Stalker
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "A New Client"Jim and Lenny are hired to find a stalker
18 total reviews
Comment from Twisted-ink
To the left, a huge multi-windowed, ultramodern house soared two stories into the air, rising out of the lush foliage like an alabaster phoenix. The ground level consisted of floor to ceiling windows with an incredible view of the Los Angeles skyline. I love this! I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Good unpretentious easy read.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2008
  |
To the left, a huge multi-windowed, ultramodern house soared two stories into the air, rising out of the lush foliage like an alabaster phoenix. The ground level consisted of floor to ceiling windows with an incredible view of the Los Angeles skyline. I love this! I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Good unpretentious easy read.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2008
-
Well hi, and happy holidays to you and ... holy cow, that's a sixer! Wow, how cool. I love that book, too. Man, it's been a while since I got a review for it.
I'm just smiling all over! Thank you so much!
Best,
Gayle
Comment from William Walz
wow, this is truly remarkable, and i'm not just saying that because of everything that's gone on today. i can see now why you are at the top of the rankings. frankly, you make me feel like the rankest of rank amateurs with your skillful prose. Great dialogue, wonderful descriptions, catching my interest immediately--what else to say.
"She beetled her brows..." how did you ever come up with that?
Since this is chapter one, i can't wait to see what happens next. guess you've just adopted a new fan.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2008
|
wow, this is truly remarkable, and i'm not just saying that because of everything that's gone on today. i can see now why you are at the top of the rankings. frankly, you make me feel like the rankest of rank amateurs with your skillful prose. Great dialogue, wonderful descriptions, catching my interest immediately--what else to say.
"She beetled her brows..." how did you ever come up with that?
Since this is chapter one, i can't wait to see what happens next. guess you've just adopted a new fan.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2008
-
Hello, William, and likewise, I'm sure. That was a chapter I thought you might be able to sink into, even though it's half way through the novel. I'm just smiling all over, and especially for the six. Thank you so much and welcome aboard!
Wheee!
See you again soon, Holy Cow! That's chapter 1! I didn't even realize it. Oh, my dear, now I'm grinning all over!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Sissy
Hi Gayle,
Hope things are going well! It's good to see you starting another one so soon! I enjoyed this chapter. I wonder what we are going to find at the mansion, and you've set us up wondering about the stalker, and the possibility of a Chihuahua 'Tony'! :)
I went through carefully. See what you think:
The sun began to dip into the ocean, throwing shards of red and gold light into the sky and piercing the billowing clouds like lightning. (throwing/piercing/billowing/lightning - watch those -ings, girl. Also two 'lights' above from 'light' and 'lightning', then 'restaurant lights' below. Watch em!-->)
The restaurant lights flashed on
"You won't believe these shrimp. I got three dozen and the Ahi is so gorgeous, I bought five pounds of it; I could not resist. Just wait until you see." ('Could not' sounds stiff. Wouldn't she just go with 'couldn't'?)
"It could end up being one of those endless deals, an extremely lucrative fulltime ('full-time' according to dictionary.com. Check it out.) job.
Only three cars ahead of them now. All drivers on alert, they jockeyed for position, eyes flitting from rearview mirror(s <--you are talking about multiple drivers in multiple cars, right?) to side mirrors and back again,
The driver of the Ferrari stuck his arm out his window and sent everyone the American salute(,?) which was promptly returned with vigor by the dozen or so closest drivers, along with two irate horn honks.
"It should be coming up pretty soon," Lenny said, once again checking the addresses." (<---stray quote mark.)
and white paneled arena shaded by more huge trees.
To the left, a huge multi-windowed, ultramodern house soared two stories into the air, rising out of the lush foliage like an alabaster phoenix. (huge/huge. Watch repetition.)
The ground level consisted of floor(-)to(-)ceiling windows with an incredible view of the Los Angeles skyline.
"What do you figure is behind door number one, (<--is this a question?)" Jim said as it swung slowly open.
Take care,
Sissy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2008
  |
Hi Gayle,
Hope things are going well! It's good to see you starting another one so soon! I enjoyed this chapter. I wonder what we are going to find at the mansion, and you've set us up wondering about the stalker, and the possibility of a Chihuahua 'Tony'! :)
I went through carefully. See what you think:
The sun began to dip into the ocean, throwing shards of red and gold light into the sky and piercing the billowing clouds like lightning. (throwing/piercing/billowing/lightning - watch those -ings, girl. Also two 'lights' above from 'light' and 'lightning', then 'restaurant lights' below. Watch em!-->)
The restaurant lights flashed on
"You won't believe these shrimp. I got three dozen and the Ahi is so gorgeous, I bought five pounds of it; I could not resist. Just wait until you see." ('Could not' sounds stiff. Wouldn't she just go with 'couldn't'?)
"It could end up being one of those endless deals, an extremely lucrative fulltime ('full-time' according to dictionary.com. Check it out.) job.
Only three cars ahead of them now. All drivers on alert, they jockeyed for position, eyes flitting from rearview mirror(s <--you are talking about multiple drivers in multiple cars, right?) to side mirrors and back again,
The driver of the Ferrari stuck his arm out his window and sent everyone the American salute(,?) which was promptly returned with vigor by the dozen or so closest drivers, along with two irate horn honks.
"It should be coming up pretty soon," Lenny said, once again checking the addresses." (<---stray quote mark.)
and white paneled arena shaded by more huge trees.
To the left, a huge multi-windowed, ultramodern house soared two stories into the air, rising out of the lush foliage like an alabaster phoenix. (huge/huge. Watch repetition.)
The ground level consisted of floor(-)to(-)ceiling windows with an incredible view of the Los Angeles skyline.
"What do you figure is behind door number one, (<--is this a question?)" Jim said as it swung slowly open.
Take care,
Sissy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2008
-
OMG! GIrl! I was just about to get the dogs out! Where the heck are you hiding out? I know, it's show season, and that's reason enough. Man, exciting things happening here. You know what I mean, right? Good old Tom. He's a peach. Either than or he got tired of hearing us whine.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate your reading. Man, no damned bucks. That makes me mad. Let me see what I can do to plump you up.
Needless to say, I pasted all this out and will fix on ms.
Oh, I'm all, like, wriggling around to see you again!
Gayle
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Gayle, I don't know how I almost missed this chapter. For once, it looks like I get to start one of your books at the beginning. What a hoot! I look forward to reading along.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2008
|
Gayle, I don't know how I almost missed this chapter. For once, it looks like I get to start one of your books at the beginning. What a hoot! I look forward to reading along.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2008
-
YEAH! Isn't that the most fun, starting at the beginning.
I hope you like this one, Jan and thanks for the great R&R!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from davidray
Good morning, Gayle.
A nice smooth start to something here. YOur newest works, I'm assuming? Nice family, them Bakers.
Enjoyed this.
Best wishes,
David
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2008
|
Good morning, Gayle.
A nice smooth start to something here. YOur newest works, I'm assuming? Nice family, them Bakers.
Enjoyed this.
Best wishes,
David
Comment Written 13-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2008
-
Hey David,
We're starting a new book and I think you'll like it.
Hope to see you back again soon and thanks for the R&R and fine comments.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Sylvia Page
Good start Gayle to another promising horror and thriller story. Just this one typo...
then we'll sack (stack) the sacks.
Meet you in the next chapter.
Happy writing
Sylvia
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2008
|
Good start Gayle to another promising horror and thriller story. Just this one typo...
then we'll sack (stack) the sacks.
Meet you in the next chapter.
Happy writing
Sylvia
Comment Written 11-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2008
-
Hi Sylvia,
I think my attempt at humor fell flat. I meant to say "sack the sacks" in much the same way "Rome was sacked."
I hate it when I do that. I'm going to change that around as you are not the first to wonder what the heck I meant there.
Thanks so much for the read and it's so nice to see you back again
Love,
Gayle
Comment from bookishfabler
Well, well, I see that the two detectives, their wives and their puppies are in high demand. I like these books, so, I'm thrilled you are putting out another. I'm there for you kiddo. I read pretty quickly, and didn't notice any mistakes.
lots of hugs
Book
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2008
|
Well, well, I see that the two detectives, their wives and their puppies are in high demand. I like these books, so, I'm thrilled you are putting out another. I'm there for you kiddo. I read pretty quickly, and didn't notice any mistakes.
lots of hugs
Book
Comment Written 11-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2008
-
From one Book to another...I love to say that, but I'm simple. Anyway, I love the chance to promo the Dobie and in this one, we're going to have a lot of dog action.
I'm so glad you're here...the last endeavor ended as you predicted...but no matter, this is time better spent, huh!
Hugs and love,
Gayle
-
You're kidding. You weren't allowed to put the recipes? Maybe you can find a different site for that stuff.
Comment from c_lucas
Very well written. Good dialogue, good imagery and good descriptive scheme. Very little suspense building.
Jim said as it swung slowly open." (a statement, not a quote)
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2008
|
Very well written. Good dialogue, good imagery and good descriptive scheme. Very little suspense building.
Jim said as it swung slowly open." (a statement, not a quote)
Comment Written 11-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2008
-
Hey Charlie,
We got that quote outta there, no idea from whence it came! LOL! I love it that you're here in the beginning. I look forward to your comments.
Gayle
-
You're welcome. Charlie
Comment from Domino
Hi, Gayle. A new one, great, I'm in on the ground floor!
I won't suggest SPAG as I'm useless at it, unless it punches me in the eye.
Love the vividly descriptive opening para.
2nd para, just my pref. but I'd switch it around to;
'As Terry entered---,the restaurant lights flashed---'
'sack the sacks' ? to you mean stack the sacks, or maybe it's a term I'm unfamiliar with (probably)
'dinged[by?] somebody---'
'to chef[,] with a wide grin--'
'Nodding, jim snickered--' - not sure, as you've used 'snickered' which is a word that sticks out, coupla paras prev.
Just love your vivid descriptions of the food, surroundings and happenings, I'm really there.
2nd last para, I'm not sure, but think comma should be after 'and' instead of 'suburban'. May be wrong.
This was just the right length, Gayle. A great switch of scenes from the restaurant to the traffic.
Your descriptive writing oozes class. Great stuff. Ray xx
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2008
|
Hi, Gayle. A new one, great, I'm in on the ground floor!
I won't suggest SPAG as I'm useless at it, unless it punches me in the eye.
Love the vividly descriptive opening para.
2nd para, just my pref. but I'd switch it around to;
'As Terry entered---,the restaurant lights flashed---'
'sack the sacks' ? to you mean stack the sacks, or maybe it's a term I'm unfamiliar with (probably)
'dinged[by?] somebody---'
'to chef[,] with a wide grin--'
'Nodding, jim snickered--' - not sure, as you've used 'snickered' which is a word that sticks out, coupla paras prev.
Just love your vivid descriptions of the food, surroundings and happenings, I'm really there.
2nd last para, I'm not sure, but think comma should be after 'and' instead of 'suburban'. May be wrong.
This was just the right length, Gayle. A great switch of scenes from the restaurant to the traffic.
Your descriptive writing oozes class. Great stuff. Ray xx
Comment Written 11-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2008
-
Hey Ray,
Yes, it's always cool getting in on the ground floor, and like you, I don't like to read long stories on the monitor. Hard on the eyes.
Sack the sacks...a play on words, like when whoever it was "sacked Rome". Sometimes I get tooooo cute. Ah, snickered, chuckled, giggled not to mention lots of shrugging, nodding and blinking. Sometimes they just sneak in there. Let me check and dear friend, thanks for the eagle eye. I can't see my own mistakes sometimes...makes me mad!
Thanks so much<
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from RenieReader
Yay! I'm so glad you're doing another Horror and Thriller book. I just love 'em and nothing hooks my attention faster than a Who dunnit? You're off to a great start.
High up like this there's no smog and the view [is spectacular].
Jim said as it swung slowly open.(Omit==>")
Hugs,
Renie
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2008
|
Yay! I'm so glad you're doing another Horror and Thriller book. I just love 'em and nothing hooks my attention faster than a Who dunnit? You're off to a great start.
High up like this there's no smog and the view [is spectacular].
Jim said as it swung slowly open.(Omit==>")
Hugs,
Renie
Comment Written 11-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2008
-
Hey Renie,
Well, here we go again, off to the races. Sometimes I remember that SciFi movie, maybe Outer Limits, where the people grew wires into their computers and became one. I swear, it's happening to me. The characters grabbed me about halfway through the first sentence and off we go. I have no idea where we're going but it looks to me like we're making excellent time!
Hugs and I'll check that,
Gayle
