Poetry, Dreams In Motion.
Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "The Ballad Of Two"A collection of poetry.
5 total reviews
Comment from auspicious76
This is soooo sweet. Friendship can often lead to a deeper love than many of us ever get to experience. A love that face all things, just as you said, and views all the turmoils as another step to bringing them closer.
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This is soooo sweet. Friendship can often lead to a deeper love than many of us ever get to experience. A love that face all things, just as you said, and views all the turmoils as another step to bringing them closer.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2007
Comment from Nescher Pyscher
Then dawns a day, much down the road,
When what they share begins to grow.
A spoken word, all un-be-knownst,
Sets them down a different road. (Using a word to rhyme against itself almost never works, Ric. Reconsider?)
aising a family through all dispairs(despairs?)...
A great premise here, Ric.
:0)
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Then dawns a day, much down the road,
When what they share begins to grow.
A spoken word, all un-be-knownst,
Sets them down a different road. (Using a word to rhyme against itself almost never works, Ric. Reconsider?)
aising a family through all dispairs(despairs?)...
A great premise here, Ric.
:0)
Comment Written 10-Sep-2006
Comment from Thrudivinegrace
My that is suicha refreshing look at what true love means. This is the sort of writing you can give a person to let them know you care deeply for them far beyond that feeling one gets with friends. It is both deep and emotional but overall it is true and understandable no matter the language.
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My that is suicha refreshing look at what true love means. This is the sort of writing you can give a person to let them know you care deeply for them far beyond that feeling one gets with friends. It is both deep and emotional but overall it is true and understandable no matter the language.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2006
Comment from memorylane
Im not a rhyme liking person but thought your poem was lovely. It made me picture a young carefree couple, with a christian feel of love and marriage. I was lost a little in the middle thinking they had already married then realised they hadn't. Over all I thought it was very well thought out, without the rhymes being too obvious,which I liked.
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Im not a rhyme liking person but thought your poem was lovely. It made me picture a young carefree couple, with a christian feel of love and marriage. I was lost a little in the middle thinking they had already married then realised they hadn't. Over all I thought it was very well thought out, without the rhymes being too obvious,which I liked.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2006
Comment from bjivor2005
A couple quick things. Un-be-known should probably be unbeknownst. And, 'they've always knew' isn't exactly grammatically correct. I'd suggest getting rid of the 've part of they've.
The rhythm of this piece holds steady. Only a few rough spots in it. I like that you come full circle at the end. Skilled used of diction.
The only negative, however, is a surprising lack of detail. We know absolutely nothing about these two people, for all of these words. Not even a caricature is presented, and this lack of detail, this lack of actual events taking place, keeps the reader -well, this reader, at least - from identifying with your characters.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2006
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A couple quick things. Un-be-known should probably be unbeknownst. And, 'they've always knew' isn't exactly grammatically correct. I'd suggest getting rid of the 've part of they've.
The rhythm of this piece holds steady. Only a few rough spots in it. I like that you come full circle at the end. Skilled used of diction.
The only negative, however, is a surprising lack of detail. We know absolutely nothing about these two people, for all of these words. Not even a caricature is presented, and this lack of detail, this lack of actual events taking place, keeps the reader -well, this reader, at least - from identifying with your characters.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2006
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2006
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I am sorry that you did not identify with this piece. It was not intended to portray any couple in particular. It was meant as a broad overview... But... all in all... I am glad that you liked it. Thank you for taking the time to read and review my work. I look forward to hearing from you in the future!
