Ridding Yourself of Demons
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Not Just for Christmas"A man summons a demon but gets more than he wanted
8 total reviews
Comment from Atruthckr
Each chapter gets funnier and more clever. Now, our hero is stuck with the useless and annoying demon, but blessed with eternal youth. No returns! This is quite a cute story. I especially love the touches of the mundane with the arcane, such as the breadknife of banishment and the shoelace of confinement. Adorable! --Atruthckr
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2008
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Each chapter gets funnier and more clever. Now, our hero is stuck with the useless and annoying demon, but blessed with eternal youth. No returns! This is quite a cute story. I especially love the touches of the mundane with the arcane, such as the breadknife of banishment and the shoelace of confinement. Adorable! --Atruthckr
Comment Written 24-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2008
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Thank you. You just can't get a decent magic sword nowadays
Comment from BarnCat
Snod -- I'm hooked. This is a gem of a series you have going. Tight narrative, just enough humor -- which is never forced -- an easy flow of ideas, dialog and conjuring. DBL
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2008
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Snod -- I'm hooked. This is a gem of a series you have going. Tight narrative, just enough humor -- which is never forced -- an easy flow of ideas, dialog and conjuring. DBL
Comment Written 19-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2008
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You're very kind, thank you. I'm glad you're sticking with it
Comment from Sissy
Hey snod,
I'm glad I caught this. I've been away from FS a bit, life keeps getting in the way! Trying to catch up on my PM box is almost futile!
Totally enjoyed this one. Garth seems like a simple soul, and almost harmless. Yes. Almost. You've got some real comic lines in this one, and it made me laugh.
Some stuff to consider:
He expected the supermarket car park was as good a place as any. (<--why not? hahahaah)
and opened up (<--need 'up'?) the ancient book
Scarth slowly slumped over to the circle, givi ('slumped' as a verb implies slow, the 'slowly' seems redundant.)
"Scarth learn. Scarth not eat anyone else. Scarth be good."
(<--I laughed aloud at this one.)
He was a liability, and as irritating as it was possible to be.
(<--'as irritating as it was possible to be' is a bit awkward for me. See if anyone else dings you on this.)
Finally there was a thunderclap and a flash that left Paul blinded. It was over. The curse of having a demon slave to do his bidding was just a nightmare he could now wake from.
(There was/was/was - watch the 'was's.)
tugged him forward.
The stranger stepped forward (double 'forward' close together. Watch repetition.)
The stranger winced. "Please, a little consideration. We don't use His name (<--hahahah)
Take care,
Sis
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2008
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Hey snod,
I'm glad I caught this. I've been away from FS a bit, life keeps getting in the way! Trying to catch up on my PM box is almost futile!
Totally enjoyed this one. Garth seems like a simple soul, and almost harmless. Yes. Almost. You've got some real comic lines in this one, and it made me laugh.
Some stuff to consider:
He expected the supermarket car park was as good a place as any. (<--why not? hahahaah)
and opened up (<--need 'up'?) the ancient book
Scarth slowly slumped over to the circle, givi ('slumped' as a verb implies slow, the 'slowly' seems redundant.)
"Scarth learn. Scarth not eat anyone else. Scarth be good."
(<--I laughed aloud at this one.)
He was a liability, and as irritating as it was possible to be.
(<--'as irritating as it was possible to be' is a bit awkward for me. See if anyone else dings you on this.)
Finally there was a thunderclap and a flash that left Paul blinded. It was over. The curse of having a demon slave to do his bidding was just a nightmare he could now wake from.
(There was/was/was - watch the 'was's.)
tugged him forward.
The stranger stepped forward (double 'forward' close together. Watch repetition.)
The stranger winced. "Please, a little consideration. We don't use His name (<--hahahah)
Take care,
Sis
Comment Written 11-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2008
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I missd you. I was getting far too many fives 8^)
All very good points, as usual. I'm not totally convinced that slumped is always slow (I shot him through the head and he slumped over the desk) but I guess the slow is implied by the context anyway.
Welcome back, and thanks for your detailed review. I'm glad I made you laugh.
Comment from mmichelle97219
Be careful what you wish for; you just might get it.
I liked your little addition to the story. It was well worth the read. I think a set of adventures with these two would make a most interesting collection of short stories. well done.
Michelle
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2008
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Be careful what you wish for; you just might get it.
I liked your little addition to the story. It was well worth the read. I think a set of adventures with these two would make a most interesting collection of short stories. well done.
Michelle
Comment Written 11-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2008
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Thank you. It was originally a one off. I'm not sure how many stories one could stand of Scarth, because, to be honest, he's getting on my nerves already. We shall have to see.
Glad you liked it.
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That of course is the charm of the story. IMagine the possibilities of having him around while you are trying to entertain a young lady or impress the boss.
Michelle
Comment from gene_ink
This is my first look at a humorous approach to the other side. Well written, fun and kept my attention. Good work. I have no constructive criticism. Gene
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2008
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This is my first look at a humorous approach to the other side. Well written, fun and kept my attention. Good work. I have no constructive criticism. Gene
Comment Written 11-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2008
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I'm glad that you enjoyed this trip out of your normal reading circles. Thanks for the review and kind words.
Comment from witchykym
That's bad, when Satan, or his minions, would give up Mother Teresa, just to avoid having a demon back. I feel sorry for Paul. On the other hand, I loved the story, saw nothing to correct.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2008
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That's bad, when Satan, or his minions, would give up Mother Teresa, just to avoid having a demon back. I feel sorry for Paul. On the other hand, I loved the story, saw nothing to correct.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2008
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We reap what we sow, but I rather think Paul has been set up here. Glad you liked it. Thanks for the review
Comment from Celtic~Soul
Okay, I think I was going to go back and read the other demon story, but haven't gotten there yet. Now I have to! This was a delight, as usual! The dialogue and characters - what a hoot!
A few small nits for you:
forgotten on the floor - since thy're outside, wouldn't it be ground rather than floor - well, would be here in the wacky USA
Roath reached out a shiny, patent leather shoe - took me a minute with this one - maybe, reached out with a shiny, patent leather shoe - also it's a given that patent is shiny, if you wanted to modify, I'd make it really gaudy, like gleaming or reflective or something that realy brings home that high polish relecting the scattered light in the car park
Absolutely wonderful. I think you've got something going here!
Dawn
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2008
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Okay, I think I was going to go back and read the other demon story, but haven't gotten there yet. Now I have to! This was a delight, as usual! The dialogue and characters - what a hoot!
A few small nits for you:
forgotten on the floor - since thy're outside, wouldn't it be ground rather than floor - well, would be here in the wacky USA
Roath reached out a shiny, patent leather shoe - took me a minute with this one - maybe, reached out with a shiny, patent leather shoe - also it's a given that patent is shiny, if you wanted to modify, I'd make it really gaudy, like gleaming or reflective or something that realy brings home that high polish relecting the scattered light in the car park
Absolutely wonderful. I think you've got something going here!
Dawn
Comment Written 11-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2008
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You are probably right with the shoe, I'll revisit it. I'm glad I've whetted your appetite for the prequel. Thanks, as ever.
Comment from Rainbow Writer
Hi snodlander,
Another great story - very well written and in your sharp style - love it. I know I keep asking, but did you get published yet?!
You must have such a good collection of quality stories by now, why not get them out there....
I'm always a little put off by 'alright' - much prefer the more proper 'all right' - just a personal thing.
Bye for now, Emma
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2008
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Hi snodlander,
Another great story - very well written and in your sharp style - love it. I know I keep asking, but did you get published yet?!
You must have such a good collection of quality stories by now, why not get them out there....
I'm always a little put off by 'alright' - much prefer the more proper 'all right' - just a personal thing.
Bye for now, Emma
Comment Written 11-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2008
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Oops, you are correct, and I have no excuse as it's not the first time I've been told 'alright' is not all right. I'll change it
Thanks for your review. I'm glad you liked it.
