Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Promote Humanity Serve Mankind B' Human"Experiences of living
67 total reviews
Comment from jaeladarling
You seem to be the prominent poet of the day. :) You're well on your way to a great poetry collection, and this piece will make a great addition. Nice work!
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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You seem to be the prominent poet of the day. :) You're well on your way to a great poetry collection, and this piece will make a great addition. Nice work!
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for nice review
Comment from October21
You have a loud voice and are not afraid to use it, to share it with us all- well done for having that confidence and ability to write about what you are passionate about. Not many can do this.
Loved the questions asked, very thought-provoking!:D perhaps you over-used the semi-colon, though!
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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You have a loud voice and are not afraid to use it, to share it with us all- well done for having that confidence and ability to write about what you are passionate about. Not many can do this.
Loved the questions asked, very thought-provoking!:D perhaps you over-used the semi-colon, though!
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for honest review
Comment from smudge
This is a better poem. I particularly like "Human hue in mankind" It works on two levels the mix of attributes people have could be another interpretation.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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This is a better poem. I particularly like "Human hue in mankind" It works on two levels the mix of attributes people have could be another interpretation.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for good review
Comment from God's Writer
Boy you do have a lot to say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bravo, it is nice to be able to read one great poem after another. Thank you very much
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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Boy you do have a lot to say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bravo, it is nice to be able to read one great poem after another. Thank you very much
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for good review
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You're welcome. Stop by sometime and let me paint a word picture for you.
Comment from kiwisteveh
Once again, muddled language and in places muddled logic weakens your poem. I shall refer to the first stanza as an example:
why ne'er? There seems no reason for the abbreviated form.
doesn't sunshine do ever? - makes no sense
Orphan no child; does an animal leave such example? Logic seems wildly wrong here; animals kill other animals all the time, presumably often leaving orphans in the process.
Mortify never; do oceans displease anyone? The example seems a bit random - why would humans follow the example of lifeless things? You could equally say ' Stand still, do mountains ever move?
The rest of the lines in this stanza contain similar confusing or illogical statements.
Steve
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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Once again, muddled language and in places muddled logic weakens your poem. I shall refer to the first stanza as an example:
why ne'er? There seems no reason for the abbreviated form.
doesn't sunshine do ever? - makes no sense
Orphan no child; does an animal leave such example? Logic seems wildly wrong here; animals kill other animals all the time, presumably often leaving orphans in the process.
Mortify never; do oceans displease anyone? The example seems a bit random - why would humans follow the example of lifeless things? You could equally say ' Stand still, do mountains ever move?
The rest of the lines in this stanza contain similar confusing or illogical statements.
Steve
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks
Comment from Dave Russell
While this chapter seems to have a less confusing and rambling theme, it still comes down to this...if the average reader has to reread your work because it is so difficult to follow, instead of rereading the piece due to profoundness or wow factor, then you are wasting words. Try to organize your thoughts, use less chaotic phrases.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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While this chapter seems to have a less confusing and rambling theme, it still comes down to this...if the average reader has to reread your work because it is so difficult to follow, instead of rereading the piece due to profoundness or wow factor, then you are wasting words. Try to organize your thoughts, use less chaotic phrases.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks
Comment from amahra
So many 5 stars on this poem is kin to the Emperor's new cloths. People didn't want to be seen as crazy so they admired the king's new cloths even though he wasn't wearing any. I don't understand anything in this poem.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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So many 5 stars on this poem is kin to the Emperor's new cloths. People didn't want to be seen as crazy so they admired the king's new cloths even though he wasn't wearing any. I don't understand anything in this poem.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks
Comment from Gloria ....
Interesting poem Al. My one observation is I find it rather didactic in tone. In poetry I like to feel the author's authenticity. Is it real? Does it feel honest and coming from a place of deep contemplation or experience. Or is it humorous and intended to arouse mirth and joy from simple observation of quirks and quarks.
I find neither here.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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Interesting poem Al. My one observation is I find it rather didactic in tone. In poetry I like to feel the author's authenticity. Is it real? Does it feel honest and coming from a place of deep contemplation or experience. Or is it humorous and intended to arouse mirth and joy from simple observation of quirks and quarks.
I find neither here.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for interesting and commendable review
Comment from Kingsland
Some of these phrases and questions I understood and others were just a way of clever writing as I see them. Yet this over all was well written and I did get the message you were delivering here. I enjoyed reading this well written piece of poetic art... John
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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Some of these phrases and questions I understood and others were just a way of clever writing as I see them. Yet this over all was well written and I did get the message you were delivering here. I enjoyed reading this well written piece of poetic art... John
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for good professional review
Comment from MidnightWriter4U
"Orphan no child; does an animal leave such example?" Doesn't say much for mankind, does it? "Knowledge; wisdom helps; can a fool earn humanness?" The problem is that all man's knowledge is foolishness unto God. We can only reach the maximum potential of our partly used brains. It has been said, that a little knowledge is more dangerous than more knowledge. I say, knowledge without God is extremely dangerous and will lead to the destruction of mankind. Great read!
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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"Orphan no child; does an animal leave such example?" Doesn't say much for mankind, does it? "Knowledge; wisdom helps; can a fool earn humanness?" The problem is that all man's knowledge is foolishness unto God. We can only reach the maximum potential of our partly used brains. It has been said, that a little knowledge is more dangerous than more knowledge. I say, knowledge without God is extremely dangerous and will lead to the destruction of mankind. Great read!
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for excellent professional review
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You are very welcome. MN :)
