Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Shouldn't Man Achieve Human Rank Status?"Experiences of living
132 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
I sense a lot of intensity and passion in your writer's soul and would love to see you hone the writing craft more arduously, as you have a ton to communicate but it is not getting communicated in the verbose and often undecipherable writing style I've noticed in most of your poems.
This one is more understandable than others I've read. But it is still not easy to read as one feels they are being shouted at with all those EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!!!! Another issue is the lack of enjambement between lines makes this quite choppy, and without any end-line punctuation, it's awkward to read.
Some lines make little sense and are grammatically unsound. Here's one example:
No worry! The certified humans are issued under seals
Thank, O God see our global ministerial workshops!
Spaggy lines abound. Here's an example:
Human! We've free schooling upto post doctorate level
Humans! We've free schooling up to post doctorate levels
or
Humanity! We've free schooling up to post doctorate level
The gist of the poem is discernible, but not so much for the specifics.
It still needs work if your aim is to communicate clearly.
I'm not sure if your inaccurate grammatical choices are made consciously or if perhaps English is your second language?
Best wishes,
rd
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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I sense a lot of intensity and passion in your writer's soul and would love to see you hone the writing craft more arduously, as you have a ton to communicate but it is not getting communicated in the verbose and often undecipherable writing style I've noticed in most of your poems.
This one is more understandable than others I've read. But it is still not easy to read as one feels they are being shouted at with all those EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!!!! Another issue is the lack of enjambement between lines makes this quite choppy, and without any end-line punctuation, it's awkward to read.
Some lines make little sense and are grammatically unsound. Here's one example:
No worry! The certified humans are issued under seals
Thank, O God see our global ministerial workshops!
Spaggy lines abound. Here's an example:
Human! We've free schooling upto post doctorate level
Humans! We've free schooling up to post doctorate levels
or
Humanity! We've free schooling up to post doctorate level
The gist of the poem is discernible, but not so much for the specifics.
It still needs work if your aim is to communicate clearly.
I'm not sure if your inaccurate grammatical choices are made consciously or if perhaps English is your second language?
Best wishes,
rd
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks
Comment from starkat
Quite a thought-provoking acrostic, ALCREATOR. There is a bit of humor mixed in with philosophy and this poem could easily fit into the philosophy category. The next human generation will have judicious systems and better control measures than the one's God currently has in place - and that's good as we recognize that the unwritten , unseen rules are obsolete, and we observe unfairness distributed around the globe when it comes to life, liberty - access to health care, education and opportunities available to grow and prosper.
And so, we humans must rank ourselves as human as opposed to ... it gets harder as the machines take over hell bent on making humans obsolete. Perhaps machines will be able create the best humans possible that could live forever - important if we have spaceships that will travel for thousands of years to distant galaxies. Machines aren't human, but will they eventually rule us, control us ... maybe laugh and ridicule us? Future generations should be aware, and careful - though they may be made so submissive they'll have no will to fight back and reassert their human rank.
In the future, there will be certified humans. The definition of what it means to be human will be changed, for the better - depending on who programs the complicated software. Currently, we are misled under an illusion of what 'human' is? So far, we are the highest level of thinking creatures and rank ourselves #1 among all living entities. Is this delusion and perhaps danger lurks in the wings? Discoveries of other dimensions and perhaps parallel universes could drastically change our direction of thought and feelings. No one knows for sure what the future holds. There may be a battle someday to save humankind. Future history books may chronicle this battle, and the degree to which we won or lost.
You do an excellent job with the acrostic format and getting your message across. Enjoyed some of the different thought universes your poem took me to.
Well done ... ;o) starkat
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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Quite a thought-provoking acrostic, ALCREATOR. There is a bit of humor mixed in with philosophy and this poem could easily fit into the philosophy category. The next human generation will have judicious systems and better control measures than the one's God currently has in place - and that's good as we recognize that the unwritten , unseen rules are obsolete, and we observe unfairness distributed around the globe when it comes to life, liberty - access to health care, education and opportunities available to grow and prosper.
And so, we humans must rank ourselves as human as opposed to ... it gets harder as the machines take over hell bent on making humans obsolete. Perhaps machines will be able create the best humans possible that could live forever - important if we have spaceships that will travel for thousands of years to distant galaxies. Machines aren't human, but will they eventually rule us, control us ... maybe laugh and ridicule us? Future generations should be aware, and careful - though they may be made so submissive they'll have no will to fight back and reassert their human rank.
In the future, there will be certified humans. The definition of what it means to be human will be changed, for the better - depending on who programs the complicated software. Currently, we are misled under an illusion of what 'human' is? So far, we are the highest level of thinking creatures and rank ourselves #1 among all living entities. Is this delusion and perhaps danger lurks in the wings? Discoveries of other dimensions and perhaps parallel universes could drastically change our direction of thought and feelings. No one knows for sure what the future holds. There may be a battle someday to save humankind. Future history books may chronicle this battle, and the degree to which we won or lost.
You do an excellent job with the acrostic format and getting your message across. Enjoyed some of the different thought universes your poem took me to.
Well done ... ;o) starkat
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for superb fantastic professional review
appreciated much
your wisdom sparks in your words
greatly done the job
Comment from barbara.wilkey
The flow of this poem is very good, but I did find it a bit confusing to read. It may just be me. I am not a poet, so I won't mark you down for it.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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The flow of this poem is very good, but I did find it a bit confusing to read. It may just be me. I am not a poet, so I won't mark you down for it.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for the review
Comment from letterB
A lot of good points are presented in this poetic rant. Not aspiring but a good read for those bad days of life that we all incur.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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A lot of good points are presented in this poetic rant. Not aspiring but a good read for those bad days of life that we all incur.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks
Comment from Black_Oxygen
This piece held my interest from start to finish. I
speaks more than one truth. It is written well and
well thought out. It flows nicely from one statement
to the next. Thank You for your creation.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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This piece held my interest from start to finish. I
speaks more than one truth. It is written well and
well thought out. It flows nicely from one statement
to the next. Thank You for your creation.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for good professional review
Comment from JM daSilva
I'm still thinking about what makes a person human. That's one thing this poem made me think about. In some senses, some animals are more human than we are.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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I'm still thinking about what makes a person human. That's one thing this poem made me think about. In some senses, some animals are more human than we are.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for good review
Comment from Pili Pubul
I find the subject very interesting, the acrostic style is in order but must confess that the messages are not easy to understand.
I try to extract the good food for thought, but find it to confusing .
Perhaps is just me.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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I find the subject very interesting, the acrostic style is in order but must confess that the messages are not easy to understand.
I try to extract the good food for thought, but find it to confusing .
Perhaps is just me.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks
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Welcome
Comment from Itdoesntmatter
Sadly you are true. Doesn't history show us that with each attempt to rise above the Deity everything comes crashing down? How many centuries of wisdom is needed to heel to the temptations? Why can we not just love and treat each other like we desire? I believe it's not love that is the root of our being, but the evil we are born with. Great job.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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Sadly you are true. Doesn't history show us that with each attempt to rise above the Deity everything comes crashing down? How many centuries of wisdom is needed to heel to the temptations? Why can we not just love and treat each other like we desire? I believe it's not love that is the root of our being, but the evil we are born with. Great job.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for nice professional review
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You are right, all of us are born into evil. But unlike even the Angels, we have a chance to redeem ourselves. But, until we finally go home, Satan has a playing field and who better than to play with but those beyond his control. Evil is all around us, it's how we deal with it that makes us stand above any other creature created.
Comment from robina1978
I never saw anything by you before but I liked this very much. The only way to write all this is in an Acrostic. You covered so much ground here.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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I never saw anything by you before but I liked this very much. The only way to write all this is in an Acrostic. You covered so much ground here.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for good review
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welcome to all of them:)
Comment from Tina McKala
you have really an interesting style. this rant had a strong energy, good flow of words and a message. you expressed your opinions well.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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you have really an interesting style. this rant had a strong energy, good flow of words and a message. you expressed your opinions well.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for the review
