The Stranger
First Line Flash circa 300 words22 total reviews
Comment from Madeleine Mardis
Mark, this is worthy of a six, in my opinion,but I am all out! Edgar Allen Poe would be proud you mentioned him! Ultra scary!
Also I wanted you to know that I made every correction you so gently suggested! I truly appreciate your going through the trouble of pointing them out to me! So very helpful, thanks again! Maddy
reply by the author on 04-May-2024
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Mark, this is worthy of a six, in my opinion,but I am all out! Edgar Allen Poe would be proud you mentioned him! Ultra scary!
Also I wanted you to know that I made every correction you so gently suggested! I truly appreciate your going through the trouble of pointing them out to me! So very helpful, thanks again! Maddy
Comment Written 04-May-2024
reply by the author on 04-May-2024
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Thank you so much, you are both kind and talented.
Comment from BermyBye50
Mark,
Congrats on winning the First Line Flash Contest. Your story met the requirements of the contest and achieved your stated goal of writing this in the style of Edgar Allen Poe. You painted a chilling picture with metaphors and well crafted word choices and the concluding final two paragraphs were simply brilliant.
All the best,
Eugene
reply by the author on 04-May-2024
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Mark,
Congrats on winning the First Line Flash Contest. Your story met the requirements of the contest and achieved your stated goal of writing this in the style of Edgar Allen Poe. You painted a chilling picture with metaphors and well crafted word choices and the concluding final two paragraphs were simply brilliant.
All the best,
Eugene
Comment Written 04-May-2024
reply by the author on 04-May-2024
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Thank you so much.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
You are such a thoughtful writer, researching and thinking through every line that you write.
Things I really liked in this flash:
"leaving one lost in a labyrinth of memories of grief"
"casting long, twisted shadows across the walls" (most of us would write "long shadows", but twisted adds an almost sinister element
This is very much in the voice of Poe - very unsettling and that "malevolent stranger" who once was "mother" is chilling.
Congrats on the win - well deserved.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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You are such a thoughtful writer, researching and thinking through every line that you write.
Things I really liked in this flash:
"leaving one lost in a labyrinth of memories of grief"
"casting long, twisted shadows across the walls" (most of us would write "long shadows", but twisted adds an almost sinister element
This is very much in the voice of Poe - very unsettling and that "malevolent stranger" who once was "mother" is chilling.
Congrats on the win - well deserved.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 03-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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I will add in my mind it is the narrator who is the stranger. He was the only other in the house and committed the crime. He disassociated himself from the situation and then found the body. The clue is he already knows his mother is dead and knows exactly where to go as if drawn there. Thank you for the review.
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Thank you for clarifying. If I had been thinking more like Poe, I would have gotten that.
Comment from GoWiSt
So, following from your opening paragraph, the narrator knew his/her mother was dead--before later discovering her body? When the narrator was at the empty bed of his/her mother, how did he/she know the mother was dead when they hadn't discovered the body yet?
Good imagery of thrill, suspense and macabre description.
Congrats on the win.
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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So, following from your opening paragraph, the narrator knew his/her mother was dead--before later discovering her body? When the narrator was at the empty bed of his/her mother, how did he/she know the mother was dead when they hadn't discovered the body yet?
Good imagery of thrill, suspense and macabre description.
Congrats on the win.
Comment Written 03-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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In my mind, he had killed his mother but was struggling with accepting it. The title The Stranger refers to him and not his mother. You are the only person to ask this, I truly thank you for that.
Comment from Sanku
You took me through a trip down the memory lane .It was long long back that i read Camu's book .The lasting impression the book left was that of the emotion less state of the protagonist's mind .
I enjoyed reading the spooky experience of I .You have successfully recreated The atmosphere in PoE"s stories... You have chosen a brilliant first line...
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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You took me through a trip down the memory lane .It was long long back that i read Camu's book .The lasting impression the book left was that of the emotion less state of the protagonist's mind .
I enjoyed reading the spooky experience of I .You have successfully recreated The atmosphere in PoE"s stories... You have chosen a brilliant first line...
Comment Written 03-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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I felt that Camus's protagonist head had deemed himself guilty for him mothers death and so would not defend himself for the death of the outsider. Thank you very much for the six stars.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Congrats on your win, Mark! And well deserved. Love that first line especially as I studied the book. Your flash is much creepier though and is skilfully and flawlessly (maybe not repeat the 'labyrinth' imagery?) expressed with a horror-filled twist at the end. Well done! Debbie.
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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Congrats on your win, Mark! And well deserved. Love that first line especially as I studied the book. Your flash is much creepier though and is skilfully and flawlessly (maybe not repeat the 'labyrinth' imagery?) expressed with a horror-filled twist at the end. Well done! Debbie.
Comment Written 02-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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Thank you
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Sorry, I'm out of sixes or you would have one for this fine post.
...a pall of darkness - I love it!
...within its labyrinthine corridors - quite the ancestral home. reminds me of the Winchester mansion in San Jose, California.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Sorry, I'm out of sixes or you would have one for this fine post.
...a pall of darkness - I love it!
...within its labyrinthine corridors - quite the ancestral home. reminds me of the Winchester mansion in San Jose, California.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 02-May-2024
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Thank you, I was going for Poe but I am more of a Lovecraft reader.
Comment from BethShelby
I think you did an excellent job of writing a very chilling story starting with the first sentence of Camus's novel. The Stranger is a good title and your writing did sound a lot like Edgar Allen Poe.
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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I think you did an excellent job of writing a very chilling story starting with the first sentence of Camus's novel. The Stranger is a good title and your writing did sound a lot like Edgar Allen Poe.
Comment Written 02-May-2024
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Well, I have read Poe but nothing of Camus; he is more intellectual, but I add with all sincerity I love this entry, and even more now with the stipend given of ninety-eight cents. No, really, this is a wonderfully written piece and even the selection of bolden font added to its pleasure.
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Well, I have read Poe but nothing of Camus; he is more intellectual, but I add with all sincerity I love this entry, and even more now with the stipend given of ninety-eight cents. No, really, this is a wonderfully written piece and even the selection of bolden font added to its pleasure.
Comment Written 02-May-2024
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Thank you so much.
Comment from Wendy G
Very macabre and chilling. One can't help but wonder about the backstory - and also about the near and distant future. Very well written. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Very macabre and chilling. One can't help but wonder about the backstory - and also about the near and distant future. Very well written. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 02-May-2024
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Thank you so much
