For Suavecito
a harbor of no return...23 total reviews
Comment from Sally Law
Oh, this is wonderfully written and deeply sad. WWII has so much sadness in it and lovers parted by comflift and overwhelming circumstances. The YouTube song is sweet and so appreciated too. Sending you my best today as always, my friend, and my very best wishes in the contest.
Sal :)) xoxo
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Oh, this is wonderfully written and deeply sad. WWII has so much sadness in it and lovers parted by comflift and overwhelming circumstances. The YouTube song is sweet and so appreciated too. Sending you my best today as always, my friend, and my very best wishes in the contest.
Sal :)) xoxo
Comment Written 09-May-2024
Comment from nomi338
The courageous acts of men desperate to honor their country and themselves at the same time, will sometimes perform acts so brave, bold and daring that their actions become legendary. Such would be the case described in this action/adventure filled story.
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The courageous acts of men desperate to honor their country and themselves at the same time, will sometimes perform acts so brave, bold and daring that their actions become legendary. Such would be the case described in this action/adventure filled story.
Comment Written 08-May-2024
Comment from Sharon Elwell
The pacing in this story is great and pulls the reader along. For some reason, I thought it was taking place in the future, and it took me a while to relocate it. I would've helped me to have a year included in the date, although that may be more of a clue than you want to give.
There's a big difference between Suavecito and Suavecita. You have it both ways in different places.
There were a couple of sentences that confused me: "...to show Suavecito, mi linda, knew how much..."
and
"...always under target of a gun."
",,,the Pier..." should be "...the pier."
Good work, as usual!
reply by the author on 07-May-2024
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The pacing in this story is great and pulls the reader along. For some reason, I thought it was taking place in the future, and it took me a while to relocate it. I would've helped me to have a year included in the date, although that may be more of a clue than you want to give.
There's a big difference between Suavecito and Suavecita. You have it both ways in different places.
There were a couple of sentences that confused me: "...to show Suavecito, mi linda, knew how much..."
and
"...always under target of a gun."
",,,the Pier..." should be "...the pier."
Good work, as usual!
Comment Written 07-May-2024
reply by the author on 07-May-2024
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Uh-oh! Thank you for telling me about the spelling. I will edit it now.
Comment from Sanku
A historical fiction connected with the bombing of Pearl Harbour.The place from where they embark ,I presume is some where in Portugal? I relt the tragedy in my bones. He alone hsurvived ,even the girl is dead...allthe best for the contest..
reply by the author on 07-May-2024
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A historical fiction connected with the bombing of Pearl Harbour.The place from where they embark ,I presume is some where in Portugal? I relt the tragedy in my bones. He alone hsurvived ,even the girl is dead...allthe best for the contest..
Comment Written 07-May-2024
reply by the author on 07-May-2024
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I based the fictional locale near Portugal in my mind.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
A different time and pace but to speak how I feel xan simply be descriibed as confused. I guess the Asians were Japanese, but I felt as if I was in a third-world Spanish-speaking country. The boat was wooden, perhaps a dory, and I haven't a clue how they would arrive in Hi.
reply by the author on 07-May-2024
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A different time and pace but to speak how I feel xan simply be descriibed as confused. I guess the Asians were Japanese, but I felt as if I was in a third-world Spanish-speaking country. The boat was wooden, perhaps a dory, and I haven't a clue how they would arrive in Hi.
Comment Written 07-May-2024
reply by the author on 07-May-2024
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If this were for an actual book and I spent more time on it, I would have fleshed it out better.
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That?s okay
Your many fans understand
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I appreciate any criticism so that I can learn the craft of writing better.
Comment from Andrea Kepple
I enjoyed your story. I like stories that are able to keep me engaged and trigger an emotional reaction from me.
I like that your story uses the attack on Pearl Harbor as its backdrop, driving the urgency of the individuals involved in the story along with the main character's desire to save his love.
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I enjoyed your story. I like stories that are able to keep me engaged and trigger an emotional reaction from me.
I like that your story uses the attack on Pearl Harbor as its backdrop, driving the urgency of the individuals involved in the story along with the main character's desire to save his love.
Comment Written 06-May-2024
Comment from lyenochka
It's strange that the Japanese recognizance team would speak English and even hire a boat when most of their intelligence was by air, I think. And also, it was clear to all the the entire Pacific Fleet was in Hawaii at that time - an error the Navy tried to avoid except they did it again in Italy not much later. An engaging story and yes, who knows how many victims are not remembered in any war.
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It's strange that the Japanese recognizance team would speak English and even hire a boat when most of their intelligence was by air, I think. And also, it was clear to all the the entire Pacific Fleet was in Hawaii at that time - an error the Navy tried to avoid except they did it again in Italy not much later. An engaging story and yes, who knows how many victims are not remembered in any war.
Comment Written 06-May-2024
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Another powerful read, Jim, from your talented, imaginative pen. Action is definitely your forte and it's never long before we're gripped by the tension and wondering if our hero is going to survive. Sadly, his lady friend doesn't. And I think that is usually the case, adding to the pathos of your stories. Here, you create a very credible atmosphere. Are you sure you weren't previously born in another age or country? I get to the end and just want to know more, the perfect story-teller! Good luck in the contest, Jim! Debbie
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Another powerful read, Jim, from your talented, imaginative pen. Action is definitely your forte and it's never long before we're gripped by the tension and wondering if our hero is going to survive. Sadly, his lady friend doesn't. And I think that is usually the case, adding to the pathos of your stories. Here, you create a very credible atmosphere. Are you sure you weren't previously born in another age or country? I get to the end and just want to know more, the perfect story-teller! Good luck in the contest, Jim! Debbie
Comment Written 06-May-2024
Comment from Esther Brown
Already out of six, worst luck. I really liked this and hope your entry does well. One of those stories true for someone in another time and place....
The things people will do for money or love never fail to be the source of a good story if someone tells it. Esther
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Already out of six, worst luck. I really liked this and hope your entry does well. One of those stories true for someone in another time and place....
The things people will do for money or love never fail to be the source of a good story if someone tells it. Esther
Comment Written 06-May-2024
Comment from John Ciarmello
This is a great fictional story about the events leading up to the attack on Pearl Harbor. It's a snippet in time and super creative, Jim!
Best, JohnC
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This is a great fictional story about the events leading up to the attack on Pearl Harbor. It's a snippet in time and super creative, Jim!
Best, JohnC
Comment Written 06-May-2024
