Up On Sullivan's Hill
An Epic Tale: A Little Fact; A Little Fiction64 total reviews
Comment from kdsean
Genius. This rings like "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow," which is one of my favorites, except it's a happier ending. I really love this piece, it's probably the best thing I've read on this site. The poem flows beautifully, your word choices are spot on, the tale is gripping, I turned off all distractions in order to really get in to the mood you were setting. This was just a fantastic piece. Salut!
kdsean
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2007
  |
Genius. This rings like "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow," which is one of my favorites, except it's a happier ending. I really love this piece, it's probably the best thing I've read on this site. The poem flows beautifully, your word choices are spot on, the tale is gripping, I turned off all distractions in order to really get in to the mood you were setting. This was just a fantastic piece. Salut!
kdsean
Comment Written 15-Oct-2007
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2007
-
Hello kdsean! I believe this is the first review of my work that you have written, and I am deeply honored and humbled by your praise! It was such a pleasure to write; thought so much of how my father would have enjoyed it! Pleased also that you think it flows well; that been a point of concern for me. I hope to record it and add that element. That would be fun! Take Care...diane
Comment from Melba
To begin, you chose an excellent picture for your story. That was and interesting and absorbing story. It was original and perfect for Halloween. You were very descriptive and brought good imagery to your story. Well done.
Best wishes,
Melba
 |
To begin, you chose an excellent picture for your story. That was and interesting and absorbing story. It was original and perfect for Halloween. You were very descriptive and brought good imagery to your story. Well done.
Best wishes,
Melba
Comment Written 15-Oct-2007
Comment from Polly_Pisces
Yes! Diane that was fookin' awesome!
Pardon me English, bad company and all yer know..hehe.
Upon the Great Lakes these villains did sail
Or so their story's often told
But they weren't sailing for soft pelts and fur;
Their quest was for women and gold--Aye, indeed I knew this was going to be a great tale when I read this line. Oh you never disappoint, ever.
Yer rock woman!
Loves yer, Polly
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2007
|
Yes! Diane that was fookin' awesome!
Pardon me English, bad company and all yer know..hehe.
Upon the Great Lakes these villains did sail
Or so their story's often told
But they weren't sailing for soft pelts and fur;
Their quest was for women and gold--Aye, indeed I knew this was going to be a great tale when I read this line. Oh you never disappoint, ever.
Yer rock woman!
Loves yer, Polly
Comment Written 15-Oct-2007
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2007
-
Aye...'Tis a sad tale, this one is....but one thing is "fer shure:" Don't go messin up Maude Sullivan's bed...or she'll shoot yah "fookin' dead!"
Translation: Yup, if I had been one of the daughters, my mom would have been sorely angered that Capt. Swarthout or his son had ravaged me, but she would have been downright "pissed" to think she had spent all those weeks tending to both of them in her beautiful bedrooms - filled with four poster Captain's beds - and this was all the thanks she was given!!!!
Ah! A fun write....It sounds pretty good when I recite it aloud! Just may make a recording of it.
Take Care!
diane
-
lol, yeah do it, I wanna her yer read it...
-
I'd have to find a MP3Player...yes?
-
Yeah, I believe so...
Comment from Bellydanser
A gruesome and very appropriate tale for the contest, Mrs. KT. I don't know how specific you intend the meter to be. I wanted to read this in tempo, but it didn't let me. Otherwise, the reading was very clear and the story easy to follow. There was only one line that I found with an extra syllable (yes, I know...anal me. I counted them all):
"Among treacherous rocks, strong and bold" -- might suggest finding a two-syllable word for 'treacherous' to keep the syllable count right on.
|
A gruesome and very appropriate tale for the contest, Mrs. KT. I don't know how specific you intend the meter to be. I wanted to read this in tempo, but it didn't let me. Otherwise, the reading was very clear and the story easy to follow. There was only one line that I found with an extra syllable (yes, I know...anal me. I counted them all):
"Among treacherous rocks, strong and bold" -- might suggest finding a two-syllable word for 'treacherous' to keep the syllable count right on.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2007
Comment from GerryMacNeil
Wonderful saga, told with such dash! This is a very impressive job, and I commend you for it. I also commend you for the incredible model you had in a mother. Such strength and conviction! Thanks for writing this! GerryMacNeil
|
Wonderful saga, told with such dash! This is a very impressive job, and I commend you for it. I also commend you for the incredible model you had in a mother. Such strength and conviction! Thanks for writing this! GerryMacNeil
Comment Written 15-Oct-2007
Comment from Honus X Heppablatte
this is a spooky trip down memory lanbe that is a joy to read, great imagery and tight tempo bind the story/poem together expertly.Thanks for posting this one here at fanstory.
|
this is a spooky trip down memory lanbe that is a joy to read, great imagery and tight tempo bind the story/poem together expertly.Thanks for posting this one here at fanstory.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2007
Comment from KiaKai Isles
I want to thank you for finally sinking my Halloween poem's chances, And even if I did win I wouldn't take it because of the Epic Brilliance of this work
Great story man
This is just an unbelievable work
It must of taken you forever, It's not that ii is a long poem it is that it has such a fantastis structure throughout the whole work.
I love the dynamig descriptions of everything, THe two main characters, the landscape,
All brilliant. I will say that you will win this
A 6 for you
Travis
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2007
|
I want to thank you for finally sinking my Halloween poem's chances, And even if I did win I wouldn't take it because of the Epic Brilliance of this work
Great story man
This is just an unbelievable work
It must of taken you forever, It's not that ii is a long poem it is that it has such a fantastis structure throughout the whole work.
I love the dynamig descriptions of everything, THe two main characters, the landscape,
All brilliant. I will say that you will win this
A 6 for you
Travis
Comment Written 15-Oct-2007
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2007
-
Much appreciation, Travis, for your kind words. So pleased that you enjoyed; you made my day! diane
Comment from dip-a-dee-do
I found this to be a fantastic story and I think it is a great contest entry..
Good luck my dear..
Oh I sent you a PM..
Donna
|
I found this to be a fantastic story and I think it is a great contest entry..
Good luck my dear..
Oh I sent you a PM..
Donna
Comment Written 14-Oct-2007
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Mrs. KT ....
Whilst this is a very good story, the fact that you have worked with a
syllable count of 10-8-10-8 is responsible for the fact that you do not have a regular metre count and thus you also do not have a smooth, easy-flowing rhythm.
The metre is attained by counting the accentuated syllables - not the number of
syllables in a line.
I have given you 5 stars for the sake of the story but I suppose by rights,
this should be 4 stars because of the metre ... or rather, the lack of it.
The name Swarthout (meaning Blackwood) is interesting. Perhaps the
original Swarthout went to America from Holland.
Thank you for sharing this with us and I wish you well in the Contest.
With love from .... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2007
|
Hullo Mrs. KT ....
Whilst this is a very good story, the fact that you have worked with a
syllable count of 10-8-10-8 is responsible for the fact that you do not have a regular metre count and thus you also do not have a smooth, easy-flowing rhythm.
The metre is attained by counting the accentuated syllables - not the number of
syllables in a line.
I have given you 5 stars for the sake of the story but I suppose by rights,
this should be 4 stars because of the metre ... or rather, the lack of it.
The name Swarthout (meaning Blackwood) is interesting. Perhaps the
original Swarthout went to America from Holland.
Thank you for sharing this with us and I wish you well in the Contest.
With love from .... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2007
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2007
-
Hello Nantte Mary: Am pleased you stopped by. But if I may, the rhythm is just fine for this poet; I've read it aloud more times than I care to count, and it flows very well. Additionally, I am quite knowledgeable as to how metre is attained in poetry. Poetic license means that one can experiment with any part of writing. We should all be celebrating the fact that this is the place to experiment. diane
-
That's fine .... as long as you are happy with your writing, that's what
matters. However - when you do have a regular metre (counting
the accentuated syllables, not just the number of syllables in a line,
your rhythm makes for really enjoyable reading.)
With love from ... Nanette Mary.
-
Ah well...tomatoe....tomatoe...I rarely write rhyming poetry, and in this case, the story is there, the characterizarion is there, the rhyming is there, and when read aloud, the meter is there....so it goes.... Hope all is well in your part of the world. The northern winds are truly beginning to blow here....diane
Comment from Jer4Clarity
Well, Mrs. KT, This is the winner takes all poem of the bunch. wow you never cease to amaze me with you ability to write on and on...incredible poem that should take top honors!
~(;) Jer4Clarity
Creator of the Clarity Pyramid
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2007
|
Well, Mrs. KT, This is the winner takes all poem of the bunch. wow you never cease to amaze me with you ability to write on and on...incredible poem that should take top honors!
~(;) Jer4Clarity
Creator of the Clarity Pyramid
Comment Written 14-Oct-2007
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2007
-
Hey Jer....It was just so much fun to pen. I only wish my dad was still alive. He filled my life with Prince Valiant and loved the "Legend of Sleepy Hollow." I have such wonderful memories of his reading poems aloud when I was a little girl. Anyway, glad you enjoyed...diane
