Lady Detective
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Continuing the Search"Suspense crime novel with romance.
12 total reviews
Comment from jholmes5580
Another great chapter. Excellent progression. I like the new twist of the bad guy being someone she had turned down in the past- great motive.
Only one spag noted - Both room(s) showed signs of a struggle.
Can't wait for the next chapter! jholmes
reply by the author on 18-May-2008
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Another great chapter. Excellent progression. I like the new twist of the bad guy being someone she had turned down in the past- great motive.
Only one spag noted - Both room(s) showed signs of a struggle.
Can't wait for the next chapter! jholmes
Comment Written 18-May-2008
reply by the author on 18-May-2008
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thank you for reading again and pointing out spag, will fix.
Comment from butterflykiss
This is getting better and better a real mystery and page turner. I like the way it flows and the characters. You leave just enough of a clue to make us want to come back.
Looking foreword to the next chapter.
Good luck.
Butterflykiss
reply by the author on 18-May-2008
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This is getting better and better a real mystery and page turner. I like the way it flows and the characters. You leave just enough of a clue to make us want to come back.
Looking foreword to the next chapter.
Good luck.
Butterflykiss
Comment Written 17-May-2008
reply by the author on 18-May-2008
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thank you for reading another chapter
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You are welcome
Good Luck.
Butterflykiss
Comment from savannah cat
I enjoyed this chapter. You answered the question of why and who.
Burly is such a strong character. She reminds me of JD Robbs aka Nora Roberts "Dallas".
Great job with this. I hope it goes the way you plan.
Goof Luck,
Savannah Cat
reply by the author on 16-May-2008
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I enjoyed this chapter. You answered the question of why and who.
Burly is such a strong character. She reminds me of JD Robbs aka Nora Roberts "Dallas".
Great job with this. I hope it goes the way you plan.
Goof Luck,
Savannah Cat
Comment Written 16-May-2008
reply by the author on 16-May-2008
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thank you for reading another chapter and reviewing
Comment from empire76
My, my... that's a good one. A lot of things going on. As soon as I read yearbook, I was sure he was the geek ins chool. that's good coz in the previous chapter, you told us Greg is his middle name, so that tis in well here. Good one. This is one of my favourite chapters of the book
Just one thing that confused me:
- "I called him on the way here, I told him about the phone call, detective," again from the voice by her ear.
Ryan called Rukus? Who says this if not Ryan? I am sure your intent was to throw the reader off with the first few paragraphs but this line doesn't become clearer even as I read on
Edit
- Both room(s) showed signs of a struggle.
Keep it up
Empi
reply by the author on 15-May-2008
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My, my... that's a good one. A lot of things going on. As soon as I read yearbook, I was sure he was the geek ins chool. that's good coz in the previous chapter, you told us Greg is his middle name, so that tis in well here. Good one. This is one of my favourite chapters of the book
Just one thing that confused me:
- "I called him on the way here, I told him about the phone call, detective," again from the voice by her ear.
Ryan called Rukus? Who says this if not Ryan? I am sure your intent was to throw the reader off with the first few paragraphs but this line doesn't become clearer even as I read on
Edit
- Both room(s) showed signs of a struggle.
Keep it up
Empi
Comment Written 15-May-2008
reply by the author on 15-May-2008
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Thank you for reading, since this was originally a romance that evolved into a mystery, I had to come up with a motive. In the original manuscript, the killer was faceless with no motive. I think I like how it turned out. Thank you for reading from the beginning and all the help and suggestions you have given me.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
hI eLAINE :0
Another good chapter. The story is now developing motivation. Greg must have a strong inferiority complex. He obviously has a stalker's personality.
As far as the police procedure, I question that Burly would have been allowed to lead the way into the house alone. Normal procedure calls for two people to enter together so they can cover each other. A single person can only look one way at a time.
I didn't notice any SPAG.
rOGER
reply by the author on 15-May-2008
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hI eLAINE :0
Another good chapter. The story is now developing motivation. Greg must have a strong inferiority complex. He obviously has a stalker's personality.
As far as the police procedure, I question that Burly would have been allowed to lead the way into the house alone. Normal procedure calls for two people to enter together so they can cover each other. A single person can only look one way at a time.
I didn't notice any SPAG.
rOGER
Comment Written 14-May-2008
reply by the author on 15-May-2008
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She didn't enter the garage alone, only the house after the other officer told her he was alone, I'm still kind of working with that scene. Thank you for reading again.
Comment from GerryMacNeil
Solid chapter, and as usual, very nicely written. So interesting to see Burly so emotionally weak here, much more so than in the first chapters when she was physically hurt. Nice job of character development. Looking forward to more. GerryMacNeil
reply by the author on 15-May-2008
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Solid chapter, and as usual, very nicely written. So interesting to see Burly so emotionally weak here, much more so than in the first chapters when she was physically hurt. Nice job of character development. Looking forward to more. GerryMacNeil
Comment Written 14-May-2008
reply by the author on 15-May-2008
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Thank you for reading and reviewing.
Comment from earthlybeing
Well at least we know she's on the right direction now. Great chapter. Moves well. Lots of actions that sounds and feels real. Dialogue was good. Well done. Now lets find Ruckus. Thanks, Jeanette
reply by the author on 15-May-2008
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Well at least we know she's on the right direction now. Great chapter. Moves well. Lots of actions that sounds and feels real. Dialogue was good. Well done. Now lets find Ruckus. Thanks, Jeanette
Comment Written 14-May-2008
reply by the author on 15-May-2008
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She's trying to figure out how to find him, she has a couple of ideas. I think she needs to stretch her legs and focus now. Thank you for reading.
Comment from Earthwriter
this piece keeps the reader onb edge in anticipation i really like your writing style excellent job thanks for sharing again Monte
reply by the author on 14-May-2008
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this piece keeps the reader onb edge in anticipation i really like your writing style excellent job thanks for sharing again Monte
Comment Written 14-May-2008
reply by the author on 14-May-2008
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thank you for the review and taking the time to read.
Comment from Lynn Phillips
This is the only chapter I've read, but it was a good read. I like the story, as much of it as I read here, I'll have to go back and read the rest. The main character seems likeable and motivated. The dialog was believable, dosen't feel forced.
reply by the author on 14-May-2008
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This is the only chapter I've read, but it was a good read. I like the story, as much of it as I read here, I'll have to go back and read the rest. The main character seems likeable and motivated. The dialog was believable, dosen't feel forced.
Comment Written 14-May-2008
reply by the author on 14-May-2008
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Thank you for the stars and the review, I appreciate them. This has been a long and bumpy road but thanks to my friends here, I am finally getting to the end. Thank you for reading.
Comment from heyjude
Mcdaniel,
Oh, no. I thought this would be the end. Okay. You can't keep me in suspense much longer. I'm anxious to find out what happened. When's the next chapter to be posted?
reply by the author on 14-May-2008
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Mcdaniel,
Oh, no. I thought this would be the end. Okay. You can't keep me in suspense much longer. I'm anxious to find out what happened. When's the next chapter to be posted?
Comment Written 14-May-2008
reply by the author on 14-May-2008
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Soon, my friend. Have to make changes from the original ending since the story has evolved so much. Thank you for reading.
