Heaven's Divinity
A short, short story about Christmas Eve at home.47 total reviews
Comment from mmichelle97219
make sure you pass on the tradition as I am find more and more of these types of ceremonious traditions fading into memory. I thought this was just a really delightful read.
Michelle
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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make sure you pass on the tradition as I am find more and more of these types of ceremonious traditions fading into memory. I thought this was just a really delightful read.
Michelle
Comment Written 16-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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Thanks for the great review! Yes, it is a tradition, but more for the community I live in. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Korton
This is a very interesting and enjoyable story. The treat you speak of here is something different for me. Is it actually called Heaven's Divinity, if not what? I would really like to know a bit more about it and maybe give it a try. Very well done.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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This is a very interesting and enjoyable story. The treat you speak of here is something different for me. Is it actually called Heaven's Divinity, if not what? I would really like to know a bit more about it and maybe give it a try. Very well done.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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Thank you for the great review! Yes, it is called Heaven's Divinity. I'm so glad you liked it and hope I got your mouth to watering!
Comment from GerryMacNeil
YUM! I want to try this, and introduce my grandaughter Claire to it. (She and a friend have just started selling a chocolate and peanut butter candy they make!) You have done a very good job of writing this, but since you asked for help in refining it, I offer the following suggestions:
one day ==> the day
" labor of love. The most anticipated event of the year!" This would be more "proper" English if the second (incomplete) sentence were to be appended to the first as a clause: "labor of love, the most anticipated..."
These are really my main suggestions. The first paragraph is so important!
"final stages of candy-making was" ==> should be "were"
In the fourth paragraph, it is not clear how the loaf is formed. are layers of the confection cut and piled up, or is it just pushed into the shape of a loaf?
"With my sweet craving fulfilled first" ==> how about "With our sweet craving . . ."
Thanks for writing! Let me know if you make changes and I will happily revisit and rerate this piece. GerryMacNeil
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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YUM! I want to try this, and introduce my grandaughter Claire to it. (She and a friend have just started selling a chocolate and peanut butter candy they make!) You have done a very good job of writing this, but since you asked for help in refining it, I offer the following suggestions:
one day ==> the day
" labor of love. The most anticipated event of the year!" This would be more "proper" English if the second (incomplete) sentence were to be appended to the first as a clause: "labor of love, the most anticipated..."
These are really my main suggestions. The first paragraph is so important!
"final stages of candy-making was" ==> should be "were"
In the fourth paragraph, it is not clear how the loaf is formed. are layers of the confection cut and piled up, or is it just pushed into the shape of a loaf?
"With my sweet craving fulfilled first" ==> how about "With our sweet craving . . ."
Thanks for writing! Let me know if you make changes and I will happily revisit and rerate this piece. GerryMacNeil
Comment Written 16-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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Thank you for the suggestions and the good review. I will look over it again and re-evaluate.
Comment from Duane Eddy
I liked this story. My mouth was watering just reading it. It is a wholesome piece of writing that I yearn for anymore. It was concise and tight with all the elements covered in just the right amount of words. I can see no improvements that could be made. It is a perfect Christmas Story. Good job!
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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I liked this story. My mouth was watering just reading it. It is a wholesome piece of writing that I yearn for anymore. It was concise and tight with all the elements covered in just the right amount of words. I can see no improvements that could be made. It is a perfect Christmas Story. Good job!
Comment Written 16-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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Thank you so much for the great review! I'm glad I got your mouth to water! By that, I know I did my job right. Again, thanks.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Nordica93
Wow, that is sweet and nostalgic. You have used some effective adjectives which help set the scene. If I were to suggest improvement, I say that you add just that little bit more detail, such as what the candy really tastes like and what effect it has on you. Otherwise, this is a superb effort and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you.
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reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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Wow, that is sweet and nostalgic. You have used some effective adjectives which help set the scene. If I were to suggest improvement, I say that you add just that little bit more detail, such as what the candy really tastes like and what effect it has on you. Otherwise, this is a superb effort and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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Thank you for the review. I will look again at the possibilities of adding more detail. Thanks for the suggestion.
Comment from Norzah
This is already a beautiful though brief account of the labor of love your family indulges in a day before Christmas. It involves everyone and should therefore be great fun while the potatoe confection produced seems scrumptious. The only missing aspect perhaps is the happy faces enjoying the delight. A big contented smile from someone will confirm how nice the
confection is, more than any description can do. After all the test of a good food is in the eating, isn't it? Love the short read.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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This is already a beautiful though brief account of the labor of love your family indulges in a day before Christmas. It involves everyone and should therefore be great fun while the potatoe confection produced seems scrumptious. The only missing aspect perhaps is the happy faces enjoying the delight. A big contented smile from someone will confirm how nice the
confection is, more than any description can do. After all the test of a good food is in the eating, isn't it? Love the short read.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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I appreciate the great review! I agree, I need to go back and see if I can comfortable fit a contented smile in there somewhere.
Comment from RaymondJohn
Mouth-watering treat. I can see the family gathered around and working on that potato. I have never heard of it before. Is it some kind of ethnic treat? Best wishes. Ray
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reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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Mouth-watering treat. I can see the family gathered around and working on that potato. I have never heard of it before. Is it some kind of ethnic treat? Best wishes. Ray
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2008
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Thank you for the great review! No, it is not an ethnic treat. It's just my mother's recipe from the hills of Ky. Not many people have heard of it, nor have the recipe! Glad I have your mouth a watering!
