O Evils!
5-7-5. Short-lived dark pleasure or long-lived white joy?186 total reviews
Comment from MM lives on :)
Very creative poem you have Alcreator Litt Dear.. And written in 5-7-5 style none the less. Great use of imagery as well alongside your poem.. Thank you ever much for sharing.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
  |
Very creative poem you have Alcreator Litt Dear.. And written in 5-7-5 style none the less. Great use of imagery as well alongside your poem.. Thank you ever much for sharing.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
-
THANKS FOR PROFESSIONAL REVIEW.
Comment from Doc Holiday
Not everthing is always meant to be black and white. The real pleasures sometimes take on a grey effect and we realize that it is merely our perception that is out of focus. Good 5-7-5.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
 |
Not everthing is always meant to be black and white. The real pleasures sometimes take on a grey effect and we realize that it is merely our perception that is out of focus. Good 5-7-5.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
-
THANKS FOR EXCELLENT REVIEW.
Comment from Bobbi22
Interesting 5-7-5 using the contrasts of black and white. The reader is questioned if he is happy with what he has or if may he would be happier after he has experienced another kind of joy in his life. Thought provoking poem.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
|
Interesting 5-7-5 using the contrasts of black and white. The reader is questioned if he is happy with what he has or if may he would be happier after he has experienced another kind of joy in his life. Thought provoking poem.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
-
THANKS FOR CREATIVE REVIEW.
Comment from J.R Dickinson
I find this strangely alluring and beguiling, though I still feel like I'm missing part of its meaning, so I'm probably going to have to read it a few more times. No matter, you did an amazing job.
I've noticed you put incredible power behind your poems, however small or short, which is an amazing gift. Congratulations on the Recognized ribbon. It's well deserved.
Sincerely,
J.R
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
|
I find this strangely alluring and beguiling, though I still feel like I'm missing part of its meaning, so I'm probably going to have to read it a few more times. No matter, you did an amazing job.
I've noticed you put incredible power behind your poems, however small or short, which is an amazing gift. Congratulations on the Recognized ribbon. It's well deserved.
Sincerely,
J.R
Comment Written 31-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
-
THANKS FOR AUTHENTIC REVIEW.
Comment from starkat
Within the realms of joy many colors exist including white and black. So joy is a matter of perspective. Taste depends on the taster. Tasting joy could be a happy experience for a sinister mind where dark bitterness is the favored flavored ice cream. Either way, joy is usually short-lived. If black pleasure consumes white joy, indigestion could occur. Is evil contagious, and joy infectious? Pleasure principles may be in play here.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
|
Within the realms of joy many colors exist including white and black. So joy is a matter of perspective. Taste depends on the taster. Tasting joy could be a happy experience for a sinister mind where dark bitterness is the favored flavored ice cream. Either way, joy is usually short-lived. If black pleasure consumes white joy, indigestion could occur. Is evil contagious, and joy infectious? Pleasure principles may be in play here.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
-
THANKS FOR PROFESSIONAL REVIEW.
Comment from visionary1234
Though you give us lots of ephemeral images, we don't emerge with a conclusion that you've come to ... the last line needs to give us that and make grammatical sense - I think it would then be more powerful.
:)S
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
 |
Though you give us lots of ephemeral images, we don't emerge with a conclusion that you've come to ... the last line needs to give us that and make grammatical sense - I think it would then be more powerful.
:)S
Comment Written 31-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
-
THANKS.
Comment from Peter Mansson
I actually enjoyed this for the message it almost clearly conveyed. A note about not having any reference to race would have helped. So, by having once experienced spiritual(white) bliss you should never be satisfied just with earthly(black) pleasures.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
|
I actually enjoyed this for the message it almost clearly conveyed. A note about not having any reference to race would have helped. So, by having once experienced spiritual(white) bliss you should never be satisfied just with earthly(black) pleasures.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
-
THANKS FOR COMMENDABLE REVIEW.
Comment from jaliscomel
This has the traditional 5-7-5 format, which is not necessary for English senryu. However, you have used color (dark, black, white) which adde s new dimension to the haiku. Remember, haiku never uses capitals unless the words are capitalized normally (like names) or punctuation. The cutting word in line 2 should make any punctuation unnecessary.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
|
This has the traditional 5-7-5 format, which is not necessary for English senryu. However, you have used color (dark, black, white) which adde s new dimension to the haiku. Remember, haiku never uses capitals unless the words are capitalized normally (like names) or punctuation. The cutting word in line 2 should make any punctuation unnecessary.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
-
THANKS FOR PROFESSIONAL REVIEW.
Comment from seewhatimwritingnow
Happy with short-lived
Dark, illusive, black pleasure?
If tasted white joy!
I understand this, up to a point. Yes, many are happy indulging in dark, evil pleasures- sometimes VERY long-lived, even throughout life. Did not understand "If tasted white joy'? Are you saying that their evil pleasures, they thought were good? Thanks for another 'thought provoking' poem. Betty
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
|
Happy with short-lived
Dark, illusive, black pleasure?
If tasted white joy!
I understand this, up to a point. Yes, many are happy indulging in dark, evil pleasures- sometimes VERY long-lived, even throughout life. Did not understand "If tasted white joy'? Are you saying that their evil pleasures, they thought were good? Thanks for another 'thought provoking' poem. Betty
Comment Written 31-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
-
THANKS FOR QUEST REVIEW.
Comment from Curt Mongold
According to Darth Vader, there is nothing like the power of the dark side. How does one know for sure unless one tries? To be afraid of it is to let it win, and what else is there?
Curt
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
|
According to Darth Vader, there is nothing like the power of the dark side. How does one know for sure unless one tries? To be afraid of it is to let it win, and what else is there?
Curt
Comment Written 31-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
-
THANKS.
