
all guys are strong and not all relationships are as
strong as yours obviously is. hugs lynda.
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reply by the author on 06-Aug-2008
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non fiction wow jani you are a brave woman lol
and a very lucky one to have such an awesome relationship
with an obviously attractive and devoted husband
you did your marriage and his devotion to you credit
within your well written story. some women dont
realize the devasdation they cause by flirting... not
all guys are strong and not all relationships are as
strong as yours obviously is. hugs lynda.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2008
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Thank you so much, Lynda!
:-)
Jan
