O My God and Mother Nature!
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Ol' Wave!"Appreciation of God and Mother Nature
89 total reviews
Comment from Aevum
I like this poem. It's short, and to the point(though the point alluded me slightly...). The wording is very good, allowing the poem to flow. It almost seems though, like your talking in half sentences. Which is often a good thing in poems, but occationally it seems choppy - like a child speaking. "Calm now, see day light." That line in perticular threw me off.
Overall though I think it's a ver good poem.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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I like this poem. It's short, and to the point(though the point alluded me slightly...). The wording is very good, allowing the poem to flow. It almost seems though, like your talking in half sentences. Which is often a good thing in poems, but occationally it seems choppy - like a child speaking. "Calm now, see day light." That line in perticular threw me off.
Overall though I think it's a ver good poem.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2006
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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THANK YOU.
Comment from Sheila Bruce
Your work seems to be improving, I think I understood this one :) Once again I think there are a few issues with the translation from your native tongue to English, making me wish I could read your work in it's original language. However, because of the improvements in translation I can see, and the fact I don't fault you for the mis-translations, I'm happy to give you four stars today.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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Your work seems to be improving, I think I understood this one :) Once again I think there are a few issues with the translation from your native tongue to English, making me wish I could read your work in it's original language. However, because of the improvements in translation I can see, and the fact I don't fault you for the mis-translations, I'm happy to give you four stars today.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2006
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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THANK YOU.
Comment from chaosrider89
This is very interesting. I like the style and the imagery. It flows very well. All in all a great poem. Keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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This is very interesting. I like the style and the imagery. It flows very well. All in all a great poem. Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2006
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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THANKS A LOT FOR THIS REVIEW I DO APPRECIATE.
Comment from IamSpook
Hello ALCREATOR WRITER
This was an interesting piece. I read it through eight times and gained a little each time. It forces you to think and see a meaning.
A good line revealing humanity:
Marooned hearts cry help for hours.
Best Regards,
Mark
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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Hello ALCREATOR WRITER
This was an interesting piece. I read it through eight times and gained a little each time. It forces you to think and see a meaning.
A good line revealing humanity:
Marooned hearts cry help for hours.
Best Regards,
Mark
Comment Written 14-Aug-2006
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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THANKS A LOT FOR THIS PROFESSIONAL REVIEW I DO APPRECIATE MUCH.
Comment from starkat
Hi AW, Ol' Wave!, My take on the picture... reflection from the water, reflection from the sky. What is the nature of the object being reflected? Its significance has subjective substance value to the viewer who thinks he is clever and cannot be deceived as to which is which and what is what. That logic could be faulty and he must explore the intentionality of perception. Predispositions must also be taken into account. The relationship between the reflection of the object, the object itself, and the third party ( the viewer) creates a separate reality that could also be encompassed by a fourth party ( an invisible-out of mind-totally receptive and comprehending being). Cool picture. Re: poem... a small mental transposition resulted in .. Strike back you hominids! ( take action people - who commands this?), Dark high waters will lash stone houses! ( how will people react to that?) Marooned hearts cry help for hours ( lonely souls stranded on an island waste time in useless crying) Calm now, see daylight ( not always calm, daylight is questionable). Rebreathe off shore.. (automatic reflex response) to breathing on shore. Faiths find sunshine ( nature of all faiths to find sunshine to specifically shine on them) glow sprout genes (how faith reproduces - genetically) All people will smile and be happy when the dark days fade away and disappear. Enjoyed your poem. Cheers. :-)
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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Hi AW, Ol' Wave!, My take on the picture... reflection from the water, reflection from the sky. What is the nature of the object being reflected? Its significance has subjective substance value to the viewer who thinks he is clever and cannot be deceived as to which is which and what is what. That logic could be faulty and he must explore the intentionality of perception. Predispositions must also be taken into account. The relationship between the reflection of the object, the object itself, and the third party ( the viewer) creates a separate reality that could also be encompassed by a fourth party ( an invisible-out of mind-totally receptive and comprehending being). Cool picture. Re: poem... a small mental transposition resulted in .. Strike back you hominids! ( take action people - who commands this?), Dark high waters will lash stone houses! ( how will people react to that?) Marooned hearts cry help for hours ( lonely souls stranded on an island waste time in useless crying) Calm now, see daylight ( not always calm, daylight is questionable). Rebreathe off shore.. (automatic reflex response) to breathing on shore. Faiths find sunshine ( nature of all faiths to find sunshine to specifically shine on them) glow sprout genes (how faith reproduces - genetically) All people will smile and be happy when the dark days fade away and disappear. Enjoyed your poem. Cheers. :-)
Comment Written 14-Aug-2006
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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THANK YOU FOR THIS COMPREHENSIVE PROFESSIONAL REVIEW I APPRECIATE.
Comment from DeboraDyess
I read this poem twice, wanting to get full impact (and, no, twice is not a lot, but with 3 teenagers, the Sunday night before school starts it is a pressure point just to be online!) I thought it was well written, conveyed emotion and, for the most part, clear emotion. Here are a couple of suggestions:
I see you are using punctuation at the ends of phrases; maybe it would be helpful for the reader to get your emphasis if you used it inside the body of the piece, as well. 'Back you strike men!" is totally different from "Back you strike, men!" and i wasnt' sure how to read this, and other, lines.
Marooned hearts cry help for hours." is a beautifully tragic line, accurate and chilling.
"Lives smile fading ol' dark days." Another tender, picturesque line!
I look froward to reading a bit more of your poetry (I'm not actually a poem lover, but will take the time to read some of the book mentioned.) MamaDeb
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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I read this poem twice, wanting to get full impact (and, no, twice is not a lot, but with 3 teenagers, the Sunday night before school starts it is a pressure point just to be online!) I thought it was well written, conveyed emotion and, for the most part, clear emotion. Here are a couple of suggestions:
I see you are using punctuation at the ends of phrases; maybe it would be helpful for the reader to get your emphasis if you used it inside the body of the piece, as well. 'Back you strike men!" is totally different from "Back you strike, men!" and i wasnt' sure how to read this, and other, lines.
Marooned hearts cry help for hours." is a beautifully tragic line, accurate and chilling.
"Lives smile fading ol' dark days." Another tender, picturesque line!
I look froward to reading a bit more of your poetry (I'm not actually a poem lover, but will take the time to read some of the book mentioned.) MamaDeb
Comment Written 13-Aug-2006
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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THANKS. YOU MAY READ IT NOW FOR AN IMPROVED VIEWPOINT.
Comment from Mastery
Although this is a fine piece of poetry, I felt all the way through that you should have ended some lines and started with new ones for the sake of better flow..Good thoughts expressed very well...Bob/Mastery
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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Although this is a fine piece of poetry, I felt all the way through that you should have ended some lines and started with new ones for the sake of better flow..Good thoughts expressed very well...Bob/Mastery
Comment Written 13-Aug-2006
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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THANKS A LOT FOR THIS MASTERLY WRITTEN REVIEW I DO APPRECIATE.
Comment from Josipher32
I have not read this entire book of poetry, but if the other chapters are as good as this one, I may give it a glance. Thanks. Great job. No errors.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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I have not read this entire book of poetry, but if the other chapters are as good as this one, I may give it a glance. Thanks. Great job. No errors.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2006
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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THANKS FOR THIS REVIEW WITH HOPES FOR FURTHER READING I DO APPRECIATE.
Comment from DictionaryGirl
Wonderful poem I thought. I thought the flow was good I even liked this picture that you chose for it.
5 star reviews are so hard to write because everything is so good I don't have anything bad to say, but feel that it isn't anyhelp at all.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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Wonderful poem I thought. I thought the flow was good I even liked this picture that you chose for it.
5 star reviews are so hard to write because everything is so good I don't have anything bad to say, but feel that it isn't anyhelp at all.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2006
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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THANKS FOR THIS REVIEW I DO APPRECIATE.
Comment from drivenbackward
Okay, well done. Only problem might be that I think only about 15% of the population might have any idea what you're saying with such a sophisticated alignment of words. I enjoyed it though.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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Okay, well done. Only problem might be that I think only about 15% of the population might have any idea what you're saying with such a sophisticated alignment of words. I enjoyed it though.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2006
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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THANK YOU.
