Heaven's Divinity
A short, short story about Christmas Eve at home.47 total reviews
Comment from PearlW
This is a sweet story, easy to read and follow. Thanks for taking use down memory lane with you.
I only have one problem with it. It's a bit on the short side, I'd love to have read more about the potatoe custom, the dish itself, where it orignated from, etc.
The story's also a bit passive. The third paragraphs is almost only in passive. Try to rewrite it.
Two little mistakes:
** The potato was cooled and was quickly shed of his (its) skin.
** There was alot (a lot) of movement in the kitchen as
I found it to be a very enjoyable read. With some 'fleshing' it can be even better.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2008
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This is a sweet story, easy to read and follow. Thanks for taking use down memory lane with you.
I only have one problem with it. It's a bit on the short side, I'd love to have read more about the potatoe custom, the dish itself, where it orignated from, etc.
The story's also a bit passive. The third paragraphs is almost only in passive. Try to rewrite it.
Two little mistakes:
** The potato was cooled and was quickly shed of his (its) skin.
** There was alot (a lot) of movement in the kitchen as
I found it to be a very enjoyable read. With some 'fleshing' it can be even better.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2008
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Thank you for your review and your comments. I will go back and take another look. Thank you.
Comment from Candis
Very nice story. I am not an expert on grammar, punctuation, etc but I am experienced on content and flow and you did a wonderful job. I felt the closeness, the wonder and the anticipation of the sweet candy you were making. It made me want to have some of my own. Very nice indeed!
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2008
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Very nice story. I am not an expert on grammar, punctuation, etc but I am experienced on content and flow and you did a wonderful job. I felt the closeness, the wonder and the anticipation of the sweet candy you were making. It made me want to have some of my own. Very nice indeed!
Comment Written 18-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2008
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Thank you for the great review! I appreciate your insights into the content and flow. An old teacher of mine said to "always be yourself and write from your heart." I agree.
Comment from Annmuma
I don't know if this could be refined passed its current lovely condition. I could smell the confection and felt the love as I read the piece. Good job. ann
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2008
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I don't know if this could be refined passed its current lovely condition. I could smell the confection and felt the love as I read the piece. Good job. ann
Comment Written 18-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2008
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Thank you for taking the time to read and rate this a five! I am glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from HalfHoff
ahhh ... what a beautiful and goose-bump inspiring story! I loved it! You related it perfectly and made me feel as if I was part of it. thank you! Lea Ann
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2008
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ahhh ... what a beautiful and goose-bump inspiring story! I loved it! You related it perfectly and made me feel as if I was part of it. thank you! Lea Ann
Comment Written 18-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2008
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I am so glad you enjoyed my story and thank you for the great rating! Goose-bumping? Did I write a suspense?(smile)
Comment from Victoria...
Very sweet story, so to speak. LOL. I love it when people make their own traditions. This sounds very delicious also!
One small suggestion. You have "It was one day before Christmas and it was time for our labor of love."
I would eliminate the second "it was". Two in the same sentence sounds awkward.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2008
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Very sweet story, so to speak. LOL. I love it when people make their own traditions. This sounds very delicious also!
One small suggestion. You have "It was one day before Christmas and it was time for our labor of love."
I would eliminate the second "it was". Two in the same sentence sounds awkward.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2008
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Thank you for the great rating! You are right, it does sound a little awkward, thanks. Glad you enjoyed the story.
Comment from Sleep
Hi gentle.
What an absolutely delightful slice of life, an insight into your memories of Christmas Eve.
I have never heard of the sweet that you describe and to be honest it sounds horribly strange yet seductively appetising, you must let me have the recipe.
Thank you for allowing me a brief glimpse into your home at such a precious time.
Regards,
Sleep......................
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2008
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Hi gentle.
What an absolutely delightful slice of life, an insight into your memories of Christmas Eve.
I have never heard of the sweet that you describe and to be honest it sounds horribly strange yet seductively appetising, you must let me have the recipe.
Thank you for allowing me a brief glimpse into your home at such a precious time.
Regards,
Sleep......................
Comment Written 18-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2008
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Thanks for the great rating! I am glad you enjoyed reading my story.
Comment from D. Longo
Hello, Gentle Wind . . . in your author's notes you ask that folks help you to refine "Heaven's Divinity." In light of the request, the following is offered: The writing is superb. As a rough and tumble cook, I have two questions for you. How long does it take to bake the creation described? How does one potato stretch into enough confection to fill "Many boxes filled with a taste of heaven . . . ?" Thank you for sharing this memory. D.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2008
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Hello, Gentle Wind . . . in your author's notes you ask that folks help you to refine "Heaven's Divinity." In light of the request, the following is offered: The writing is superb. As a rough and tumble cook, I have two questions for you. How long does it take to bake the creation described? How does one potato stretch into enough confection to fill "Many boxes filled with a taste of heaven . . . ?" Thank you for sharing this memory. D.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2008
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Thanks for the five star rating! No bake candy. Oh, it stretches very well.
Comment from carolm5415
I think it's just fine the way it is and what a wonderful family tradition. Although nowadays you'd probably get tarred and feathered for the peanut butter! A really nice, nostalgic story
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2008
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I think it's just fine the way it is and what a wonderful family tradition. Although nowadays you'd probably get tarred and feathered for the peanut butter! A really nice, nostalgic story
Comment Written 18-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2008
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I appreciate the great rating! I am glad you enjoyed the story. You are probably right about the peanut butter!
Comment from redrider6612
Really 'sweet' little story, hehe. No major SPAG, but there is a few things I would change:
It soon became a loaf of confection delight--how? was it rolled into a loaf? folded? mashed?
we went about the business of packaging it. Many boxes filled with a taste of heaven --maybe you could describe the packaging? what color boxes? were they cardboard? did you decorate them with bright ribbons?
Also, I don't recommend using exclamation points. I rarely do, and then I usually only do it in dialogue.
Aside from those little nitpicky things, very nice job. I enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2008
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Really 'sweet' little story, hehe. No major SPAG, but there is a few things I would change:
It soon became a loaf of confection delight--how? was it rolled into a loaf? folded? mashed?
we went about the business of packaging it. Many boxes filled with a taste of heaven --maybe you could describe the packaging? what color boxes? were they cardboard? did you decorate them with bright ribbons?
Also, I don't recommend using exclamation points. I rarely do, and then I usually only do it in dialogue.
Aside from those little nitpicky things, very nice job. I enjoyed it.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2008
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Thanks for the great rating! Good suggestions. I will look things over again.
Comment from Permelia
I love the art work you chose to go with your memory of your
Christmas'. I never heard of this type of divinity made with a potato. Are you willing to share the recipe?
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2008
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I love the art work you chose to go with your memory of your
Christmas'. I never heard of this type of divinity made with a potato. Are you willing to share the recipe?
Comment Written 17-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2008
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Thank you so much for the great rating! Can't share the recipe as of yet. Sorry. I am glad you enjoyed sharing my Christmas memories with me.
